Close

RESPONDING TO INSULTS BY IGNORING

If you have been following this blog, you know that I have often discussed different ways to respond to insults. For example, some people respond to negative criticism that is designed to be constructive as if it was an insult.  They then become angry, defensive and end up storming away.  In a post titled CRITICISM AND WISDOM, I encouraged people who respond in this way…

Read More

RESPONDING TO INSULTS WITH QUIET SADNESS

A couple of weeks ago, I provided readers of this blog a post titled, “How I Met Cool Steve.”  There, I told a story from one of my novels about a teenager, Jeff Star.  At one point, Jeff is in an angry mood because his teacher gave him so much homework, and perhaps he is also having some jealous feelings about how much respect the…

Read More

The NFL and Bullying: How to Change the Culture

This is my third “NFL Bullying” post since the topic splashed all over the national media this past Monday.  The first (“The N.F.L. Culture and Bullying“) presents the theory that one reason why bullying is sometimes viewed as acceptable is the belief that it can increase motivation to reach a level of excellence not achievable without bullying. Whereas there may indeed be legitimate examples of some…

Read More

How I Met Cool Steve

Regular readers of this blog know that to illustrate an idea, I usually utilize a comic strip or a brief parable.  To fully integrate all of the ideas that appear in the blog, I’ve created a coming of age trilogy of novels that is set in Brooklyn that my students over the years have coined The Cool Steve Stories, because one of the main characters…

Read More

FROM ANGER TO CHALLENGE: A STEP TWO EXAMPLE

Audrey is at a fine restaurant with her parents celebrating her law school graduation. “Well, your mother and I are so proud of you, Audrey,” says her father. “Thanks, Dad!” “Now you know, Audrey, I think it best that you begin your career in my Wall Street firm,” says her father. “Dad, we discussed this already.  I’m going to get a job in the Department…

Read More

Teenage Suicide and Cyberbullying: A Case Study

One morning I was getting ready to write my weekly blog post when I decided to first glance over at the New York Times‘ front page.  A wave of sadness washed over me as I spotted the following headline: Girl’s Suicide Points to Rise in Apps Used by Cyberbullies According to the Times, 12-year-old Rebecca Sedwick leaped to her death after more than a year…

Read More

THE MOST MATURE LEVEL OF RESPONDING TO CRITICISM: ADVANCE LESSON

Are there different levels of maturity for responding to criticism?  If so, what is the most mature level? Over recent weeks we have been pursuing an answer to these questions (see for example, Responding to Criticism: Four Levels of Maturity and Responding to Criticism: The Most Mature Level).   During this pursuit, I put forth a tentative proposal for a most mature level because I…

Read More

RESPONDING TO CRITICISM: DEFENDING THE MOST MATURE LEVEL

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.  Most people would agree that some people are less skillful at handling criticism than others. Those following this blog well know that I have been encouraging readers to be able to recognize five levels of maturity for responding to criticism.  As I began my efforts, first I provided a lesson about the first four levels of maturity (see Responding to…

Read More

ANGER, STRESS AND THE SIGNALING TO BACK-OFF TECHNIQUE

by Jeffrey Rubin, PhD

While taking my conflict resolution class, Sara, a young woman around thirty, asked the following:  “I have been finding many of my new conflict resolution skills very helpful.  However, to my dismay, sometimes I’m feeling stressed out and then if I become angry I find my skills fly right out the window.  Why do you think that this occurs, and is there anything I can…

Read More

CRITICIZING YOURSELF MATURELY: A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Recently I presented a post that aims to get you to think about immature and mature ways to provide negative criticism to yourself (see Criticizing Yourself: Five Levels of Maturity). In that post there is a fun practice section to help people to get familiar with the different levels. Becoming a master at utilizing the higher levels of maturity takes…

Read More