Welcome to From Insults to Respect. 

As I write this post, we find ourselves in the midst of a worldwide epidemic. Has it muted the typical political rival rancor as we all pull together in common cause? Sadly, the insults are as bitter and unrelenting as ever.

Of course, there will be different views on how to best dig ourselves out of the mess we find ourselves in. This is understandable. But do disagreements have to lead to the abandoning of civility? To deepen our thinking about this, I invite you to take a little stroll with me along the path Abraham Lincoln took during the USA’s greatest conflict.

Lincoln’s Way Of Responding to People With Different Views From His Own

Lincoln and Douglas

When Lincoln was just getting into politics, there were a few occasions when he wrote some insulting words about his rivals. Then, by about 1842, he decided to cut it out. Rather than to insult his rivals, who typically had supporters Lincoln hoped to switch allegiance to him, he came to understand that it was better to be kind to those who hold opposing opinions. In defending his position that owning slaves is wrong, rather than hurling hatred toward southerners who were supporting it, he explained during one of his debates with Stephen Douglas,

As I have not felt, so I have not expressed any harsh sentiments toward our southern brethren. I have constantly declared, as I really believe, the only difference between them and us, is the difference of circumstances. I have meant to assail the motives of no party, or individual; and if I have, in any instance, (of which I am not conscious) departed from my purpose, I regret it.

Rather than malice toward rivals, he spoke loud enough to be heard, but without shouting, and rather than revealing a heart of anger, his voice communicated sadness and great sincerity. When Douglas argued that by freeing the slaves, this would lead to what many in the audience viewed as the absolute horror of the mixing of blood by the white and black races, Lincoln responded by pointing to the last census at the time. It indicated there were 405,751 mulattoes (a term used to refer to offspring who had both black and white parents) in the United States in 1850. He then went on to say,

Nearly all have sprung from black slaves and white masters… the chances of these black girls ever mixing their blood with that of white people would have been diminished at least to the extent that it could not have been without their consent. But Judge Douglas is delighted to have them be slaves, and not human enough to have a hearing, even if they were free, and thus left subject to the forced concubinage of their masters, and liable to become the mothers of mulattoes in spite of themselves; the very situation that produces nine-tenths of all the mulattoes–all the mixing of blood in the nation.

Notice, if you will, that in the above quote, Lincoln expresses his disagreement with Judge Douglas without any insulting name calling, and yet still manages to powerfully make his point.

During one of the debates with Douglas about slavery, it was Lincoln’s turn to counter what Douglas had just said. He began,

I do not propose to question the patriotism or to assail the motives of any man, but rather to confine myself strictly to the naked merits of the question….Let me say I think I have no prejudice against the southern people. They are just what we would be in their situation. If slavery did not exist among them, they would not introduce it. If it did now exist among us, we should not instantly give it up. This I believe of the masses North and South. Doubtless there are individuals on both sides who would not hold slaves under any circumstances, and others who would gladly introduce slavery anew if it were out of existence…. When southern people tell us they are no more responsible for the origin of slavery than we are, I acknowledge the fact. When it is said that the institution exists, and that it is very difficult to get rid of it in a satisfactory way, I can understand and appreciate the saying. I surely will not blame them for not doing what I should not know how to do it myself.

At another debate, Lincoln responded with relatable reasoned arguments to those who were wondering if they should or should not support slavery. Thus, in describing the meaning of “all men are created equal,” he explained,

All I ask for the negro is that, if you do not like him, let him alone. If God gave him but little, that little let him enjoy. Certainly the negro is not our equal in color–perhaps not in many other respects; still, in the right to put into his mouth the bread that his own hands have earned, he is the equal of every man, white or black. In pointing out that more has been give to you, you cannot be justified in taking away the little which has been given him.

When asked to speak in Chicago, he found many with different nationalities. Many were people asking themselves in what special and particular ways this country was better than the old. Most had no grandfathers who served in the American Revolution because they or their parents arrived afterwards. Speaking to the torch-lighted faces who gathered to hear him speak from the Tremont House balcony, he explained something profound about these peoples’ connection to all Americans:

If they look back to trace their connection with those days of blood, they find they have none; they cannot carry themselves back to the glorious epoch and make themselves feel they are part of us; but when they look through that old Declaration of Independence, they find that those old men say that “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal,” and they feel that that moral sentiment taught in that day evidences their relationship to those men, that it is the father of all moral principle in them, and that they have a right to claim it as though they were blood of the blood, and flesh of the flesh, of the men who wrote that Declaration; and so they are.

And then he passed on from here to describe the argument made by some that their race, or some other race, is to be treated as inferior. To this, he explained:

What are these arguments? They are the arguments that kings have made for enslaving the people in all ages of the world. You will find that all the arguments in favor of kingcraft were of this class; they always bestrode the necks of the people–not that they wanted to do it, but because the people were better off for being ridden. That is the argument–You work and I eat, you toil and I will enjoy the fruits of it.

To those who believe that without insulting those with whom we disagree it would be impossible to rouse the audience of a candidate, listen for a moment, to the reaction of Lincoln’s no insult Cooper Union speech, as described by a New York Tribune reporter.

There were applause, cheers; hats and handkerchiefs went into the air. He’s the greatest man since St Paul. The tones, the gestures, the kindling eyes, and the mirth-provoking look defy the reporter’s skill. The vast assemblage frequently rang with cheers and shouts of applause. No man ever before made such an impression on his first appeal to a New York audience.

Upon hearing the news that Lincoln had won the 1864 presidential election, he was serenaded by a crowd of supporters. He responded to them, ”

I am thankful to God for this approval of the people. But while deeply grateful for this mark of their confidence in me, if I know my heart, my gratitude is free from any taint of personal triumph. I do not impugn the motives of any one opposed to me. It is no pleasure to me to triumph over any one; but I give thanks to the Almighty for this evidence of the people’s resolution to stand by free government and the rights of humanity.

Lincoln understood that to build a strong country and a better future he would have to work with those who disagreed with him, and that included many who not only disagreed with him, but had launched some pretty rough insults at him when he was running for president. Doris Kearns Goodwin’s insightful book Team of Rivals is the story of Lincoln building his team of advisors that included as central players these very same rivals. A lesser man would have been threatened by this, kept them at arm’s length, and brought in only yes men.

Throughout his presidency, throughout the civil war, he liked to use sentences and phrases such as,

Let us at all times remember that all American citizens are brothers of a common country, and should dwell together in the bonds of fraternal feeling.

and,

..let us judge not, that we be not judged.

And, as the war approached its end, he spoke to the American people, saying:

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Conclusion

Lincoln Memorial

Well, there you have it, an example of a highly successful politician who tried his best to remain civil even when confronted with positions with which he strongly disagreed, and when dealing with people who had not been at all civil to him. In providing this example, I don’t want to accidentally mislead you, so let me be clear about one particular point.

Lincoln would criticize a person’s opinion, and at times this could come across as insulting the person who had expressed the opinion. He often used a little humor to make the point. For example, after Douglas made a particular argument, Lincoln responded that it was as thin as chicken soup made with the shadow of a chicken. Often, even those who disagreed with him would burst out laughing. That said, I hasten to point out that he never let the humorous comment provide his only reason why he disagreed. Instead, he would go on from there to provide clearly stated reasons for his disagreeing.

So, with that clarification, I leave you today with the hope that we can find it in our hearts to express our disagreements in a kind and civil manner.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on.  This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence.  To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Abraham Lincolncivility