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"Bully" the Movie bullying conflict resolution Donald Trump

Trump, Bullying, And Disrespect

Welcome to From Insults To Respect.

This week, I received a letter from a wonderful pal of mine, Mike Gilmartin, a retired English professor who dabbles in the fine art of poetry. His letter included his most recent effort, which he titled, “The Art Of Trumping The Deal.” To me, it powerfully expresses Mike’s emotion that comes with his disrespect for Donald Trump’s bullying behavior.

Mike views Trump as a bully, as he puts it, “Because a bully blusters and lies and then chickens out when truth is on the line.”

Mike, certainly, is not alone in viewing Trump as a bully. For example, in an article in the The Observer, Arlie Hochschild writes:

To bully someone is to seek to harm, intimidate or coerce another who’s perceived as vulnerable. As the National Center Against Bullying elaborates, there are many types of bullying. Reviewing them, we… can recall times when Trump has exemplified nearly all of them. There is physical bullying – tripping, kicking, hitting; remember his calls in 2016 to oust Black Lives Matter demonstrators in the “old-fashioned way” (with a show of fist in palm). There is verbal bullying – name-calling (Sleepy Joe, Crooked Hillary, Little Mario). There is mockery by imitation. Recall his laughing imitation of a disabled reporter, palsied arms and hands shaking. Then there is social bullying – showing contempt for someone’s social reputation (think of the Gold Star parents, Khizr and Ghazala Khan, ridiculed for the silence of the grieving mother).

These Trump bullying behaviors, according to a Washington Post article

“has seeped into schools across America. Many bullies now target other children differently than they used to, with kids as young as 6 mimicking the president’s insults and the cruel way he delivers them.

“Trump’s words, those chanted by his followers at campaign rallies and even his last name have been wielded by students and school staff members to harass children more than 300 times since the start of 2016 [to the end of 2019], a Washington Post review of 28,000 news stories found. At least three-quarters of the attacks were directed at kids who are Hispanic, black or Muslim, according to the analysis.”

When I first read Mike’s poem, I liked its poetic expression of the emotional reactions of disrespect that is often experienced when we see someone acting like a bully. An image of giving the bully a good sock in the kisser, understandably, might come to mind, as well as images of other violent acts.

Because of this being a common reaction, I thought it would be worthwhile to share the poem with my readers to aid the uprooting of weeds in one’s mind regarding the nature of bullying. At the same time, I wouldn’t want readers to think that I am recommending that such thoughts should be the automatic proper way to actually respond to bullies. Such violent responses can lead to an assault charge and land one in prison. There are also various other very serious negative consequences when responding violently. A wise response requires considering who is doing the bullying, and the situation in which it occurs. In past posts, I discuss some specific ideas about this (see HERE, HERE, and HERE for a few examples). So, with these prefatory comments out of the way, let’s move on to take a look at Mike’s poem.

The Art Of Trumping The Deal

We were both born in New York City

Less than a year apart.

Thus ends the similarity.

 

My Dad, a WWII combat Marine

Taught me many things.

And he taught me this about bullies:

 

“Son, if it’s going down in the schoolyard,

Punch them in the mouth with all you’ve got

And they’ll run home crying for their mamas.

 

“If it’s going down when you’re young men,

Kick them in the nuts with all you got

And they’ll squeal like little girls.

 

“If it’s going down when you’re grown men,

Watch if their lips are moving and tell them you know they are lying

And they’ll turn red and orange in whimpering rage.

 

“If it’s going down when you’re old men,

Listen for their painful moaning at the urinal

Then piss on their shoes

And they’ll try to rub it off on the back of their pants leg.”

My Impressions

Dr. Jeff Rubin

The poem leads me to vividly sense the anger and hate many people experience when encountering bullies. Although the body of the poem applies to bullies in general, the title of the poem, “The Art Of Trumping The Deal,” points me in the direction of considering Trump’s particular style of bullying.

Trump’s style has him not actually physically attacking the person he is seeking to bully, but rather, to incite others to do the attacking for him. Thus we hear of numerous articles indicating an increase in violence toward the very individuals Trump verbally attacks in his speeches.

And then we have the incident in which Trump summoned like-minded bullies to come to D.C. on January 6, his incendiary rhetoric provoking a violent attack on the nation’s capitalAlthough he recently pardon them, those carried out the violence were left to suffer for four years its consequences. Hundreds lost their jobs, others had to bear the cost and time of acquiring lawyers to defend themselves against criminal charges, many of them paying large fines, and some served time in prison. Meanwhile, Trump was bathing in the sun at his Mar-a-Lago country club.

But, somehow, I kinda think that all is not so perfectly rosy in Trump’s mind these days. It is just possible that images of numerous criminal investigations just may by provoking anxiety at the consequences of his recent actions.

Well, that’s my post for today. I’ve written it with the hope that it might encourage any of you who might be tempted to try to achieve some goal by bullying your way through various obstacles to pause and consider the value of employing less anger and hate promoting alternatives

 

My Best,
Jeff.

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conflict resolution Mental Illness psychiatrists psychiatry Thomas Szasz

Dr. Thomas Szasz and Psychiatric Name Calling

On this blog, one of the main topics of discussion is name calling.  And, from time to time, some people have asked me what I think of the types of names psychiatrists use to talk about their patients.

psych labelsIn response, I wrote a post titled Name Calling by Psychiatrists: Is it Time to Put a Stop to it?  It stirred up a great deal of interest, and the various comments led me to write several follow-up posts.  While all of this was going on, several people asked what I thought of the psychiatrist, Thomas Szasz.  And so, today’s post at least begins my reply.

 

Thomas Szasz, MD
Thomas Szasz, MD

It was 45 years ago when I first heard of Dr. Szasz.  I was about 19 years old, it was the late 1960s, and I was taking an Abnormal Psychology course as an undergraduate student at Brooklyn College. Professor Meyers presented a whole class on Dr. Szasz’s recent book, The Myth of Mental Illness.  It was a time when many of us were raging against the Vietnam War.  Questioning all authority went right along with that, and so Szasz’s position, for me, fell right into that general mindset.

Labeling a child as mentally ill is stigmatization, not diagnosis. Giving a child a psychiatric drug is poisoning, not treatment.--Dr. Thomas Szasz.
Labeling a child as mentally ill is stigmatization, not diagnosis. Giving a child a psychiatric drug is poisoning, not treatment.–Dr. Thomas Szasz.

After the course had ended, I really didn’t think much about Szasz’s ideas again until about 15 years later.  I was working with youth in the Corning, New York area, when I began to notice a dramatic increase in the number of young children and teenagers being prescribed psychiatric drugs.  At one point, five straight foster children that were brought to me for counseling not only were taking a psychiatric drug, but were taking several of them. Those students typically were unhappy about this, complained about serious side effects, and when I went to the library to check out the various risks associated with their use, I became very concerned.

szasz3To address my concern, I began to organize a debate on the use of these drugs, and the first person I thought to call was Dr. Szasz.  He was very helpful, agreed to debate the topic, and the debate created so much interest that other people began to ask me to help organize similar debates in their communities.  In the end, that single debate turned into a series of seven debates.

I learned a great deal from all of the participants, but it was Dr. Szasz who most challenged my thinking.  Although I disagree with some of his ideas, I admire his guts for standing up for what he believed, his humor, and his extraordinary intelligence.

Thomas Szasz passed away a couple of years ago at the age of 92.

szasz6A great deal of Szasz’s writings and ideas are readily available on line (see for example the article on Wikipedia). Nevertheless, to give my readers a little sense of his ideas, I am providing below a little snippet of his opening remarks from one of the debates that I helped to organize. It is slightly edited because he was not the first speaker during the debate and some of his comments alluded to remarks that someone else had said earlier during the proceedings.  Without having heard these other remarks, Szasz’s comments would be hard to follow, so I edited them out. This gives his comments a slight disconnected feel at times, so I ask that you not blame him for that.

And so, without any further ado, I give you, Dr. Thomas Szasz:

Portrait of Dr. Szasz that hangs in the medical library at the SUNY Upstate Medical University
Portrait of Dr. Szasz that hangs in the medical library at the SUNY Upstate Medical University

Ladies and gentlemen…. I would like to take this time to present my views of psychiatry ….

I believe…ideas have consequences.  Words only mean what we do about them.  They do not have abstract meaning.  So the question is what do we mean when we say something is a disease?

Now to me, psychiatry doesn’t have to do with diseases at all.  Just like, to me, communism doesn’t have to do with ideas. 

Berlin Wall
Berlin Wall

Communism was symbolized by a bunch of stones called the Berlin Wall.  But what it actually meant is that if you lived in a communist country, you can come in, everything was fine and you were told everything was wonderful for you, but if you tried to leave you found that they shot you, that you couldn’t get out. This is what happens in a mental hospital.  You can get in, but you can’t get out….

CoercionPsychiatry is a branch of the law, it has alway been, and always will be…  To me, psychiatry is coercion.  I have always said, I support psychiatry between consenting adults…  I am only interested in involuntary aspects of psychiatry.

brain diseasesFor the sake of the argument, I don’t believe this, but for the sake of the argument, to make my argument clear, let’s say schizophrenia is a brain disease, just like cirrhosis is a disease of the liver.  If we accept this and treat it like other diseases, then psychiatry disappears.  It would then be treated by a brain doctor.  The insanity defense disappears.  Involuntary psychiatry disappears.  If somebody kills somebody they are tried like everyone else.  There are no psychiatrists lining up to testify to say Prozac causes murder, or mental illness causes murder, or everything causes murder except free will.

bleedingOk,… let me give you two English sentences. The statement Jones is bleeding, is a statement about his body.  The statement  that Jones is boasting is a statement about Jones.  They sound like the same type of statement, but they are not. The question, what do we mean by schizophrenia.  Do we mean that they are a type of lesion, or do we mean, behavior.  How does someone first diagnose someone with schizophrenia—from his body, or his behavior?

szasz quoteLet’s assume the person has a disease.  The person is still behaving, the person is still a moral agent.  Patients, from a moral, legal point of view, are exactly like non-patients. If I have asthma, Parkinson, etc., I can still behave.  When people have Parkinson and they shoot somebody, they are responsible, if they are nice to their wives, they get along, if they are not so nice they get a divorce and so on.

gayNow we come to some more issues.  Supposing someone claims that someone has a disease. On whose authority do we take this?  In my lifetime, great authorities have maintained homosexuality was a disease.  When I was in the US Navy 30 years ago, that was one of the major ideas of the service was to single out homosexuals, who were then given diagnoses by psychiatrists.  This was viewed as a serious disease.  Now, on the cover of Time we find that they are entitled to civil rights.  What happened to their disease?

Not only was racism2homosexuality a disease, so was being black according to an early psychiatrist, Benjamin Rush. According to him, blacks were blacks because they had a form of leprosy.  On whose authority did he claim this?  On the authority that he is a doctor?

brains3Now we are shown pictures of brains and told that they prove that schizophrenia is a disease.  On whose authority?  The fact is that no pathologists diagnose anyone as schizophrenic based on any pictures of someone’s brain, or any other medical test.  Even on postmortem, when the patient said to be schizophrenic dies the pathologist says no disease was found.  The same thing with depression…

bookThe discussion of who has a mental  illness is based on judgements of a person’s behavior.  So this idea that you can have a brain disease, like schizophrenia, is a little  strange.  Let me just give you a few questions to stimulate you.  What would asymptomatic depression look like.  Now we know what asymptomatic hypertension is, or asymptomatic leukemia,… but what is asyptomatic depression?  Better yet, what is asyptomatic schizophrenia? What would that be.  Or asymptomatic Judaism, or Christianity.  These are behaviors.  If the behavior is not there it is not here….

My time is nearly up, so let me leave you with a couple of questions.  Please listen carefully because this is a question and a joke.  If somebody has a delusion of having cancer, then he has a mental illness, right, because he doesn’t have cancer?  What would it mean if he has a delusion of being mentally ill?

responsibilityOkay, now to the issue of saying someone has a mental illness which is due to some biological basis. This is nonsense because everything we do has a biological basis… The most ordinary things are biological bases, namely eating and sex, called hunger and lust.  These are not diseases.  And just because they have a biological basis that doesn’t mean that you have to act.  Urination and defecresponsibility6ation have a biological basis. These are powerful impulses that have a biological basis but that doesn’t mean we have to do it in the middle of the living room…. Life begins with responsibility and ends with responsibility….  Psychiatry is a discipline that undermines responsibility.  Thank you.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on.  This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence.  To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

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"Bully" the Movie Bullied conflict management conflict resolution emotional intelligence free social intelligence and emotional intelligence curriculum teasing threats wisdom

“BULLY” AND BEYOND

bully1

Although the deeply disturbing documentary, “Bully,” has been out for over a year, I just got to view it as a rental a few days ago.  It grabbed my guts and gave them a wrenching twist.

The documentary focuses on the struggles of five families.  Two students end up killing themselves, others seriously consider it, while one young lady attempts to discourage her persecutors from continuing their bullying by bringing a loaded gun on a school bus and screaming threats.

bullybus

Each of the family stories is brought vividly to life.  For example, Alex, a 14-year old, is teased, humiliated and assaulted daily.

bully8

Here we see him getting abused on the school bus.

bullybus2

Trying to make sense of it all, at one point he sticks up for his tormentors, saying they are “just messing around” when they stab him with pencils and call him vile names.  At another point, he asks his deeply troubled mother, “If not for them, what friends do I have?”

bullyparents

It is not only boys who are humiliated regularly at school.

bully9

Many are berated about their sexuality.bullygay

bully12

Others, because of the color of their skin.

bully16

It happens on school buses.

bully7

In school hallways.

bully5

And more and more, on the internet.

bullyinternet

Often groups of children band together to pick on others.

bully17

bullyadults2The educators that we see in the film come across as needing some sound advice on handling bullying.  A. O. Scott, in his review of the movie for the New York Times, refers to them as well-meaning but clueless.  Particularly irksome to Scott is the scene in which an assistant principal tries to settle a conflict between two boys who apparently had been fighting at recess.

bully14“When she insists that they shake hands, one eagerly obliges, with a smile and an apology.  The other sullenly resists, and as she scolds him for his noncooperation (letting his antagonist go), it becomes clear that this boy is the victim, and that the assistant principal’s rushed attempt to be fair is in fact perpetuating a terrible and continuing injustice.”

At first, I was very disappointed that the movie offers very little constructive suggestions about what can be done to turn this dismal problem around.  But its emotional impact has been an important part of the emergence of a coalition working toward altering intolerable conditions too often regarded as “just kids being kids.”

bully4The movie has spawned The Bully Project, an online site where people can learn more about dealing with bullying.  There, kids who are bullied can learn that they are not alone.  And educators can learn about how to set up a viewing of the movie for their entire school and to follow up the viewing with classroom discussions.

In one video that we can access at the site, we see one entire school going to the movie and then getting the reactions from students.  One kid reports that there was not a dry eye in the auditorium.  Others admitted that they had bullied, but now realized it was wrong.

bully6

Also available on line, as my regular readers know, is this blog, From Insults To Respect.  The blog can be used as a free curriculum that teaches the social skills to deal with these challenging experiences.

Illustration by Eric Sailer
Illustration by Eric Sailer

For those of you who are first getting familiar with this blog and want to help others to learn how to deal with problems involving insults, I recommend starting with my post titled:

INSULTS: A COMIC STRIP LOVER’S GUIDE

There, readers can learn about eight different reasons why people insult others and get some suggestions about how to deal with each of them.

If you are a parent or educator, in my post titled, TEACHING CHILDREN HOW TO DEAL WITH CRITICISM, I recommend a fun game that teaches kids how to respond to criticism in a manner that enhances their reputation.

Illustration by Eric Sailer
Illustration by Eric Sailer

One approach that I have used in a school setting to deal with these types of issues is to have kids create brief TV shows that illustrate each of the four levels of responding to criticism that I discuss regularly on my blog (see, for example, RESPONDING TO CRITICISM: FOUR LEVELS OF MATURITY).  The kids loved doing this.  When the kids were done acting out these video role-plays, I had the parents of the kids in my group come, and it created a dialogue about these issues that was very well received.

After the parents saw the TV shows, I made another set of these four-level role-play videos with the same group of kids, and again, the parents showed up.  By now, the kids had learned this set of skills like it was the back of their hands, and were using them in settings outside the group.

A particularly powerful way to teach skills that deal with bullying is through narratives that are designed to change the valuation of bullying to make it signify ineptitude rather than manliness. We can change the culture by telling stories in which kids, out of fear, act nice to a bully when face to face with them but speak negatively about them as soon as the bully’s back is turned. “Is that the type of respect you are after?” is a question to ask the students after each story is told.

hero coverI’ve published a trilogy of three novels that not only addresses this question, but presents a character who rejects bullying and yet learns to achieve respect.

In my view, it is vitally important that we raise the awareness that something that is viewed as “normal” is terribly wrong.  The film, “Bully,” does an excellent job of doing this.  But we must go beyond this crucial step.  We must also raise the awareness that there are very specific actions that people can take to alter the awful injustice we find in and around our schools, and to teach students, parents and educators alike what those actions are.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.