Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic–anxiety.
What brought me to write about it? 
Well, recently I published a post titled, “The Nature of Depression and Melancholy” (see HERE). Shortly afterwards, one of my readers commented that rather than depression or melancholy, he is more likely to experience anxiety, and therefore, wondered if I might write a post on it. Since how people handle anxiety can influence their degree of self-respect, I decided the topic was relevant to this blog.
As I took up the task, it soon became apparent that it would not be possible to explain the nature of anxiety without integrating it with what we know about depression and melancholy. After all, each share six similar characteristics, and in the same episode of depression or melancholy, people can have waves of anxiety. Additionally, at times all three states of being (depression, melancholy, and anxiety) blend together.
So, we begin today with a brief summary of the six common characteristics of depression, melancholy, and anxiety. Afterwards, I’ll describe how all three states of being differ from one another.
Brief Summary of The Six Common Characteristics of Depression, Melancholy, and Anxiety.
Depression and melancholy, as I explained more fully in a previous post, share six characteristics. Anxiety also shares these as well.
All three are usefully viewed as a type of memory. Its function is to remind you that you have concerns that need to be addressed.
This memory can be visualized as a bucket. When it is only slightly filled, each time the memory warns you that you have some work to do in order to deal with your various concerns, you can, if you so choose, easily put off dealing with them until a more convenient time by shifting your attention so you can carry out some other task.
As the bucket gets more and more filled by more concerns, or particularly big concerns, the warnings become more frequent. They also feel more intense, and it becomes harder and harder to shift attention to other tasks. If your concern memory bucket becomes filled to the top, putting off dealing with at least some of your concerns is no longer possible.
As the concerns become more frequent, or feel more intense, some medical doctors, particularly psychiatrists, will be eager to classify your experience as a symptom of a mental disorder and prescribe drugs to deal with this. It is a lucrative business model, but in my opinion, this causes more harm than good. 
One way or another, concerns have to be addressed, and masking them with substances that have a variety of harmful side effects will only lead to more concerns in the long run.
The amount of concerns and degree of seriousness of concerns that one has in their concern memory provides two of the reasons why people vary when it comes to how often, and how intense their concerns are experienced. Another reason for this variation is that people inherently have different capacities for putting off addressing their concerns until a more convenient time. 
We can visualize this as being born with either a large, average, or small concern memory bucket. For those who are born with a relatively large concern bucket, they can hold more concerns and larger, more serious concerns before their bucket begins to become filled than an average person. Thus, they can go for longer periods before they begin to have more and more difficulty shifting their attention away from their concerns. Others who are born with smaller buckets find that it takes less time than the average person for it to begin to fill up. Thus, even when facing relatively few and minor concerns than the average person, they nevertheless begin to have more and more difficulty shifting their attention away from their concerns.
Another characteristic that depression, melancholy, and anxiety share is that there are various ways to decrease the contents in our concern memory bucket before we begin to have trouble postponing dealing with our concerns. 
For example, meditating once or twice a day provides an opportunity to spend time addressing concerns with little distractions. Although as we enter into meditation, we don’t do so with the intent to address concerns, they naturally bubble up from the relatively peaceful state, and our minds spend time working through our various concerns in a natural manner.
Taking a walk, journal writing about concerns, speaking to a counselor, or watching a sporting event like baseball that provides significant down time to mull over our concerns, can also be very helpful. By working through our concerns in these ways allow us some control over when we have to deal with a full blown experience that might otherwise occur at very inconvenient times, or feel so intense that they begin to feel painful.
In today’s world, there are an incredible number of opportunities to distract us from addressing our concerns, from entertaining TV shows, movies, the ease of calling friends, and engaging on social media platforms. Methods that free us from so many distractions for periods of time can be enormously helpful in avoiding reaching what some have described as a nervous breakdown.
So, the six common characteristics of depression, melancholy, and anxiety I want to bring to your attention are, 1. the concern memory system serves as a warning sign, 2. we can delay attending to these warnings for a limited period of time, 3. when we put off dealing with our concerns, they don’t just go away, they come back again and again until they are adequately addressed, 4.despite our efforts at putting them off, as our concerns begin to accumulate without being fully addressed, it becomes harder to delay dealing with them, and our memory begins to remind us of them more frequently and more intensely, until we reach a point at which we must attend to them, like it or not, 5. people vary on how many and how serious their concerns must become before they no longer can divert their attention from their concerns, and 6. we can decrease the period of time before our concerns start to reach extremely frequent, strong, intense experiences by putting aside each day some time to reduce external distractions so we can more smoothly and comfortably address our concerns.
How Are Depression, Melancholy, and Anxiety Different From One Another?
We experience desires, aspirations, strivings, wishes, and longings. For convenience sake, let’s just use the word desire to represent all of these experiences.
As we experience desires, several emotions can spring to our attention. Sometimes we experience the emotion of renewed hope because something we did, someone else did, or some change in the environment signaled that our desire is more likely to be fulfilled. When a desire is fulfilled, we experience a wave of an emotion we call happiness. Whenever we interpret a situation as interfering with achieving a desire, we experience a wave of frustration. And whenever we interpret a situation as indicating a desire is no longer achievable, we grieve for a period. When we recall situations in our life, this can lead to re-experiencing the emotions that had occurred in the original situation.
One desire people have is to avoid harm. Whenever we perceive situations in which we may be harmed either physically or psychologically, we experience fear. 
If we perceive a tiger rushing toward us, we would experience fear that would immediately fill up our concern bucket, and our attention would be completely on this event. During this time, you would not be thinking about what TV show you want to watch later that evening. Instead, your body would go into a state of flight or fight, your heart would be pounding, and adrenalin would begin to circulate in your blood, giving you added strength.
Not all fear experiences are as intense. 
For example, observing a doctor coming toward you to give you an injection might produce just a mild degree of fear. At such time, you might decide to divert your attention to a pleasant image, and find you can do this.
Now, there is a type of fear that arises when we anticipate that there is a real possibility that we will be facing some harmful event some time in the future. 
For example, a woman might have plans to traverse a path in a jungle next week having heard that tigers have attacked people on that path. Each time she thinks about this, she is very likely to experience some fear.
When we are not immediately facing the fearful event, it is a somewhat different experience than one in which we are immediately facing it. We typically distinguish this type of fear by calling it anxiety, or we say we are worrying about the upcoming event.
Not everyone makes this distinction. For some people, when experiencing frustration, grief, an immediately occurring fearful situation, or anxiety as I have just defined them, they may use words like being upset, anxious, depressed, and melancholy to refer loosely to all of these emotional states. There is some justification for doing so, because when we look at specific examples of people having these types of experience, we find that all three emotions can blend together, and it is not always easy to say which emotion is most apt for describing what is actually being experienced. Let’s look at some examples to show you what I mean by this.
Some Examples
Rob’s Desire To Get Home
After a hard day at work, Rob desires to get home so he can relax. As he is driving home, suddenly he hits a traffic jam, slowing his car almost to a stop. He initially experiences frustration. As he assesses the situation, he sees there is some road construction blocking one of the lanes. Then he sees that just up ahead, once cars pass the construction, traffic picks up to normal. This five-minute delay is no big deal, and his mind passes to some song playing on his radio.
Parable Discussion
This is a simple example of a person experiencing frustration, and it soon passes without other emotions arising. This type of experience occurs to all of us quite frequently.
Shanice’s Recipe Concern
Shanice desires to be viewed by her family as an excellent cook, and her family of four love that she takes charge of the evening meal. One day, as Shanice is working around her house, a concern arises within. She thinks to herself, “What should I make for supper?” When she can’t think of anything, she feels frustrated. Over the past few days, she has gone through her main classics, and now she doesn’t want to make something she views as “the same old, same old.”
Suddenly the phone rings, and because Shanice is in the midst of experiencing her frustration over this issue, she pauses before answering, thinking she wants to get her supper plans settled. But then she says, “I guess I could put this supper stuff off for a few minutes,” and she decides to answer her phone.
After a nice chat, Shanice writes a condolence letter to a friend who recently lost her mother to cancer. Then her concern memory reminds her that she still doesn’t know what to make for supper. Again, feeling frustrated, her attention fully focuses on this issue, and then she remembers she has, back in one of her draws, a red folder with recipes that she has saved over the years. As she remembers this, she experiences a wave of hope.
As Shanice flips through these recipes, her eyes fall upon one for sesame pasta. “Oh,” she says, “the last time I made this, everyone raved about it. I haven’t made it in a long time. I bet this might be a perfect choice, and she is now even more hopeful.”
She then calls out to the rest of her family, asking them what they think about this. They all express delight. So now Shanice can take this dinner concern out of her concern memory bucket, and a wave of happiness is experienced.
It just so happens, that Shanice’s son, Daniel, is in a counseling graduate program and one of his classes is focused on emotions. So, Daniel asks Shanice what she was experiencing as she went through addressing her concern.
“I was just frustrated because I really couldn’t think of what to make,” she replies.
“Did you experience any anxiety or worry as you went through the experience?”
“Well, I felt a little anxiety each time my mind went to the thought that my family is going to start thinking I’m losing my touch for being a great cook.”
Parable Discussion
This little story is designed to help us see that people can feel mainly frustrated as they deal with a concern, but thoughts that lead to hope, happiness, and anxiety can be part of the the total emotional experience. It also illustrates that being reminded of our concerns can be helpful for achieving our desires. If Shanice had completely forgotten about her concern once she became distracted by a phone call, she would not have come up with an approach that fulfilled her desire. Recalling our concerns don’t guarantee that all of our desires will be fulfilled, but it often helps.
In this Shanice example, the whole incident passes by in a fairly brief period. Let’s take a look at another example, but this one lasting several months.
Fred’s Employment Concern
Fred, an assistant manager in his firm, desires to get a promotion. When his annual review comes, it is excellent, and his hopes soar. One day the firms owner calls him into her office. He thinks to himself, “Maybe she’s going to tell me I’ve been promoted,” and once again his hope soars. Instead of a promotion, she fires Fred, explaining that the firm was just bought out by a big conglomerate, and they are bringing in their own personnel leadership.
Upon hearing this, Fred is very frustrated.
When he gets home, for several days waves of frustration frequently blend with periods of grieving each time his mind falls on the fact that seeing several people he loved working with on a daily basis has come to an end. It has not been easy for him to continue to do several of his daily obligations, such as picking up the kids after team practices, participating in a charity organization, and emotionally supporting each member of his family as their concerns arise, but for the most part, he struggles through this.
The next week, at one point he finds it is so hard to attend to what they are saying, his mind drifting to what he has to do to land a new job, that he excuses himself and goes for a long walk.
During the walk, as he recalls moments of his firing and the loss of seeing his coworkers, powerful emotions arise within, and he sits on a park bench and begins to cry.
It lasts for a few minutes, and then he gets up and resumes his walk. A half mile further along, a plan begins to take form. He has to make some calls to get recommendations, and his resume has to be polished up. Then, all of a sudden, he realizes that some of the firms he was thinking of applying to would require long commutes. He had bought his current house so he could walk to work because he hates dealing with the awful traffic in his city. Now the fear of having a daily commute is experienced as a powerful bout with anxiety.
As Fred continues his walk, an idea comes to him. I’ll first just apply to the three firms within a twenty minute drive.
It’s a month later. He is grieving because he has received rejection letters from two of the nearby firms. He also finds that when he wakes up every morning he has a bout of anxiety, fearing the letter carrier will bring another rejection letter.
Finally, one morning Fred gets a letter from the third nearby firm that he had applied to. With great fear, he opens it. To his delight, it invites him to come for an interview the following week. Reading this, his hope soars. But then, later in the letter, it explains that part of the interview involves making a presentation in front of the interviewers. This produces a wave of anxiety. He has a good deal of experience making presentations, but this one will be in front of people he doesn’t know, and his whole chance of getting this job will largely depend on how well he carries this off.
The anxiety proves to be productive. It motivates Fred to put off any other plans he has for the week, so he can work on the presentation. In the end, he really puts together something he has confidence in.
The story has a happy ending. Fred lands the job.
Parable Discussion
Here we see an example of someone experiencing, during a period of months, strong feelings of hope, frustration, anxiety, grief, fear, and happiness. There are times Fred has trouble concentrating on the usual family matters and community obligations. Still, many of the important tasks of life that don’t involve looking for a job manages to get done by Fred. But, at one point, he does excuse himself so he can eliminate distractions, fully experience his emotions, and formulate some plans.
As in our previous example, the plans Fred comes up with do not guarantee success. Nevertheless, the alternative of doing things that continually distract himself are likely to lead to his concern memory bucket reaching an overflowing state, and then many of his daily obligations may end up suffering. He could have also turned to heavy drinking of alcohol or some other drugs to suppress his emotions. The side effect of this approach may have added to his already challenging concern.
Janet’s Anxiety Concerns
Janet has just graduated from a Mental Health Counseling masters program. She now has thousands of dollars in college loans, but her husband makes just enough money so their living expenses are just barely being met.
For Janet to start making any significant money as a counselor, she has to pass the National Clinical Mental Health Counselor Examination. So, she pays to take the exam which is only given twice a year. If she fails, she would have to pay the fee again and wait another six months until she can take it again.
The test is coming up in a few months. 
To prepare for the test, she pays for a set of computer based instructions, which also provides practice tests. The cost to take the test, and the instructional material has really stretched her budget to the ultimate limit.
Janet has long desired to have a child, but put off starting a family because of her studies. Now she has reached an age at which putting off having a child becomes increasingly risky. So, at the same time that she is preparing for the test, she has decided to see if she can have a baby.
As she begins to prepare for the test, she meets Al, a guy who recently failed the same test she has been studying for, and he tells her that he knows others who studied a great deal, and also failed. Janet experiences, upon hearing this, a wave of anxiety. At the same time, she decides to increase the amount of time each week for studying.
After studying for a few weeks, she takes a practice test, and fails. Anxiety comes flooding into her whole being.
The next week, Janet discovers she is pregnant, and the hope of having a child soars. This lasts for a few days, and then, in addition to having anxiety every time she thinks about possibly failing her test, she also finds herself thinking about what would happen if she has a miscarriage, or has a child with serious medical problems. Her anxiety becomes more frequent and dramatically more intense. At the same time, she begins to take greater care of what she eats, does research on what other habits can be altered to reduce risks to her developing baby, and decides to reduce her alcohol consumption.
As time goes on, there are times when she fails a practice test, and a mixture of frustration and anxiety is experienced. There are also times when she passes a practice test and hope is experienced. Hope also occurs when an exam by her obstetrician indicates her baby is developing well.
Anxiety, frustration, hope, continue throughout this period of her life.
Parable Discussion
In this example, if Janet was asked to describe her emotional experience during this period of her life, she may very well say that she was mainly feeling a great deal of anxiety. The combined fear of failing her test, having to take the test over, maybe failing it again, having a miscarriage or having a baby with serious medical problems, we can imagine, could have overshadowed her other emotions.
In this little story, I tried to give the reader a sense that anxiety can spur one to better address concerns. Thus, concerns about failing a practice test did not just lead to experiencing anxiety, it also spurred Janet to increase her study time. Her anxiety associated with thoughts about her pregnancy led her to take steps to reduce risks.
Anxiety, Depression, Frustration, Grief, and Melancholy
To understand the nature of anxiety, we must understand how it is related to four other emotional experiences. The above four examples seeks to help us see these relationships.
All of these experiences begin with desires. Ron desired to get home so he can relax. Shanice desired to be viewed by her family as an outstanding cook. Fred desired to get promoted, and then, to get a new job that didn’t require a long commute. Janet desired to pass her test and have a healthy baby.
When we perceive that something is getting in the way of achieving our desire, at first we feel frustrated, and then we quickly begin to assess the frustration to see what can be done to overcome it. Sometimes the assessment can lead to one or more other emotional experiences, though not always.
Rob, in our example, while driving home and suddenly finding himself in a traffic jam, experiences frustration. Upon assessing the situation, he sees this will be a mere five minute delay, and the frustration passes away.
However, in the Shanice example, she mostly experiences frustration when she can’t come up with a supper idea. However, upon questioning, she realizes that as she was assessing what to do about this, her mind fell on the thought that her family might lose respect for her if she keeps making the same old, same old. With that thought, she experienced some anxiety. It was rather mild, and she was able to put off addressing her concern for a few minutes so she could respond to her phone call. After the phone call, at one point her concern memory warned her that she still had not adequately addressed her concern.
In the Fred example, he becomes frustrated when he finds out that his desire to be promoted is not going to be achieved, and instead he is fired. As he assesses this, at some point the frustration begins to include periods of grief and anxiety. The concerns that lead to these emotions are pretty major, and he finds that at times he is having difficulty shifting his attention away from his concerns.
In the Janet example, she becomes frustrated when she realizes that her desire to advance her mental health counseling career requires that she take an expensive and very hard to pass test. She also desires to have a healthy baby, and experiences frustration when ideas come to her that she could have a miscarriage or give birth to a baby with serious medical problems. These frustrating thoughts almost instantly shift to anxiety.
Now, when we have frustration along with grieving experiences or anxiety, many of us begin to insult ourselves. We might say, things like, “Why am I acting like a baby,” “I’m acting crazy,” “What an idiot I am,” “I’m mentally ill,” “I’m hopeless and helpless,” “This is a horrible experience, and it’s all my fault,” “I hate myself,” “I deserve to die,” etc. Those who go to war with themselves in this manner, add a whole additional serious concern to what they are already facing because people have an inherent desire to respect themselves. Creating the impression with these insulting attitudes that they are not worthy of respect frustrates this desire.
So, here we see two alternative experiences, one in which frustration and grieving gets mixed together with insulting, and one in which frustration and anxiety gets mixed together with insulting. When we experience frustration and grieving, and are also insulting ourselves, we might want to refer to this as depression.
Because depression is often used in too vague a manner, when that word comes up, I seek to explore what meaning is intended, looking specifically to see if the person using the word depression means frustration, grieving, and insulting oneself, or some other experience.
For a similar reason, when someone uses the word anxiety, I like to see if the experience being referred to includes personal insults.
As I pointed out in my post titled, “Depression and Melancholy,” melancholy offers us a third alternative.
Consider how musician and song writer Joni Mitchell described melancholy in her beautiful song, “Hijira.”
There is comfort in melancholy where there is no need to explain, it’s just as natural as the weather in this moody sky today.
In melancholy, the person practices self-compassion and views the experiences of frustration, grieving, and anxiety as a natural helpful process we all must go through from time to time. Melancholy provides a richer, and more powerful approach for addressing our concerns, even the most challenging ones. It doesn’t waste time with all of the insults, though, because of old habits, some may still leap into consciousness. When they do, individuals in a melancholy state of being can observe them without believing they are true. Rather, they recognize them as old unhelpful habits, allow themselves to experience the physical sensations that come with them, and then, when those sensations pass in their own good time, they move on to other work that needs to be done.
For those individuals who haven’t been utilizing the melancholy experience, this is perfectly understandable. In our society, it is so common to observe family members, friends, and acquaintances frequently insulting others when a mistake is made. 
TV shows, movies, and politics portray people constantly blaming others in a hateful manner for all the problems that they see in the world. So, this style of dealing even with our own concerns is something that we pick up like mud on our shoes after strolling through an unpaved path after a storm.
To just read a post such as this can help a few people begin the process of transforming their war against themselves to a more melancholy approach without any additional assistance from anyone else. Most people, however, having learned the habit over many years of dealing with the situations that bring on grief and anxiety by insulting themselves will require entering into a process lasting for several months in a more systematic, guided manner.
One way to participate in such a process, and won’t cost any money, is to start reading my blog, beginning with the first post (see HERE). This can be paced depending on one’s comfort level, but I think that putting aside at least fifteen minutes on this process each week is the minimal necessary commitment to expect real positive change.
Additionally, my three novels provide an entertaining way to learn to develop self respect (see HERE). There is a modest cost to purchasing them, but the ebook versions are very inexpensive.
Though most personal counselors are stuck in the medical model that pathologizes the experiences we discussed today, more and more are turning to an alternative approach that values enhancing self-compassion. Naturally my two favorites of these are my son, Jack Star Rubin, and his talented wife, Emily Whyte Rubin. You can learn about their services, which are available online, by clicking HERE. They rely on a variety of wisdom traditions that have demonstrated research support, and they listen deeply and compassionately as their clients express concerns. In this way, with the help of modeling, their clients come to adopt this way of listening deeply and compassionately as they, themselves, deal with their own concerns even when their counselor is not present.
Well, that’s my post for today. I hope you found some nourishing food for thought. Stay safe out there, and please join us again right here at From Insults to Respect.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
A central difference between the two has to do with throwing insults at ourselves; when we are depressed we spend a great deal of time doing that, in melancholy, not so much. To better understand what I mean by this, and to clarify the natural function of depression and melancholy, it will be worthwhile to first take a brief look at another state of being, sleep.
As a result of our special familiarity with sleep–we experience it pretty much every single day–when I point out six of its characteristics, everyone will readily know what I’m talking about. It will then be easier to see that similar characteristics occur with the less familiar depression and melancholy experiences.
Before we go to sleep, we experience a warning that sleep is heading our way. We refer to this warning as “feeling sleepy.”
Feeling sleepy can range from being a little sleepy, all the way to the point where we can barely keep our eyes open. This range of sleepiness is dependent on a special memory that stores how sleepy you are. This memory can be visualized as a bucket. If you are a little sleepy in the morning, the bucket is viewed as only slightly filled. If you manage to divert your attention from the sleepiness so you can go to work, by the time you get back home, your sleepiness memory hasn’t forgotten that the bucket was slightly filled earlier, and now that several more hours have gone by without getting some sleep, the bucket has filled up beyond the height than it was in the morning. 
This becomes noticeable by more frequent waves of sleepiness, and each wave feels more heavy or intense. If you divert your attention from how sleepy you are so you can have dinner and watch a few of your favorite TV shows, you will find that none of your earlier sleepiness has been completely forgotten for long, and on top of that, even more sleepiness has been added. 
Finally, some people, desiring to avoid having their bucket getting filled up too early, will carve out some time in their day to take a nap or two. Each nap lowers the level in their bucket, and they therefore remain more alert during the day after a few minutes of grogginess passes.
As Katrina is on her way to work, a concern arises within. “My job is not really right for me,” she says to herself. “It’s getting more and more boring, and the pay is barely enough to make ends meet. I have to make a change.”
Upon arriving home, Katrina puts on the TV to see some shows she likes. While watching, she finds that her concerns intrude into her consciousness more frequently and in a more intense manner than previous recent days. In the medical model of thinking about this, these intrusions would be viewed as symptoms of a possible mental disorder. As I view them, they are as natural as a sunrise.
Meditation is supremely useful for this because the practice involves going to a quiet place and then closing your eyes. Although during meditation you may spend some time focussing on your mantra, this mantra task is so simple that ample time and mental space is available for your concerns to bubble up to the surface where they can be addressed while you are in a relatively calm state.
In today’s world, because there are so many opportunities to distract us from addressing our concerns, from entertaining TV shows, movies, the ease of calling friends, and engaging on social media platforms, methods that free us from so many distractions for periods of time can be enormously helpful.
We have just looked at six characteristics of depression that are somewhat similar to the six characteristics of sleep that we discussed earlier in this essay. There are, of course, some differences between sleep and depression. The difference I want to point out here is that the passing of time is the main factor that leads to needing to go into a period of sleep. The longer you are awake, the sleepier you are likely to become.
Some concerns are relatively easy to address, others are harder. Moreover, concerns vary with regards to how threatening they are to one’s goals.
The six characteristics that apply to depression apply to melancholy as well. The chief difference between the two, as I mentioned earlier, is when people experience depression they insult themselves, whereas when people experience melancholy, not so much.
All of this leads to the person experiencing self-loathing. The insults people attack themselves with add to the concerns in their bucket, leading to it becoming fuller more quickly than if they did not do this, and the insults are distracting, so that the real work of addressing the real concerns are less efficiently addressed.
In contrast, consider how musician and song writer Joni Mitchell described melancholy in her beautiful song, “Hijira.”
Despair takes us in when we have no where else to go; when we feel the heart cannot break anymore, when our world or our loved ones disappear, when we feel we cannot be loved or do not deserve to be loved, when our God disappoints, or when our body is carrying profound pain in a way that does not go away.
Despair is a necessary and seasonal state of repair, a temporary healing absence, an internal physiological and psychological winter when our previous forms of participation in the world take a rest; it is a loss of horizon, it is the place we go when we do not want to be found in the same way anymore. We give up hope and certain particular wishes are no longer able to come true and despair is the time in which we both endure and heal, even when we have not yet found the new form of hope.
Melancholy provides a richer, and more powerful approach for addressing our concerns, even the most challenging ones. It doesn’t waste time with all of the insults, though, because of old habits, some may still leap into consciousness. When they do, those in melancholy can observe them without believing they are true. Rather, they recognize them as old unhelpful habits, allow themselves to experience the physical sensations that come with them, and then, when those sensations pass in their own good time, they move on to other work that needs to be done.
In our society, many of us learn to address our concerns using the depression pattern. How can they change that pattern so, when the bucket is full they experience, instead, melancholy?
These days, many are performing their jobs from home and are missing the camaraderie of their workplace. Such drastic changes in their lives, and that of their families, give us reason to reflect on what work means to us.
Given the main focus of this blog, you might wonder what work has to do with respect. Well, many people achieve a great deal of respect from the work they do, while others are humbled by finding they have had little choice but to take a job far different from what they had aspired to in earlier days. Others, having lost their job and finding themselves falling deep into poverty, may be questioning their own self respect. So, without any further ado, here’s a little meditation on this topic insightfully aided by Bob Dylan’s “work” episode from his Theme Time Radio Hour series, which we can listen to 
Welcome back to Theme Time Radio Hour, and this week we’re talking about work. We’re talkin’ about golden parachutes, poison pills, golden handshakes. We’re talking about workin’ like a dog, work around the clock, workin’ 9 to 5; talking about all the workin’ stiffs who’re workin’ for a livin’, who live to work, labor intensive, doin’ odd jobs, married to their job, them employee of the month hard at work. So this week, no kidding around, no fooling, no goofing off, no hanging around the water cooler, because we’re going to get right down to it, putting in an honest day’s work, for an honest day’s pay, for our subject de jure is work and jobs. 
I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear,
The delicious singing of the mother, or of the young wife at work, or of the girl sewing or washing,
They call it stormy Monday, and, baby, Tuesday’s just as bad
I keep my nose on the grindstone, I work hard every day
Bob then tells us that if he had to have a boss, he would choose Bruce Springsteen.
You may be an ambassador to England or France
I got to get out and find a job
Just whistle while you work
You want to keep in mind that you are going on an interview, not a date. Don’t drown yourself with perfume or cologne. Speak up. Interviewers don’t want to drag words out of you. On the other hand, don’t talk too much, you don’t want to bore them. Stay focused, listen to what the question is and answer it; they don’t want to hear about what your dog did last week. Make eye contact, you don’t want to appear to be some kind of criminal. Poor language skills don’t help. Using “like” every third word or repeatedly saying “um” does not make you a likely candidate. Build trust. Don’t use a lot of little white lies, you’re going to get caught, and then how are they to believe anything you say. Wear a clean shirt, and present the best you possible. And once you get the job, you can do what everyone else does, figure out ways to get the day off. 
My last post, 
Wonderfully capturing this sentiment is a YouTube 
Off the field, Jeter founded the 
In interviews, even though he had plenty to brag about, and even when he had just won a big game with a clutch hit, Jeter remained humble while directing credit to his teammates.
One thing that I particularly admired about Jeter was that although he so passionately wanted to win, this desire was not expressed by hating his rivals. We saw this being expressed each time he would get a hit, for he had a delightful way of engaging in some friendly exchange with the player trying to hold him close to the base so he wouldn’t steal. Jeter’s ready smile during these interactions, even in the midst of a crucially important game, endeared him to players throughout the major leagues.
As an example of what many thought a serious mistake in judgment, when Jeter assumed leadership of the Miami Marlins baseball team, he naturally wanted to bring in his own assistants. This meant he had to fire those who had been in those positions before he arrived. Rather than personally calling all of these individuals to explain why he was letting them go, he had one of his underlings do most of the dirty work. The press picked up the story, and hopefully Jeter, and the rest of us as well, learn something from this.
As a Yankee for twenty years, Jeter had ample opportunities to welcome new players joining the team. Not being a Yankee player myself, I can’t speak to how he handled this. But one thing that I do know, how it is handled can go a long way toward earning a significant degree of respect from the new guy, as we will now see.
In recent years, the major leagues developed a policy seeking to end this practice of hazing.
Wee Willie Keeler was still a pretty decent ballplayer, even then…. Wonderful fellow. I was too shy to say anything to him, but he came over to me one day and said, “Jim, you’ve got a great career ahead of you. If I can help you in any way, you just say the word.” How about that? 
Baseball field managers are a special subgroup of these ballplayers. Typically, they played professionally for many years, demonstrating keen knowledge of the game, and upon reaching an age at which they are too old to continue playing at a professional level, they are singled out by club owners and their upper management team as having leadership abilities. Here, we will take a quick look at two of these guys, John McGraw and Connie Mack, not because they were perfect human beings that never made a mistake, but because a few of their attributes are particularly informative when we want to get insights about the nature of respect.
Take Mr. McGraw. What a great man he was! The finest and grandest man I ever met. He loved his players and his players loved him. Of course, he wouldn’t stand for any nonsense. You had to live up to the rules and regulations of the New York Giants, and when he laid down the law you’d better abide by it.
Another attribute that Snodgrass appreciated about McGraw was his willingness to let players make decisions on their own initiative.
Chief Myers was a catcher for the Giants. What did he appreciate about McGraw? Before playing for McGraw, he and the other players were always booked at the cheapest hotels.
In addition to McGraw, we find in Ritter’s book players repeatedly voicing high respect for Connie Mack.
In my opinion, Connie Mack did more for baseball than any other human being–by the example he set, his attitude, the way he handled himself and his players. You know, like you’re playing a great game and you’re heroes to the children of this country. Live up to it, conduct yourself accordingly. Over a period of years others followed, and baseball became respectable. He was a true gentleman, in every sense of the word. Not many men are.
The game of baseball offers us a unique look at the nature of respect for two reasons. First, the game provides several unusually objective statistics that give us a pretty good idea of the talent of a player. In many other fields, such as art or teaching, the criteria for talent is far less objective. Second, we find that despite this unusually objective talent criteria of baseball, when we take a look at two players that played the same position in the same era and have excellent statistics, sometimes we discover they have very different levels of respect given to them by the players’ peers and baseball fans. When we see such differences, by looking at the reasons players and fans give for this, we get particularly keen insights about the nature of respect, insights that can be applied not only to the green fields of baseball, but to other fields as well.
Students of the game of baseball know that outfielders Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth were among the all time most talented players and yet the respect afforded to each can not be more different. In Lawrence S. Ritter’s wonderful book, The Glory of Their Times: The Story of the Early Days of Baseball Told by the Men Who Played It, we get a sense of why this is. So, for instance, Davy Jones played on the same team as Cobb. Here’s what he had to say:
Cobb was a very complex person–never did have many friends. Trouble was he had such a rotten disposition that it was damn hard to be his friend. I was probably the best friend he had on the club. I used to stick up for him, sit and talk with him on long trips, try to understand the man. He antagonized so many people that hardly anyone would speak to him, even among his own teammates.
In many ways he was resented by a lot of players because he was so doggone good, and that plus being ignored because he had such a nasty disposition meant that the man was very lonely. Of course, he brought a lot of it on himself, no doubt about that. A lot of time it seemed as though he was just asking for trouble.
Cobb was a great ballplayer, no doubt about it. But he sure wasn’t easy to get along with. He wasn’t a friendly, good natured guy, like Wagner was, or Walter Johnson, or Babe Ruth…. He came up with an antagonistic attitude, which in his mind, turned any little razzing into a life-or-death struggle. 
The Babe was always friendly, a real nice guy who’d go out of his way any time to do you a favor. When Cobb was out there on that ball field, look out. He wasn’t anybody’s friend then. He was out to win, regardless….
Mike is from duh Bronx, so naturally he is a huge Yankees fan. When I asked him about this topic he wrote me an email that said in part:
Respect for the person, I think, is very difficult to assess since few fans know the player as a person. There are countless examples of superb players who are rotten human beings. Several are in the Hall of Fame, ex. Ty Cobb. There are also examples of superb players who were also superb human beings. Several are in the Hall of Fame, ex. Lou Gehrig. Most players of all levels of ability are unknowable as human beings to fans.
Respect for the game, I think, depends largely on one’s definition of “how the game should be played.” For some, that is linked to sportsmanship. For others, that is linked to the bottom line of winning (I’m talking about pros here.) The recent Houston Astros scandal [involving using electronic devices to steal a catcher’s signals to his pitcher and relaying it to the batter] for example, was not valuing sportsmanship, but was valuing winning. Respect for the game is about behavior and that’s what is so tricky. 
Throwing a spitter, stealing signs, pitching high and tight, scuffing a baseball, juicing a bat, showing up an opponent, taking out a middle infielder or catcher, running up the score, bunting when far ahead, sliding with spikes up, hustling, showboating: some are time-honored acts, others are against the rules (written and unwritten) of the game. Some were, to complicate things, within the rules at one time and are not within the rules now.
It has been said that hitting a round ball square with a rounded bat is the hardest thing to do in sports. It has also been said that pro baseball is a hard game played by hard men. Most fans idealize the game and its players and collectively have created a mythology about it. Most players are doing every thing they can to earn a living and have no illusions about being part of a mythology. That is a real disconnect, wouldn’t you say?
Interestingly, Mike once had one of his poems published in ELYSIAN FIELDS: THE BASEBALL REVIEW, 1994. It poetically asks how fans feel about the incredibly talented player, Pete Rose, after he was banned from baseball for betting on games and lying about it. Mike used E. E. Cummings’s “Buffalo Bill” poem as the template for his poem, with its unusual combining of words:
I’ve always respected Mariano Rivera. He was the best ever at a position but always seemed so humble and down to earth. And even though he made millions of dollars, he moved back to Panama to be a preacher after he retired. It’s not at all the life path I would have chosen, but as far as I can tell, he avoided all the pitfalls of fame and fortune, and I respect anybody who can handle that situation with class and not be pulled in by all the peer pressure and expectations attached to that. 
When I was growing up, the Phillies were arguably the worst team in the major leagues. After so many years rooting for a team that would lose so, so many games, suddenly Roberts appeared on the scene, along with the other young “Whiz Kids” and it was such a thrill to suddenly have a competitive team.
Dave is a friend of mine who grew up in Queens and naturally became a Mets fan. However, now that he has been living in Georgetown, he has been rooting for the Nationals.
Hall of Famer Roberto Clemente is Dave’s choice for all time most respected baseball player. Dave mentioned Roberto’s incredible athleticism and his devotion to helping people living in dire circumstances. For those not familiar with Roberto’s charitable efforts, here’s some of the story according to Wikipedia:
The airplane he chartered for a New Year’s Eve flight, a 
All who saw Roberto Clemente in action, whether on the diamond or on the front lines of charitable endeavor, are richer for the experience. He stands with the handful of men whose brilliance has transformed the game of baseball into a showcase of skill and spirit, giving universal delight and inspiration. More than that, his selfless dedication to helping those with two strikes against them in life has blessed thousands and set an example for millions. As long as athletes and humanitarians are honored, Roberto Clemente’s memory will live; as long as Citizens Medals are presented, each will mean a little more because the first one went to him.
“Take me out to the ball game,
Nelly Kelly was sure some fan,
Do you, baby, know what it’s all about,
Grand slam,
Baseball, to me, represents life. It’s about heroes and goats, it’s about success and failure. It’s about individual effort, it’s about team effort. Baseball is about the game within the game. It’s really the only game that is not governed by time. And the thing that makes me insane is the people who say baseball is boring. It’s just playing catch. They don’t understand the game within the game. They don’t understand that how much changes from pitch to pitch. It’s actually fractions of a second that a hitter has to make a decision that he is actually going to swing, and then put it either between guys or hit it over the fence.
From there, Bob plays us a little audio clip of an announcer calling the thrilling, yet poignant, moment when Ted Williams, at his last at bat of his career, hits a long home run. The reaction of the crowd is just heartwarming.
And Juan Marichal comes up,
Say hey, say who?
Jamie, you should do what I used to do. When I was supposed to be asleep, I would take my radio and slip it under my pillow. Then put your ear next to the pillow, which you’re supposed to do with pillows anyway. This way you can hear the second game of a double header without bothering anyone else in the house. Thanks for your email, your private pillow pal.
Listen, guys, this game is only half skill,
Perhaps I can find some sound advice by flipping through my copy of the Tao Te Ching.
To be in favor or disgrace
When a person becomes respected, some people compare themselves to the respected person. If, in this comparison, they come to believe they are not as respected, this may ignite feelings of envy. Some of these people may seek to act in ways that harm the respected person in an effort to bring her or him down to a lower, less threatening, level. I wonder if President John F. Kennedy might have been assassinated because of this type of motivation.
In contrast to my difficulty understanding why to be respected is to live in fear, I have no difficulty understanding why living in disgrace is to live in fear. Bernie Madoff, the former investment advisor who became disgraced for carrying out a massive Ponzi scheme, comes to mind. His disgrace led to him currently serving a lengthy federal prison sentence. People who act in a manner that leads to their disgrace certainly have good reason to fear some bad things will be the result.
That stanza reminds me of the first noble truth of Buddhism. Life is not ideal: it frequently fails to live up to our expectations. Human beings are subject to desires and cravings, but even when we are able to satisfy these desires, the satisfaction is only temporary. Birth brings about suffering, as does aging, illness, the approaching of death, union with what is displeasing, separation from what is pleasing, not to get what one wants, etc.
He who strides cannot maintain the pace.
When Douglas argued that by freeing the slaves, this would lead to what many in the audience viewed as the absolute horror of the mixing of blood by the white and black races, Lincoln responded by pointing to the last census at the time. It indicated there were 405,751 mulattoes (a term used to refer to offspring who had both black and white parents) in the United States in 1850. He then went on to say,
All I ask for the negro is that, if you do not like him, let him alone. If God gave him but little, that little let him enjoy. Certainly the negro is not our equal in color–perhaps not in many other respects; still, in the right to put into his mouth the bread that his own hands have earned, he is the equal of every man, white or black. In pointing out that more has been give to you, you cannot be justified in taking away the little which has been given him.
If they look back to trace their connection with those days of blood, they find they have none; they cannot carry themselves back to the glorious epoch and make themselves feel they are part of us; but when they look through that old Declaration of Independence, they find that those old men say that “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal,” and they feel that that moral sentiment taught in that day evidences their relationship to those men, that it is the father of all moral principle in them, and that they have a right to claim it as though they were blood of the blood, and flesh of the flesh, of the men who wrote that Declaration; and so they are.
I am thankful to God for this approval of the people. But while deeply grateful for this mark of their confidence in me, if I know my heart, my gratitude is free from any taint of personal triumph. I do not impugn the motives of any one opposed to me. It is no pleasure to me to triumph over any one; but I give thanks to the Almighty for this evidence of the people’s resolution to stand by free government and the rights of humanity.
Doris Kearns Goodwin’s insightful book 
A classic illustration comes from Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol where we find the unforgettable Ebenezer Scrooge transformed by ghostly experiences from a disrespected miser to a lovable, generous employer. As we delve into our topic, we will draw upon a couple of episodes of Bob Dylan’s 
As Bob introduces the first of his two episodes on money, he tells us, with reggae music in the background,
The first song Bob plays for us is the bluesy “That’s What They Want.” Performed by Jerry McCain and His Upstarts, it tells about a guy grieving about the women he knows who are just interested in finding men who have a lot of money, and a Cadillac too.
Blue money, according to the Urban Dictionary, refers to 100 dollar bills, which got its name from a blue line that goes up and down the bill. But in some circles, it means money from making porn movies. Thus, according to this interpretation, the song is about the singer’s girlfriend making porn movies, which involves engaging in sexual activities for money.
When I was an undergraduate at Brooklyn College, I drove a taxi in Manhattan to cover my expenses. From time to time, as I was driving past the Port Authority, where buses and trains would bring loads of out-of-towners to the city, a few women dressed in very scanty, sexy outfits would jump in my taxi and tell me to drive around the block. As they peeked out the window, I could tell they had spotted some police officers, and they had me keep circling the block until the men in blue were gone.
Later, while a graduate student at the University of Minnesota, I worked at a Juvenile Correctional Facility, where I honed my counseling skills. Several of the female teenagers were in the facility because they had been engaged in prostitution. Here, I got to know what led these young ladies into this path to earn money. All came from extremely stressful financial situations. All were first lured into becoming hooked on drugs, which initially relieved their financially strapped stress. The leaders of the industry provided, at first, the drugs for free, along with other enticing gifts. In time, desperate to feed their addictions, these teenagers found turning tricks were the only way they knew how to survive. Somehow, during the counseling sessions, their humanity came to light, and a more kind and understanding attitude was fostered.
As Bob’s show continues, Bob plays for us, Nic Jones’s “Farewell to the Gold.” It provides a touching story of a man who, with a friend, spends his life hoping to strike it rich by prospecting for gold. In the end, his dream never comes true, and a flood leads to his friend drowning. The story is a metaphor for the real possibility that seeking gold doesn’t always work out well, and it’s important to be aware of this if we are to wisely choose our life’s pursuits.
As this episode winds down, Bob plays us, “You Can’t Take It With You” by Jessie Price. If you like piano, clarinet, and trumpet solos, this number is sure to put a smile on your face. And then, Bob concludes with the following words:
Bob begins part 2 by welcoming us back to the show. And then he says:
After some background remarks about the Drifters, Bob plays their song, “Money, Honey.” With the smooth voice of Clyde McPhatter, and some fine sax solos, the lyrics go,
We spent so much time talking about money, I want to leave you with someone who had an opposing opinion. He’s a smart guy about relativity, and he’s smart about this. We’re talking about Einstein, and he said, “I’m absolutely convinced that no wealth in the world can keep humanity from moving forward. Even in the hands of the most devoted worker the examples of great pure individuals is the only thing that can move us to noble thoughts and deeds. Money only appeals to selfishness and irresistibly invites abuse. Can anyone imagine Moses, Jesus, or Gandhi armed with the bags of money of Carnegie.” We’ll see you next week with all new themes, dreams, and schemes. 
Welcome to From Insults To Respect. As several of my earlier blog posts have indicated, many professionals, mental health service users, involuntary patients, and the general public have little, to no respect, for the American Psychiatric Association’s most recent version of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
I developed the CSM approach while working with the Task Force on Diagnostic Alternatives of the American Psychological Association’s Division 32 (Society of Humanistic Psychology). That group has not officially supported, as of yet, any single alternative. Instead, it has wisely decided that its next step is to send out a new open letter hoping to garner support for starting a process that will involve all of the mental health stakeholders including former and current mental health service users, individuals who experienced involuntary treatment, their family members, and mental health professionals.