Tag: name calling

Responding Maturely to Criticism: A New Example

Post author By Dr. Jeffrey Rubin
Post date March 13, 2021
6 Comments on Responding Maturely to Criticism: A New Example

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

Regular readers know that I have been presenting the theory that a powerful way to increase the respect that others have for you, and the respect you have for yourself, is to become a master at responding to criticism. To that end, I have presented a model that describes five levels of maturity for responding to criticism (see HERE and HERE). In this model, level 1 is viewed as the least mature, level 2 is viewed as more mature, and so on up to level 5. In addition to describing each of these levels, I presented the case that this model makes sense (see HERE and HERE), and I have, from time to time, provided examples of people using the most mature level in order to help individuals who choose to perfect this skill (see HERE, HERE, and HERE). Today, we will once again look over all five levels, and then, after a quick look at a level 5 example we discussed in an earlier post, we’ll then take an in depth look at a fresh new example.

Let’s take a look at these five levels.

Five Levels of Responding to Criticism

1. This level requires displaying one or more of the following:

Weeps or sobs with tears or pouts without also using level 4 response
Physically attacks the criticizer
Damages property

2. This level requires displaying one or more of the following:

Insults the criticizer (either with words, hand gestures, the sticking out of a tongue, the rolling of the eyes, or smirks)
Glares at the criticizer
Threatens the criticizer
Punches, kicks, or throws an object without physically hurting someone or damaging anything
Criticizes the criticizer without first fully addressing the original criticism.

3. This level requires displaying one or both of the following:

Displays defensiveness without directly insulting the criticizer (raising voice’s volume or pitch)
Displays a lack of interest either by verbally indicating this, or with nonverbal cues, or complete silence.

4. Level 4 individuals listen to the criticizer in a supportive, warm, friendly style, and then make it clear that they fully understand what was said. Moreover, they put the criticizer at ease by making statements that indicate that the wise learn from criticism. Some time is spent on showing that they are thinking about the criticism. If, after thinking about the criticism the criticism is deemed to be correct, they make a statement frankly indicating, “I can see your ideas have merit and I intend to use them in the future.” If they are not sure if they agree, they make a statement indicating that they are very interested in what was said, plan to think a little more about this over the next few days, and then they will be ready to discuss this further. If, after thinking about the criticism, the criticism is deemed to be incorrect, a statement is made designed to disagree without being disagreeable. More specifically, a sense of humor, some listening in a caring way and a few smiles help to traverse rough terrain. As the episode winds down, the criticizer is encouraged to feel comfortable communicating suggestions in the future.

5. In addition to actions consistent with level 4, people responding to criticism in a manner consistent with level 5 seek ways to use, whenever they disagree with the criticism, a technique known as steering in the direction the criticizer would prefer to go. That is, rather than just disagreeing without being disagreeable, the criticized person seeks to find a new choice of action that creatively utilizes some aspect suggested from the criticism. Steering cannot be incorporated into all situations, but it is an additional goal of the most mature individuals.

An Old Example and A New Example of a Level 5 Response

Old Example: Here’s a quick example of my responding to criticism at level 5 that I discussed in an earlier post. My wife, Andrea, and I were getting dressed to go to a party. When Andrea saw what shirt I put on, she criticized my choice, saying, “That’s not quite right for this occasion.”

Although I disagreed with her, before I began to tell her I disagreed, I silently asked myself, “Can I steer in the direction of Andrea’s criticism?”

I quickly realized that I have two other shirts that I would enjoy wearing to this party as much as the one I initially picked out. And so, I pulled them out of my closet and said, “Well, since you don’t like the one I picked out for this evening, how about either of these two?”

“Oh,” she says, “the one on the left would be perfect. Thanks, dear.”

Notice that despite disagreeing with Andrea’s criticism, I found a way to reach an agreement with which both of us were satisfied. Andrea felt that I listened to her concern and was appreciative that I would make an adjustment to please her.

New Example: Today’s new example comes from a beautifully written book I happened to be reading, The Known World, by Edward P. Jones. The story takes place in Virginia mostly before the Civil War. In this part of the story, a conflict has sprung up in the county involving Harvey and Clarence.

Harvey has sold to Clarence for $15 a scrawny cow with practically no meat on its bones. Prior to the deal, Harvey had lied to Clarence, claiming that the cow was a good milker, though in fact more milk fell from the sky than from the cow. After the sale, when Clarence found this out, he was getting pretty frustrated, but then one day, all of a sudden, the cow turned into an excellent milker, and continued to be so. When Harvey found out about this, he wanted the cow back because a cow flowing with milk was not what he had taken $15 for.

When Clarence refused, a feud began, with threats and guns being fired, some of the bullets landing pretty near the children. So, Clarence’s wife, Beth Ann, went to Sheriff John Skiffington. “We will kill him or he will kill us,” she cried.

When Sheriff Skiffington gets Clarence, Beth, and Harvey together to try to settle the conflict…

“You sell Clarence and Beth Ann that cow?” Skiffington asked Harvey.

“Yes, I did, John.”

“Well, that should be the end of it, Harvey,” Skiffington said. “The law is on Clarence’s side. Square bargain. Clean deal.”

It is at this point Harvey begins to criticize Sheriff John Skiffington’s position.

“Now wait here a minute, John,” Harvey said. “Maybe I shoulda got to you first and pled my case, steada bein second to testify like I am.”

“John, you can see what we had to wrestle with out here,” Beth Ann said. “This kinda talk and bullets to keep em company.”

“The only bullets were from your side.” Harvey looked at Skiffington. “Or are you to believe all her side on that too? Maybe if Clarence would stiffen up a—”

“I take no side but the right one,” Skiffington said to Harvey, and if you don’t believe that then you can turn around and go home.” He waited. “I ain’t got time to waste on this cow business, Harvey.” He and Harvey were now facing each other. Beth Ann knew enough about life to know when things were dancing their way so she was quiet. Skiffington stepped to Harvey so that they were but two feet apart. You tell me this, Harvey, if that cow had died a day after you sold it to him, a day after now. No, not a day, not even a day. One hour after you sold it to him, just long enough for Clarence to lead the thing from your place, over the rise to his place so all them hooves are standing on his land and he owned it free and clear and then it up and drop dead on him, would you give him his money back? Would you think you sold him a dead cow and give him his money back? Now would you?”

“I’d feel it was the right thing maybe, seeing as how…I mean after all, the cow didn’t live long anough…”

Skiffington was disappointed in the answer but he knew he should not have been. He took Harvey’s shoulder and they walked away from everyone. “You sold him the cow, Harvey, and there ain’t a thing I can do. There ain’t even nothing President Fillmore can do. You know that if I thought there was something wrong, that if Beth Ann and Clarence was wrong in any way, I would stand up for you. I would move heaven and earth to make it right for you Harvey. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, John, I do.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t want any more bad things between you two men, not a one. Do you understand me, Harvey?”

“Yes, John, I do.”

“I’ll say this to you: Twice a week you send two of your chaps over here with whatever they can carry to take back some milk . But only two of them chaps, Harvey, and just twice a week. No return trips for that day. One trip and that’s all. And never you or your wife are to come.”

Harvey wiped his mouth with his hand, then wiped his brow with his sleeved arm. His eyes teared because he had gotten the worst of it after setting out with a plan five weeks before that should have left him on top with $15. He nodded.

“Stand here,” Skiffington said and went back to Clarence and Beth Ann, who agreed to what he had told Harvey.“John, am I gonna have any more trouble outa him, shooting trouble?” Beth Ann asked.

“Will this end it, John?” Clarence asked.

“There won’t be no more. No more of this.”

“By whose word then, John?” Beth Ann said. “His word or your word.”

“First his word, then backed up by my word,” Skiffington said.” Good,” and she shook Skiffington’s hand and then he shook her husband’s hand.

Skiffington went back to Harvey. “If things stay peaceful, then there might be more days with milk for you, Harvey, but that has to come from Clarence and Beth. They can give you more days ’cause it’s their property.” Harvey nodded. He turned to leave. “And, Harvey, if someone shoots at Clarence again, I will come out to get you, and it will be a different world for you, your wife and your chaps.”

Discussion

In the above scenario, Harvey has a conflict with Clarence and Beth. When Sheriff John Skiffington is asked to help resolve the conflict, the sheriff expresses his opinion that the law is on Clarence and Beth’s side and therefore the sale of the cow is final and that should be the end of the conflict. It is at this point that Harvey criticizes the sheriff, saying in essence, that the sheriff has offered his opinion by just hearing Clarence and Beth’s side of the story, and not hearing his side. Now, to be fair to the sheriff, he had already asked what he felt was the pertinent question directly to Harvey, and Harvey replied by admitting he did indeed sell the cow to Clarence and Beth. Nevertheless, Harvey indicates he has more to say on the matter and should be listened to before the sheriff draws any conclusion.

Now, at first the sheriff is rather abrupt when he says, “I take no side but the right one, and if you don’t believe that then you can turn around and go home.” After a pause, the sheriff goes on to say, “I ain’t got time to waste on this cow business.” To be fair to the sheriff, behind this scene’s plot of the novel the sheriff is under enormous pressure to be attending to some other very serious law enforcement issues. Nevertheless, upon reflection, the sheriff decides to take some more time to address Harvey’s criticism.

First, he tries to reason with him, by simply asking him what he would have done if the cow had suddenly died immediately after he had completed the sale with Clarence and Beth. Harvey replies that maybe he would have returned the money.

Because of incidences earlier in the novel, the sheriff has learned enough about Harvey’s personality to conclude he is lying. Nevertheless, Sheriff Skiffington does not call Harvey a liar, nor does he call him any other name, or seek to insult him in any other manner. Instead, he guides Harvey away from the others involved in the conflict to see if he could better resolve the conflict. The sheriff’s approach involves letting Harvey know that if he was right in this matter, he would take his side and even move heaven and earth to help him if he could, but the law is completely on the side of Clarence and Beth. And then, even though the sheriff believes he is right on this point, he nevertheless seeks to steer in the direction Harvey would like, by offering to get some milk from the cow each week in a manner that would not be much of a hardship for Clarence and Beth. This isn’t an ideal solution in Harvey’s mind, but the simple fact that the sheriff made some effort to do a little something on behalf of him, does lead to the conflict becoming resolved. As the novel continues, there is no more trouble between these antagonists.

At the end of the scenario, the sheriff tells Harvey that if he shoots at Clarence again, he’ll come out to arrest him. This may seem to be a threat, and because threatening a criticizer is, according to the model presented above, a level 2 response, should you conclude the sheriff handled this situation in an immature manner? Here’s why I don’t think this is the correct way to interpret this situation.

In my opinion, the sheriff’s statement was neither a threat nor a response to Harvey’s criticism. Rather, it was part of his duty as a sheriff to inform Harvey of the consequences he would be obligated to carry out under the law.

So, overall, I’m leaning toward giving the sheriff a rating of 4.7. It wasn’t perfect, in my estimation, so I took a little off the 5, but I feel, overall, he did a pretty good job under the circumstances.

Some might wish to make some suggestions regarding how the sheriff could have handled his response to Harvey’s criticism even better than he did. I think discussing those suggestions would be worthwhile, and I hope to hear from readers about this. At the same time, I’m hoping this post might be of help in better understanding the nature of steering, and how it can be used to better respond to criticism.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags Five levels of responding to criticism, name calling, Responding to criticism

conflict resolution insults Name calling Obesity over weight

On Being Viewed As “Fat”

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Recently, I’ve been reading about the trials and tribulations of being viewed as fat. For example, in a Psychology Today article titled “Is Your Child Being Teased About His Weight?” the author, Edward Abramson, Ph.D., tells us that,

“Although the medical consequences of childhood obesity may not emerge until adulthood, the psychological effects are immediately present. Studies have shown that discrimination against overweight kids begins in kindergarten or earlier. One study of five year-olds found that they described an overweight child as ‘lazy, dirty, stupid, and ugly.’ A new study found that 4 – 8 year old children were less likely to help overweight peers with everyday tasks like picking up toys. Another study reported that virtually all overweight teenage girls had been verbally abused. College students when asked to rate the desirability of a potential spouse rated cocaine users, embezzlers, and shoplifters as better marriage partners than an obese person.”

In another article, this one titled, “Being Called FAT. It Hurts. And You Don’t Forget,” Cassey Ho, a fitness instructor, tells us about a teenager who described her experience as follows:

“I was at a family birthday party, we were all eating together at this long table with all sorts of wonderful foods laid out. I was thoroughly enjoying my plate along with my mom and sister. Then this little girl who was probably a year or two younger than me looks at me and says ‘Why are you so fat?’

“I stopped chewing. My eyes welled up with tears. The edges of my lips curled and I fought the quivering frown overcoming my face. I dropped my fork. Ran into another room. Cried. The kind of crying where you can’t stop and you can’t breathe.”

When we meet someone we care about who is dealing with this kind of challenging experience, is there anything that we can do that can be helpful? To address this question, I’m going to present a little scenario that kinda describes what I have done over the years when I found myself providing counseling to someone dealing with this issue. In saying the scenario “kinda” describes what I have done I mean to indicate that it really is, by necessity, a shortened description of what actually occurs in my actual counseling sessions. More specifically, in real life sessions I spend distinctly more intervals of time listening in a caring way than we will see in the scenario. I ask more questions to clarify what specifically occurred in any event being described. I am more likely to slightly rephrase what the person had said so they see that I understand what I have been listening to, thus reassuring them I’m really deeply listening. A full rendition of such a counseling session would be a fifty-minute read, way too long for our purposes.

In presenting the scenario, I hasten to mention that it is not my intention to declare that it presents the ideal approach to being helpful. It is merely offered as a useful way to set up a model that can be critiqued. I encourage readers to freely suggest any improvements, and to point out where, in their estimation, I went astray.

The Counseling Scenario

Heather, a 17 year-old high school student, arrived for her weekly counseling session.

“How are you doing?” I ask as she sits down.

Heather folds her arms as if she’s holding herself. Her mouth curves downward. There’s a slight twitching at its corners. Her eyes begin to water.

“You’re looking mighty sad,” I say. “Did something happen?”

“While my mom was driving me here, I took out a candy bar, and she told me I shouldn’t eat it because I was getting fat. Do you think I’m getting fat?”

“Heather, I like you just the way you are.”

“How can you like me? Look at how fat I am!”

“Oh, it’s very possible for me to like and respect people who weigh more than the average person. One of my favorite actresses is Hattie McDaniel who surely weighed more than you. She played parts in numerous movies such as ‘Gone with the Wind’ and ‘Show Boat.’ It wasn’t just me who delighted in her character portrayals, many producers must have liked her too because they selected her to play in over 300 movies, and her peers selected her to win an Academy Award. She wasn’t just a movie actress, she also was a singer and song writer as well. The United States honored her with a U.S. postage stamp for her contributions to the arts.

“William Howard Taft weighed far more than you, well over 300 pounds. Despite that, the American people selected him to be our 27th president. After that, he was selected to be Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, certainly one of the most respected positions in the country. So, people can surely like and respect people who weigh more than average.”

“You, and others might like and respect some people heavier than average,” Heather hastens to say, “but I bet you didn’t ask them out on dates.”

“Well, when I first started to date, I did have in mind asking out only women who matched the ideal Hollywood romantic lead image, and they did tend to have narrow waistlines. They also had faces that can lead one to drift into a dream. As it turned out, there were not a whole lot of such women around my neighborhood, and yet I did start to date. On some scales, those that I dated did not match the perfect Hollywood type here or there but I found I was still attracted to them. In time I got to know things about them that transcended mere looks. When I met my wife, she was wearing braces on her teeth, hardly a classic Hollywood look.

“And judging from my observations, most women that I knew during my dating days were willing to go out with guys who didn’t look exactly like Cary Grant or Robert Redford. After a while they found someone that had looks that fell short of what some might think of as perfect in every way, and nevertheless, they fell in love and got married.

“So, that’s my take on these questions you’ve been posing to me. Perhaps more important is how you have been feeling and thinking about these issues. Would it be okay if we switched to focus on this?”

“I guess.”

“Good. So, tell me a little more about how you felt when your mother said you were getting fat.”

“It felt awful.”

“You don’t like the idea that you might be becoming heavier than you would like?”

“I hate it!”

“Do you think you are becoming fat?”

Here, Heather pauses, and her face starts to turn a bit purple. After a few seconds, she says, “Lately, when I see myself in a mirror, I view myself as being fat.”

“I see.” I pause here for a few seconds, just experiencing within me strong empathy for what Heather has been going through, and also seeking a way toward some peace with it.

Then I say, “I think it would be helpful if we tried a little mindfulness exercise here. It’s quite simple. I’d like you to close your eyes for one minute and just focus on the physical sensations that you experience when recalling how you felt when your mom said you were getting fat, and how you have been feeling when you look in the mirror. I’ll also close my eyes for that minute and focus on my own physical sensations when I recall someone saying something to me that I found stressful and how I’ve been feeling when I look in a mirror. Would you be okay if we tried this little exercise?”

“Okay, I guess. What good would that do?”

“The exercise comes from several ancient wisdom traditions. It is part of what has been called ‘mindfulness.’ There is a theory that it deepens our stressful experiences in a way that perhaps leads us to take some positive actions to deal better with them.”

“Well, I guess if it will only take a minute.”

“Good. So, let’s close our eyes and focus on the stressful experiences we have just been talking about, focussing more on the physical sensations in a non-judgmental manner. I’ll keep track of the time. If you desire, at any time, to open your eyes, feel free to do so. You don’t have to keep them closed, but it is more relaxing and less distracting if you have them closed most of the time.”

“Okay.”

When the minute is up, I let Heather know that it was time to open our eyes. Then I ask her to describe what she had experienced.

“As I thought about what my mom said, I felt a tightness in my stomach and I noticed my hands squeezed very tightly into fists. When I thought about looking into the mirror, I felt like crying.”

“Anything else that you noticed on a physical level?”

“No. That’s about it. How about you, Dr. Rubin? What happened on a physical level with you.”

“I recalled when I was young I had the opposite problem than you, because people called me, in a nasty way, a ‘Skinny Marrink.’ I found, on a physical level I felt a kinda twisting sensation in the center and upper chest, and a tightness in the back of my neck. And when I thought about how I’ve been feeling when I look in the mirror, I felt a grieving sensation about my hair thinning and how much older I look, and I found on a physical level that I let out a long sigh, and then my lips tightened, and I sighed once again.”

At this, Heather smiles, and then she catches herself doing it, and she says, “I didn’t mean to smile at your distress, it’s just, well I guess I felt a little comforted hearing that even you can be stressed out about your looks.”

“Even me?”

“Well, that you’re a doctor and all.”

“I see. I suppose that’s understandable.”

Then Heather says, “When I was focussing on my physical sensations, I did think that if I don’t like how fat I’m getting, I oughta do something about it. It is healthier to not be overweight. Can you help me to come up with a plan?”

“If you like, we could work on that together. I think we would want to include not only eating less, but also eating healthy foods and getting sufficient exercise.”

“That makes sense to me, Dr. Rubin.”

Conclusion

So, there you have it, a scenario of one counselor’s effort to be helpful when someone was dealing with being viewed as fat. I hope that it was apparent in the scenario that I sought to listen in a caring manner, and remain supportive, respectful, and accepting.

Did I ask the right questions? Did I say something that you feel is wrong? Do you have any suggestions for improving the session? I encourage you all to speak up and express your views in the comment section. No one is going to bite you on this blog, I can assure you of that.

In any case, may you all find someone who will show you kindness as you meet up with all of your challenging experiences.

Jeff

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags name calling, Obesity, Overweight problems

conflict resolution Dealing with gay insults Gay Insults

On Being Called Gay

When I first started writing a blog about name calling, insults, and respect, the very first comment that I received was from a guy who called himself Richard from Colorado.

I’m afraid to come out of the closet.

“Even if you don’t think that your words hurt,” Richard wrote, “they can. I’m gay and struggling with it. I don’t want people to know yet, but it still hurts inside when someone says that’s so gay because it puts me down.”

I replied,

“Hi Richard,
Thanks for your comment. Yes, there are certain statements that we hear that are really hard to bear. I’m wondering if you have found a response to such comments that you feel works for you. And when you use that response, what kinds of reactions do you get? I think those of us following the blog would be interested in this and your experience.”

I never heard back from Richard, and so I put the gay issue aside believing it wasn’t necessary to take it on directly because it is only a small minority who could relate to this. According to a 2015 Gallop poll, less than 4 percent of the adult population identify themselves as gay. It seemed to me that my blog posts should focus on issues with which the vast majority of people could identify. Moreover, the many suggestions that I do provide in my posts to deal with insults in a general way could easily be applied by someone who is called gay in a disrespectful manner.

But last week I received an email that made me think a little more about this.

“Hello Dr. Rubin,

I recently enjoyed reading a few posts from your blog, and I have a question. I suspect other readers have had similar questions, so if you’ve addressed this in a post, please feel free to just send me a link, if so. Any response would be appreciated.

I was interested in your idea of ‘four levels of maturity’ in which the highest level of maturity is to listen thoughtfully to an insult or criticism, and to accept the criticism offered. I agree there are many situations in which this kind of response would indeed be best.

However, I was one of those young men who, especially when I was in school, was frequently verbally abused by other young men who would for instance call me a ‘fag.’

I don’t happen to be gay, but my daughter is, and she gets very upset when other kids taunt her with slurs she interprets as ‘homophobic.’ A ‘level four’ thoughtful acceptance of such a slur would obviously not be appropriate. What do you counsel young people to do in those situations?”

I responded with an email directly to the writer of this email, offering some suggestions. Then, after a little more thought, I decided that the issues raised earlier by Richard from Colorado and the writer of the email I recently received actually do impact a majority of people. Moreover, even if it didn’t, taking a little time to directly address a concern that a minority are dealing with is a decent thing to do. And so, in this light, I offer the following meditation on this topic.

Why This Topic is Relevant to a Majority of People

The first time I gave any thought to this topic was way back in the early 1960s. I was about twelve years old, watching TV with my mom. A pianist, Liberace, played a pretty impressive number, and then, as he was being interviewed by the show’s host, my mom turned to me and said, “He’s a faygala, but I like him anyway.”

Faygala is a Yiddish word that literally means “little bird,” but in the Brooklyn neighborhood that I grew up in it typically referred to a gay man. I didn’t know that at the time, so I asked my mom, “Liberace’s a faygala? What’s a faygala?”

“Oh, it means a guy that likes other guys like most guys like women. They prefer to sleep with a man and have sex with a man, rather than with a woman.”

The fact that my mom still liked Liberace despite his being gay was not all that unusual. With his unique blend of piano prowess and over-the-top showmanship, Liberace was one of the most loved performers of the 20th century. For several years he had his own TV show, with an estimated 35 million mostly female viewers. He sold millions of records and was one of the highest paid performers in Las Vegas.

With this fresh, saucy news that there were guys called faygalas who like to have sex with other guys, the next morning in the school yard I revealed all that I had learned from my mom. One of the older guys, after listening to me, informed us that the type of guy I was talking about might be called a faygala in Yiddish, but the usual words for this, as far as he was concerned, was either a “faggot” or a “fag.”

I was surprised by this because I, and many of the guys in my neighborhood, were very familiar with these two words. We often used them ourselves when we wanted to throw an insult at someone, and others, likewise, had used them against us. At the time, my friends and I had just thought they were general insults that meant something similar to “stupid jerk!”

I’m a little embarrassed to say that even after I learned that the words faggot and fag were put downs to gay people, I continued to use them as general insults for a good few more years until one particular incident.

I happened to be talking to a friend of mine that we’ll call for today Nick. As we discussed some stuff, at one point he told me that a guy who was a mutual friend of ours was insulted by someone. As soon as I heard about it, I immediately called the insulter “a dirty faggot.”

Jeff,” said Nick, “I don’t like you using that word.”

I was puzzled by this, and after a moment thinking about this, I wondered if Nick was a guy that had sexual interests in guys. I doubted it because we had gone on some dates together and it seemed to me that he was mighty attractive to the young lady he was with. But I said, “Nick, you like guys in a sexual way?”

“That’s not it,” he replied. “It’s just that there’s a guy I work with who is interested in guys that way, and he spoke to me about how he feels when he hears someone using words like faggot. You’re Jewish, Jeff. If the guys in the neighborhood started using an insulting word for Jewish people as an insult for everyone they got angry with, how would you feel about that?”

“Hmmm,” I said. And then, after giving this some thought, I replied, “I see what you mean. I’ll try to stop using those types of words. It’s an old habit, so if you catch me slipping up some time, feel free to call me on it.”

Now let’s flash forward about twenty years. I happened to be having dinner with my family and one of my two sons suddenly used the phrase, “That’s so gay,” to indicate that he didn’t like something I had done. And so I launched into the type of conversation my friend Nick had with me so many years ago.

So, from what I have written, I hope you can see that even if most of us are not gay, this issue of people being called gay as a way to insult others probably enters into most of our lives. We may have a friend or family member that is gay. We might be using the terms that refer to gay people in very insulting ways. We may overhear others using these types of words as put downs, and then we are faced with whether or not to speak up and defend fellow human beings.

What do I Counsel Young People to do in These Types of Situations?

Obviously any suggestions I make here can’t be perfect for every conceivable situation. But let me try to present something that some might find helpful.

If you hear someone using terms for gay people in an insulting manner, consider having a similar conversation that Nick had with me. Perhaps it might motivate you to do so if you keep in mind that someday you might find out that your own child might turn out to be gay, and if you had remained silent all those years before you became aware of this, how would you end up feeling?

If someone does call you gay and you are, this is indeed a tricky situation. If you admit that you are, you risk losing friends, and it could lead to some more mean hearted attacks either verbally, or physically. You will have to consider carefully whether you want to take on this type of challenging situation.

For those of you who decide to come out and openly reveal that you are gay, I suggest trying out the following types of replies, well rehearsed beforehand, that you might use when someone tries to insult you by calling you gay.

Fred: “You gay guys are disgusting.”

Hank: Looking squarely into Fred’s eyes, “You don’t like anyone who is gay, Fred?”

Fred: “No. They’re disgusting pigs.”

Hank: “Well, Fred, I met some gay guys who weren’t too cool, but I met some that were pretty decent guys.”

Fred: “They’re all disgusting pigs!”

Hank: “I’m sorry you feel that way, Fred.”

Throughout this conversation, Hank would remain friendly and self assured.

Before giving this a try, I suggest giving the following some pretty careful thought–Just because someone is throwing an insult at you doesn’t mean you have to choose to feel insulted. You could, instead, feel sorry that person hasn’t learned yet that there are a great number of gay folks who have something enormous to offer this fascinating world of ours.

If some of you out there have some suggestions for a helpful approach, please join the discussion. I would love to hear from you.

Well, although there is so much more to be said about this topic, that’s all the time I have for today. Here’s hoping you join us again right here at From Insults To Respect.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags dealing with gay insults, gay insults, name calling

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Bob Dylan On Fools

Bob Dylan begins his Theme Time Radio Hour show about fools, with a beautiful instrumental version of “Why Do Fools Fall In Love.” After a few bars of this tune, it continues in the background as Bob begins to speak:

James Thurber

James Thurber once said, “You can fool too many of the people too much of the time,” and for the next hour we’re going to try to do just that. Welcome back to Theme Time Radio Hour. Today we’re going to talk about patsies, stooges, marks, jesters, jokers, buffoons, clowns, tricksters, harlequins, and the village idiots, because in honor of April first, it’s our fools’ program. Everybody plays the fool sometimes, and for the next hour we’re going to play the greatest records about our favorite halfwits, the fools.

Recently, I provided a post on this blog titled, “Bob Dylan on Madness,” as an entertaining way to practice some of the basic principles I regularly discuss. That post was so popular that I thought, Why not do a similar post utilizing Bob’s show on fools? After all, in addition to people at times seeking to insult themselves and others by saying such things as “You’re mad” or “You’re crazy,” they do likewise by saying such things as “You’re a fool” or “You’re a buffoon.” Are there more respectful, helpful ways to deal with situations that give rise to such name calling? I think so. Let’s see if we can have some fun thinking about this issue as we review Bob’s show on fools.

Chain of Fools

After Bob’s brief introduction, he dives right into Aretha Franklin’s emotionally charged song, “Chain of Fools.”

For five long years
I thought you were my man
But I found out
I’m just a link in your chain

You got me where you want me
I ain’t nothin’ but your fool
Ya treated me mean
Oh you treated me cruel

Chain, chain, chain
(Chain, chain, chain)
Chain of fools

Every chain, has got a weak link
I might be weak yeah
But I’ll give you strength

Oh, hey
Chain, chain, chain
(Chain, chain, chain)
Chain of fools

Here we find a woman calling herself a fool because she sees herself attached to a man who treats her cruel. I wonder how I would react to a woman telling me a similar story. I guess I would not rush into giving her any advice, but rather, give her some time to be with her emotional experience while I listened in a caring, empathic manner.

As we discussed in an earlier post titled “To Listen, Or To Criticize,” we often jump too quickly into providing advice. If you would like your listening skills to be respected, it helps to summarize, every few minutes, what is being said in a caring manner, thus reassuring the person talking to you that you are indeed listening and accurately hearing what is going on.

After perhaps fifteen minutes or so of listening and summarizing, I would continue to listen, but I might begin to start asking, as gently as possible, a few clarifying questions. I often use the DIG Conflict Model to come up with my questions. The letters of the word “DIG” would remind me to ask about what she “desires” in this situation, what is “interfering” with her desire, and if she feels she is “guilty” of doing something wrong. I would gently encourage her to be as specific as she could be. A statement like, I’m guilty of being a fool” is way too vague to be helpful in coming up with any practical plan. “I’m guilty of not going out to social events on Friday evenings so I can find a loving relationship with a man who would treat me with respect,” fits better with my image of being specific.

Aretha Franklin’s song continues with these words:

One of these mornings
The chain is gonna break
But up until the day
I’m gonna take all I can take, oh hey

Chain, chain, chain
(Chain, chain, chain)
Chain of fools

We see a glimmer of hope in these words. That weak link in the chain is not completely unbreakable. I think that at some point in my relationship with a woman dealing with this type of concern, I might ask what she thinks she might do if the chain would indeed break. My overall goal at this point in the relationship would be to focus not so much on what is wrong with what is happening in her life, but what she could specifically do to improve her situation.

Further On In the Show

A little later in Bob’s show, he introduces another song:

Hank Snow

Everyone plays the fool sometime. Hank Snow knew that. We talk about Hank an awful lot [on my show], and he was one of the biggest voices in country music from 1951 and 1955. He had a remarkable number of top ten hits. This is from the tail end of that streak, in 1955–“Now And Then There Is A Fool Such As I.”

Here are some of the lyrics:

Pardon me, if I’m sentimental
When we say goodbye.
Don’t be angry with me should I cry.
When you’re gone, yet I’ll dream
A little dream as years go by.

Now and then there’s a fool such as I.

…

And now you say that we are through.
I’m a fool, but I’ll love you dear
Until the day I die.
Now and then there’s a fool such as I.

Like the Aretha Franklin song, this Hank Snow song is about someone in love who is feeling like a fool. As it turns out, almost all of the songs Bob plays over the course of his hour show is about love and someone feeling like a fool. But they differ nevertheless. In the first two songs we find out about two people who are calling themselves fools, but the first one is about a woman who feels she’s a fool for staying connected with a man even though he treats her bad. The second song is about a man who feels foolish for continuing to love a woman even after she said they are through.

In other songs that Dylan plays during his show, a singer is trying to convince her parents that she’s no fool for loving a man that they think is less than ideal. Then there’s one about a man who is trying to convince a woman that she’s a fool for not loving him despite all that he has to offer.

One of the highlights of Bob’s show is a little audio clip of Humphrey Bogart, as Sam Spade, confronting Mary Astor as the femme fatale, Brigid, in the classic film noir, The Maltese Falcon.

Brigid, desperately: You’ve been playing with me, just pretending to trap me like this. You didn’t care at all. You don’t love me.

Spade: I won’t play the sap for you.

Brigid: You know it’s not like that! You can’t say that!

Spade: You haven’t played straight with me for half hour at a stretch since I’ve known you.

Brigid: You know down deep in your heart that in spite of everything I’ve done, I love you.

Spade: I don’t care who loves who, I won’t play the sap for you. You killed Miles and you’re going over for it.

As you can see, even when used in the context of love difficulties, the word, “fool,” or its related terms, are used to refer to quite a variety of different circumstances.

As we leave the love arena, we see that the term is used in even a wider set of circumstances. Thus, Bob tells us about the enormously talented singer, Frankie Lymon, who died way too early with a heroin syringe by his side. As another example, he tells us about a couple of football games:

Every field has its fools, and the biggest mistakes are made on the football field. For example, Roy Unsway Regales played for the University of California, and in the 1929 Rose Bowl Game, he got turned around and ran 65 yards in the wrong direction.

Jim, upon realizing his mistake.

That’s nothing compared to Jim Marshal who played for the Minnesota Vikings. On October 25, 1964 the Vikings were playing against the San Francisco 49ers. Marshal recovered a fumble and ran 66 yards in the wrong direction into his own end zone. He was so excited he threw down the ball in celebration. The ball landed out of bounds, resulting in a safety for the 49ers. Fortunately for him, the Vikings won the game anyway, 27 to 22, and I was there that day. Strange but true.

We All Sometimes Play the Fool

Throughout the show, Bob reminds us repeatedly that everyone plays the fool sometime. He does it in a variety of ways. Thus, before playing the song, “Three Times a Fool,” Bob tells us “It wouldn’t be bad if you were just a fool once a year, but all of us are fools on more than one occasion.”

A little later, he says:

We’re talking about fools of all stripes here on Theme Time Radio Hour. As Jean Brown once said, “Foolproof systems don’t take into account the ingenuity of fools.”

And still a little later, Bob gives us some quotes from Shakespeare and Twain on the subject of fools.

Shakespeare looking a little foolish in his outfit.

Shakespeare spoke quite often about fools. For example, in A Midsummers Night Dream he said, Lord, what fools these mortals be? Twelfth Night gave us the following line, Foolery, Sir, does walk about the orb like the sun. It shines everywhere. And From As You Like it, The more pity that fools may not speak wisely what wise men do foolishly.

Shakespeare, hell of a cat.

…

As Mark Twain says,”The first of April is the day we remember who we are the other 364 days of the year.

And so when people call us a fool, perhaps we may find that the sting of the comment is lessened if we keep in mind that no doubt these name callers have had their share of playing the fool on plenty of occasions. And when, out of old habits, we find ourselves calling either ourselves, or someone else a fool, perhaps a little sympathy with the human condition is in order.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags conflict management, criticism, fools, insults, name calling, negative criticism, respect, types of criticism

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Bob Dylan on Madness

As some of you may know, Bob Dylan has a show called “Theme Time Radio Hour.” As the title suggests, each episode is centered on a theme. He begins his episode on madness as follows:

“Let me ask you a few questions, friends. Are you disinterested in work or family life? Do you suffer from sleep disruption? Have you had significant changes in appetite? Have you had paranoid thoughts? Thoughts of grandeur or invincibility? Any feelings of persistent anxiety or perhaps panic attacks? Are you hearing voices or seeing people who are not there? Do you have thoughts of dying? Do you exhibit strong or violent anger? Do you have the inability to pursue a normal life, normal activities or normal relationships? Well, I’m no doctor, but perhaps you’re mad as a hatter; crazy as a loon. Have you lost your morals? Are your bats in the belfry? Maybe you’re nutty as a fruitcake? Crazy as a coot? Taxed in the head? Bunkers? Bananas? Deranged? Are you crackers or daffy? Unhinged or loco? Not all there or all around the bend? Maybe you’re cuckoo or buggy or simply non compos mentis? Do you talk to yourself? Do you ever binge out on food? Do you swing suddenly from one mood to another? Do vague acquaintances treat you as though they know you far better than you would expect?

Allan Ginsberg

“Allan Ginsberg once said that he had seen the best minds of his generation destroyed by madness. Now for the next hour we’ll be providing the sound track. We’re going to look at madness, insanity, and craziness.”

Introducing his theme in this way may seem like quite a mouthful for Bob, but he manages to carry it off rather well. There is deep, dungeon-like music in the background, and he varies his voice in a manner that is full of concern and dramatic interest. Besides, if you think Bob’s description of his theme is lengthy, take a gander at the latest American Psychiatric Association’s description of a related topic. In its book titled Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition, over 900 pages are consumed describing various “mental disorders.”

The theme of “madness” is relevant to this blog’s theme because when people seek to insult others, we commonly hear words like, “You’re mad,” “You’re crazy,” “You have a mental disorder,” and “You’re mentally ill.” Negative consequences often flow from such name calling. Individuals flinging these efforts to insult often become less respected by those who are their targets. Those who are their targets sometimes end up having less respect for themselves. From here, conflicts can escalate, leading to losing friends, problems at work, and even violence.

Dylan’s First Madness Song

Bob introduces the first song for his show on madness as follows:

“If craziness was a country, this would be the national anthem. Here’s Patsy Cline in a little number written by Willie Nelson–“Crazy.”

Patsy’s beautiful voice, accompanied by gentle piano riffs, drifts into its melancholy words–“I’m crazy, I’m crazy, for being so lonely. I’m crazy, I’m crazy for being so blue.”

The song goes on from here to weave the sad story of a woman calling herself crazy for loving a man whom she knows will soon be leaving her. She feels she’s crazy for worrying when he’ll leave, and crazy for trying, and crazy for crying, and crazy for loving this man.

Here we learn of just one type of experience that falls under the enormous umbrella of madness.

Connecting Madness With Genius

As the song phases out, Bob begins to tell us that according to Aristotle, “No excellent mind is without a tincture of madness,” a position with which Bob heartily agrees. He declares that “There is a thin line between genius and madness.” Defending this, he introduces us to several individuals who had been declared mad by some, and yet achieved at impressive levels in many valued fields. Thus, he tells us about the brilliant writer, Ernest Hemingway:

Earnest Hemingway

“Ernest Hemingway, for example, was convinced that people were out to assassinate him. His wife, Mary, tricked him into a mental hospital by telling him it was to treat his high blood pressure. He got shock therapy and maybe a dozen other treatments. It didn’t help. It left him more paranoid, delusional and depressed. He was afraid that his wife would put him away again, which many people believe is what led him to take his own life with a shotgun in July of ’61.”

Bob then tells us about the great jazz musician, Charlie Mingus:

Charlie Mingus

“Charlie Mingus spent some time away, although he later claimed he only had gone in to get papers declaring he was incompetent to get out of a contract with the gangster, Joey Gallo. Whatever the reason, he spent some time in Bellevue and was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic.”

After this, Bob tells us the story of two more jazz greats–Bud Powell and Charlie Parker. Both at times were troubled by demons.

Then there was a comic writer:

One man that was no stranger to madness was Bill Gates. He was the editor of E. C. Comics. He had a series of horror comics in the ’50s, but then he was targeted by the government who said that his comics were ruining the morals of America’s young people. He was supposed to water down all of his books. He had one humor comic he called “Mad.” He changed it to a magazine so it wouldn’t be subjected to the comics’ code of authority. It became a huge hit and generations of kids got their first lessons on comedy from the usual gang of idiots that he assembled. He never sold advertising in the magazine while he was alive and there were no sacred cows. Bill Gates, madman of free speech.”

Bob soon moves on to the story of a hell of a fine baseball player:

“One guy that was accused of cracking up was Jimmy Piersall. He became a professional baseball player at 18, signing with the Boston Red Sox in ’48. On May 24, 1952, just before the game against the New York Yankees, he got into a fist fight with Yankee infielder, Billy Martin. After that, he scuffled with his teammate, Mickey McDermott. The final straw came when Jimmy Piersall spanked the four-year old son of his teammate, Burnt Stevens during a game in the Red Sox clubhouse. The four-year old had tried to tweek his nose and poured lemonade down his shirt. You can see Jimmy’s position–Boy, you need a spanking. There were a number of incidences like this and he was sent down to the minor leagues. He got into a lot of trouble down in the minor leagues, and spent some time in the West Borough State Hospital. He was diagnosed with manic depression, but he still returned to baseball by the opening of the ’53 season. And get this, he finished ninth in the voting for the MVP award, and the next year he was the Sox’s regular center fielder.”

Feeling That We Are Crazy Is A Common Experience

In addition to describing these individuals who were thought to be mad by some and yet achieved greatness in various valued arenas, Bob provides diverse examples of regular Joes and Jills who displayed behaviors that were viewed as crazy by either themselves or others. These examples touch a chord in the listener because they illustrate experiences that are pretty close to what we have all experienced at different points in our lives.

Thus, the show’s take away lesson, as I see it, is that if you catch yourself calling yourself names such as “crazy” note that many of the most talented people have had similar experiences. Note, as well, that such criticism is too vague to be helpful. Learn to become more aware of these thoughts, to stand back and simply observe them passing through your mind–“Oh, there I go again calling myself mad.’ In time, you will come to a point at which you will formulate some more specific approach to make improvements in your life. The practice of meditation can help you to learn this skill.

If you are tempted to call someone else these types of names, remember that such names are way too vague, encompassing thousands of unusual and usual experiences. For criticism to be truly helpful, it is usually best to craft a statement that avoids name calling and statements about what someone did wrong, and instead provides specific suggestions for what the target of the criticism can do to improve. If you can not come up with such a statement right away, perhaps it would be best to delay the criticism until you have some time for your creative impulses to come up with something better than “You’re a crazy, mentally ill fool!”

Although these are my take away lessons for today’s post, let’s end with how the more poetic Bob Dylan ends his madness show:

“Time flies when you’re talking crazy, and we gotta get out of here. But before we do I want to leave you with the words of the man who is the voice of the barroom, poet of the gutter, and Shakespeare of the alleyway. Here’s a poem by Charles Bukowski called “Some People.”

some people never go crazy.
me, sometimes I’ll lie down behind the couch
for 3 or 4 days.
they’ll find me there.
it’s Cherub, they’ll say, and
they pour wine down my throat
rub my chest
sprinkle me with oils.
then, I’ll rise with a roar,
rant, rage –
curse them and the universe
as I send them scattering over the
lawn.
I’ll feel much better,
sit down to toast and eggs,
hum a little tune,
suddenly become as lovable as a
pink
overfed whale.
some people never go crazy.
what truly horrible lives
they must lead.”

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags Bob Dylan, conflict management, conflict resolution, criticism, insults, intrapersonal conflicts, madness, mental disorders, name calling, respect

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From Psychiatric Name Calling to Plain, Humane English

Post author By Dr. Jeffrey Rubin
Post date March 14, 2015
4 Comments on From Psychiatric Name Calling to Plain, Humane English

Many mental health service providers well know that there are serious problems with the jargon that is used in their profession. In a recent post titled “Psychiatric Name Calling: Is It Time To Put A Stop To It?” I outline some of the most glaring ones. In a subsequent post titled “Psychiatric Name Calling: Is There An Alternative?” I describe a plan for professionals who have an interest in eliminating the problems inherent in the current psychiatric pathologizing approach. This plan would allow professionals to replace the old model with one that would be practical, more consistent with principles of science, and far less stigmatizing.

As I have been seeking ways to promote these ideas, it has become more and more apparent that the gears of the mental health service provider professional organizations grind slowly. Until the necessary changes occur, what can the average English speaking person do when faced with terms like mental illness, major depressive disorder, psychosis, schizophrenia, etc.?

Three Principles That Can Be Used When Psychiatric Pathology Terms Are Employed by Others So That The Negative Effects Associated With Their Usage Can Be Reduced

Even people who are not mental health service providers will regularly use psychiatric jargon. Thus, a French writer once wrote:

My sadness was without limit, and having got possession of me, it filled my life from the most indifferent external acts to the most secret thoughts, and corrupted at their source my feelings, my judgment, and my happiness. It was then that I saw that to expect to put a stop to this disorder by my reason and by my will, which were themselves diseased, would be to act like a blind man who should pretend to correct one of his eyes by the aid of the other equally blind one.

In this quote, the French writer, to describe some concerns he had about his sad mood and how it was affecting his feelings, judgments, and happiness, uses the words “disorder” and “disease.” This is the type of language most mental health service providers throw around. What is the writer attempting to convey by their use?

Sometimes when these words will be employed, their context will make it clear what meaning the author intends. In this example, the author does provide some context. He clearly indicates he was much sadder than he wished to be, and he believed he was unable to do anything about it. He also expressed a concern about his feelings, judgments, and happiness, but he was less clear about what he meant by this.

When someone begins to use pathologizing language and we simply don’t know what is intended, we might end up with misleading, simplistic associations. And so, here are three principles that can be used when psychiatric pathology terms are employed so that we can avoid unnecessary confusion.

Each Time Someone Uses A Psychopathologizing Term, Ask The User Of The Term For A More Specific Description Of What Is Meant By It

In the example that I provided above, there was some lack of clarity about what the French writer meant about his judgments. We know that he felt that it was disordered and diseased. That really tells us nothing more than he was dissatisfied with his judgments. To clarify, we could ask for some specific examples of when his judgment proved to him unsatisfactory.

As another example, suppose you hear Alice saying that John Doe is “mentally ill.” If you want to use this first principle, you would ask Alice what, specifically, does “mentally ill” mean to her and what has John done specifically that led to her calling John this name. These questions typically lead to further constructive discussions and ends up clarifying the nature of many fascinating experiences.

When Psychopathologizing Terms Are Employed, Express A Concern That This Terminology Simplistically Devalues An Experience

Terms like “mental disorders,” “mental illness” and “psychosis,” even when used by professionals, implies that there is something wrong with the person being described. However, as I described in my post “Are Mental Illnesses Really Potentially Helpful Tools?” there are numerous examples of the types of experiences that tend to be labelled mental disorders that end up being enormously helpful. Moreover, in cultures that recognize this possibility the outcomes for those people undergoing these challenging experiences are distinctly better.

And so, as you begin to use the first principle, asking for the user of pathologizing terminology for more specifics, if he or she seems to be suggesting that the experience is bad, you might wish to point out this well documented observation. At such times, I often say, “Many people with artistic temperaments have these types of experiences. Such people have given the world some of its most valued achievements.”

Instead Of Using The Concept of “Disease” And “Illness” To Encourage Humane Responding Toward Individuals Undergoing Challenging Experiences, Emphasize Rights, Kindness, And Practical Reasons

In seeking to encourage people who are using pathologizing terminology to be more specific, it is not uncommon to find that one reason they use these terms is that they hope it will encourage people to be more humane toward those who have certain challenging experiences. They usually mean well by this, but this approach has been used for centuries and history documents that despite such efforts, people who are being given these labels have often ended up in some of the most horrible, degrading treatment facilities.

Instead of using the concept of “disease” to encourage humane responding toward individuals undergoing the experiences that get labelled with pathological terms, an alternative is to emphasize human rights, kindness, and practical reasons.

Note that when people in a town are hit with a hurricane, we don’t have to resort to calling them ill to encourage some help. Instead, we have set up laws that entitle people to certain rights from the government when emergencies occur. Moreover, as word gets out about what is occurring to those who are suffering, out of kindness, people make donations or join their hands to provide direct assistance in a variety of ways. And lest we forget, there are practical reasons to lend a hand. By doing so, we model for people just what kindness is all about.

Any of us can find ourselves in an emergency situation. The more we promote acts of kindness, the more likely we may find that others will treat us with kindness if we are ever to find ourselves in a very unfortunate set of circumstances.

Using the Three Principles

William James, in his grand book, The Varieties of Religious Experience, tells us of some people who have mystical experiences that tend to be called “mental disorders.” James begins to use the three principles when he seeks out descriptions of the various mystical experiences that go well beyond the simplistic psychopathological descriptions. He then states that these mystical states have the right to be absolutely authoritative over the individuals to whom they come.

It is vain for rationalism to grumble about this. If the mystical truth that comes to a man proves to be a force that he can live by, what mandate have we of the majority to order him to live in another way? We can throw him into a prison or a madhouse, but we cannot change his mind-we commonly attach it only the more stubbornly to its beliefs.

It mocks our utmost efforts, as a matter of fact, and in point of logic it absolutely escapes our jurisdiction. Our own more “rational” beliefs are based on evidence exactly similar in nature to that which mystics quote for theirs. Our senses, namely, have assured us of certain states of fact; but mystical experiences are as direct perceptions of fact for those who have them as any sensations ever were for us…. The mystic is, in short, invulnerable, and must be left, whether we relish it or not, in undisturbed enjoyment of his creed.

In this quote, we find no plea from James that we should treat mystics humanely because they have a mental disease. Instead, James puts forth “rights” and “pragmatic” considerations. He argues that just like we in the majority would not like to be ordered to live in a particular way, these mystics have the right to live their way. And pragmatically, if we do use heavy-handed approaches to try to change them, such as throwing them in a madhouse, they will become more stubborn in their beliefs.

James proceeds from here to state that mystics have no right to claim that “we ought to accept the deliverance of their peculiar experiences, if we are ourselves outsiders, and feel no private call thereto.” His theme is tolerance for both the majority toward the minority and vice versa.

Returning to pragmatic arguments, James tells us in his chapter on mysticism that some have found that their mystical experiences have led to wonderful fruits that they highly valued. Some, for example, suffered for a great period of time and after their mystical experience felt wondrously free from their pain and found in its place increased energy and happiness.

James well realizes that the fruits from mystical experiences are not always positive, but he asks us, at the very least, to realize that they have the potential to “be indispensable stages in our approach to the final fullness of the truth.” Thus, we see that “rights” and “pragmatic arguments” can be used instead of a disease concept to promote humane, kind responses toward those who have the types of experiences that tend to be called mental disorders.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags insults, mental disorders, mental health concerns, mental illness, name calling, William James

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William James’s Personal Bout with a “Mental Disorder”

Post author By Dr. Jeffrey Rubin
Post date March 8, 2015
5 Comments on William James’s Personal Bout with a “Mental Disorder”

William James, psychologist and philosopher, passed away over a century ago. Nevertheless, his remarkable body of work remains as fresh as fruit plucked from its tree but moments ago.

His views about his personal bout with a challenging experience developed over many years. Today I think it will be instructive if we spent a little time reviewing what he learned.

A Glimpse at James’s Early Views on Mental Disorders

We begin in April of 1867. James is 25-years old. Suddenly, he interrupts his medical education and flees to Europe.

Later, on describing the feelings that led to his departure, James wrote “it was as if something hitherto solid within my breast gave way entirely, and I became a mass of quivering fear. . . . I awoke morning after morning with a horrible dread in the pit of my stomach.”

William and Henry James's Father, with Young Henry on the right — William and Henry James’s Father, with Young Henry on the right

Several years went by and then, gradually, James’s spirits lifted. His father, noticing the difference in him, asked about it, and then relayed the news by letter to another son, Henry, in March, 1873:

He came in here the other afternoon when I was sitting alone, and after walking the floor in an animated way for a moment, exclaimed “Dear me! What a difference there is between me now and me last spring this time: then so hypochondriacal” (he used that word, though perhaps in substantive form) “and now feeling my mind so cleared up and restored to sanity. It is the difference between life and death.” He had a great effusion. I was afraid of interfering with it, or possibly checking it, but I ventured to ask what especially in his opinion had promoted the change. He said several things: the reading of Renouvier (specially his vindication of the freedom of the will) and Wordsworth, whom he has been feeding on now for a good while; but especially his having given up the notion that all mental disorder is required to have a physical basis. This had become perfectly untrue to him. He saw that the mind did act irrespectively of material coercion, and could be dealt with therefore at first-hand, and this was health to his bones.

We see in the above that at this time James viewed his experience that led to his departure from medical school as a “mental disorder.” Moreover, his conceptualization of it had begun to develop from a physiological pathology model to one that gives at least some freedom to the will. In time, his views begin to develop even further.

Letter to Henry James, 1885

The two brothers. Henry is on the left and Professor William James is on the right

William James and his younger brother, Henry, shared an especially close fraternal bond. Historians have greatly benefited from this because the letters that the two brilliant men shared reveal insights about their deepest concerns.

In 1885, now a medical school graduate and teacher at Harvard, James writes to Henry:

To suggest personal will and effort to one “all sicklied o’er” with the sense of weakness, of helpless failure, and of fear, is to suggest the most horrible of things to him. What he craves is to be consoled in his very impotence, to feel the Powers of the Universe recognize and secure him, all passive and failing as he is.

In James’s letter to his brother, we see he has discovered that in marked contrast to his own favorable reaction to suggestions about the effectiveness of will and effort, some people react with horror. Such people view themselves as helpless, weak, passive, and failing. Rather than looking to a creative force within themselves, they look for the Powers of the Universe to fix them.

The Mature James

Toward the end of James’s career, he adds a new way of viewing the types of concerns that affected him so profoundly when he was young. We begin to see this new way when James discusses individuals who view themselves as “healthy-minded.” These individuals believe that those who worry are “morbid-minded” and “diseased.”

James responds to this name calling by stating that those referred to as morbid-minded have argued that “the world’s meaning most comes home to us when we lay them most to heart.”

After describing the argument between the so-called “healthy-minded” and the “morbid-minded,” James then states:

In our attitude, not yet abandoned, of impartial onlookers, what are we to say of this quarrel? It seems to me that we are bound to say that morbid-mindedness ranges over the wider scale of experience, and that its survey is the one that overlaps. The method of averting one’s attention from evil, and living in the light of good is splendid as long as it will work. It will work with many persons; it will work far more generally than most of us are ready to suppose; and within the sphere of its successful operation there is nothing to be said against it as a religious solution. But it breaks down importantly as soon as melancholy comes; and even though one be quite free from melancholy one’s self, there is no doubt that healthy-mindedness is inadequate as a philosophical doctrine, because the evil facts which it refuses positively to account for are a genuine portion of reality; and may after all be the best key to life’s significance, and possibly the only openers of our eyes to the deepest levels of truth.

To James, people confront events daily that create feelings of helplessness, pain, sadness, horror, and dread. James argued that the feelings that go along with these kinds of events can lead toward truth. Thus, he counteracts any tendency to assume that those referred to as morbid-minded are automatically inferior to those referred to as “mentally healthy.”

The Development of James’s Views About Mental Health Concerns

And so, starting from James’s own bout with a challenging experience, we see that his views develop over the years. Initially, mental health concerns are “mental disorders” which require a physical basis. He then changes his mind, coming to believe these experiences are not completely controlled by one’s physiology, and therefore they could be dealt with through philosophical and poetic means.

It then occurs to him that in contrast to the benefits that his new perspective had for him, others prefer, even crave, to believe they are helpless in the face of these types of experiences. Finally, James comes to believe that some people can derive benefits from the kinds of challenging experiences that, to many, are properly viewed as symptoms of a diseased mind.

Like James, I have undergone a similar developmental trajectory. As I have dealt with my own challenging experiences, I have, over a good many years, learned to greet them as old friends who have valuable messages to share with me. Sometimes they stay a little longer than I would like, and I may find it frustrating that they don’t always come right out and tell me what these messages are. But my patience, through meditation and the maturity that sometimes comes in the course of passing years, has been steadily improving.

Well, I hope this discussion has deepened the reader’s views of the nature of experiences that lead to people expressing concerns to mental health professionals. Until next time, may all of your concerns be addressed with wisdom, love, and kindness.

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Tags challenge, Henry James, mental disorders, mental health, name calling, William James, wisdom

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Psychiatric Name Calling: Is There An Alternative?

Post author By Dr. Jeffrey Rubin
Post date February 24, 2015
5 Comments on Psychiatric Name Calling: Is There An Alternative?

The publishers of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) currently hold a monopoly for classifying the concerns that lead people to seek mental health services. Recently on this blog, in a series of articles, I have been pointing out numerous faults of the DSM. To check out some examples of these, see my posts titled Name Calling by Psychiatrists: Is it Time to Put a Stop to it? and Are “Mental Illnesses” Really Potentially Helpful Tools?

In these critical posts, I have touched upon what I believe would be a distinctly better alternative to the DSM and argued that its creation, in breaking up this monopoly, would stimulate through creative competition, improved mental health services. Today, let’s take a closer look at this.

The Classification and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Concerns (CSM)

I called this proposed alternative manual, the CSM, and you can find a much fuller description of it in a peer reviewed journal HERE. In brief, its first chapter would begin by stating that the developed of the CSM fully recognize that individuality outruns any classification system. It is for this reason that the CSM does not seek to classify anyone. Instead, it classifies the expressed concerns of individuals seeking to have their concerns addressed by a mental health service provider.

The CSM begins from the perspective of the person seeking services. Because the expression of a mental health concern is a clearly observable event, by making it the event being classified in the CSM it solves the reliability problems that have been plaguing the DSM’s far more abstract concept of “mental disorders.”

After this statement, the CSM would clearly define its main construct:

A mental health concern occurs when a person seeking mental health services expresses to a mental health service provider a concern about any of these topics: behavior, emotion, mood, meaning of life, managing chronic pain, work, relationships, education, eating, cognition, sleep and challenging life situations.

Each of these topics would have separate major sections in the second chapter, and under each section would be a list of more specific concerns.

This second chapter would be devoted to listing all of the concerns that professionals tend to hear from those seeking their services. Each concern would be given a code that would be used for various administrative purposes such as insurance forms and computer filing systems. And then there would be, for each concern, a list of related search terms that can be used to assist people who want to utilize a search engine to find all the relevant literature regarding that particular concern.

The list of concerns would be identified by two types of surveys. First, a large sample of mental health service providers would be asked to list the various concerns that they are asked to address in their practice without couching them in pathological language and to stick as closely as possible to the language used by those seeking their services. So, a concern about feeling blue might simply be classified “feeling blue,” rather than the DSM’s “Major Depressive Disorder;” a concern about a child’s above average activity level might simply be classified as “above average activity level” rather than the DSM’s “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” The second type of survey that would be used to generate the list of concerns that would appear in the CSM, would ask the membership of mental health service user organizations to list the various concerns that led them to seek mental health services. They, too, would be asked to avoid pathological terminology. For a number of practical reasons, a maximum of four words would be used for classifying each expressed concern in this chapter.

The final chapter of the CSM would be devoted to describing good practice guidelines for the use of psychological formulation, which is an assessment approach that is consistent with the CSM’s philosophy of not pathologizing individuals. Psychological formulation provides an approach that expands on the brief expressed concerns of individuals by developing a narrative of several paragraphs. It can be defined as the process involving a mental health service user and a mental health service provider co-constructing a hypothesis or ‘best guess’ about the origins of the mental health service user’s concerns in the context of his or her relationships, social circumstances, life events, and the sense that he or she has made of them. Once it has been established what the concerns are, the immediate next question is, ‘How do we jointly understand these experiences, why they arose, and how we might be able to address them?’

Unlike diagnosis, this type of psychological formulation is not about making an expert judgement, but about working closely with the individual to develop a shared understanding which will evolve over time. And, unlike diagnosis, it draws attention to the service user’s resources and strengths in surviving what are nearly always very challenging life situations.

Defending the CSM Approach

Now, some believe that the psychological formulation is all that is needed as an alternative to the DSM and that there is no need to join it with any classification manual such as the CSM. But keep in mind that currently the DSM is used by insurance companies and other third party payers such as Medicaid, Medicare, and Social Security. Insurance companies and these other third party payers have a form that must be filled out whenever someone seeks mental health services under their plan. This form has a little box that currently says, “Diagnosis.” In that box, mental health professionals must fill in the DSM code that corresponds to their so-called diagnosis of the person seeking services.

With the CSM proposal, all that we would be asking insurance companies to do differently in order to add value for their customers, is to slightly change that little box. Instead of just saying “Diagnosis” as it currently says, that box would add two little words, so it would end up saying “Diagnosis or Concern.” Then, when mental health professionals fill in the box, they would be given the choice to either write in the letters “DSM” and its code number that corresponds to its so-called diagnosis, or they would write the letters CSM and its code number that corresponds to the expressed concern. Mental health consumers would be given the choice to go to pathologizing mental health service providers or those using the CSM approach.

That’s all the change that would be required in order to increase value for insurance customers as well as other third party payers. And a major goal that all third party payers have is to increase value for their customers. The cost and effort for these payers would be minimum and we would have numerous testimonials from customers that documents that this change would be viewed as a significant improvement.

A psychological formulation approach, which requires several paragraphs to be completed, would be far too cumbersome for these payers to incorporate into their bureaucratic system. Moreover, a short word or phrase that could replace terms like “Major Depressive Disorder” or “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” is necessary for other practical forms of communication. For example, if I want to write a title for a research article, it would not be practical to insert into it several paragraphs. The psychological formulation approach would become far more widely used if it has some practical way of providing some short terms that are consistent with its non-pathologizing approach to conceptualizing an individual’s mental health concerns.

Some may argue that if everyone could go to a mental health professional merely to have their concerns addressed, then the system would soon be overloaded with clients and insurance policy costs would soar. Since insurance companies only cover people with more serious conditions known as “mental disorders,” so the argument goes, this limits the amount of people who can get to see a mental health professional.

Insurance and other third party payer executives are not stupid. They would readily understand, with a little explaining, that mental health service providers now using the current DSM do not turn anyone with a mental health insurance policy away who comes to their office expressing what I refer to as a mental health concern. Professionals are in the business of increasing their clients. Let’s be honest here; there are “close enough” matches throughout the DSM for anyone with mental health insurance coverage who currently wants mental health services to get it.

Here’s another reason why the CSM would improve the psychological formulation approach. In pretty much any of the advanced countries in the world, there is a rather large segment of the population that believes science has been an enormous help advancing our knowledge. The CSM, as already mentioned, is even more consistent with principles of science than the DSM because it solves the problem of reliability that has been a mess with the DSM. And for science minded people, each branch of science must have a system of classification that helps to organize concepts, to retrieve relevant research, and to be useful in formulating programs of research. In my view, the pairing of psychological formulation with the CSM’s list of brief descriptors of mental health concerns will fit well with this worldview.

And so, these are some of my arguments for uniting in the CSM proposal a classification system and the psychological formulation proposal. Together, both can clearly improve value for consumers of mental health services by providing a new choice, but only if consumers of mental health services role up their sleeves, organize, and effectively advocate for this type of change.

In summary then, the CSM is more consistent with principles of science. It is close enough to the worldview and administrative requirements of all of the stakeholders in the mental health field, thus reducing resistance that often comes with proposed changes. And the creation of the CSM would break up the DSM monopoly, thereby spurring creative approaches for understanding the nature of anguish, sadness and tears.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags CSM, DSM, mental disorders, mental health, mental health concerns, mental health service, mental health services, mental illness, name calling, negative criticism, psychiatry, The Classification and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Concerns

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Are “Mental Illnesses” Really Potentially Helpful Tools?

Post author By Dr. Jeffrey Rubin
Post date February 17, 2015
6 Comments on Are “Mental Illnesses” Really Potentially Helpful Tools?

If your behavior, thoughts, or feelings become a concern, for a fee, many psychiatrists, psychologists, and social workers are eager to translate your experiences into a language of symptoms, diagnoses, psychopathology, and mental illness. In an earlier post I provided negative criticism about this type of name-calling (see here). Today, we focus in on an additional problem with the pathologizing approach.

Psychiatric Name-Calling Simplistically Devalues What William James Referred to as “Exceptional Experiences”

Tools can be used for good or evil. A hammer can be used to drive in nails in the construction of a life-preserving shelter or to bludgeon an innocent person to death. A car can be used to rush a child to an emergency room so that life-preserving treatment can be administered, or it can be used to tragically end a prom night. Are experiences that are oftentimes referred to as pathological really tools, and is it up to each one of us to use them either for good or evil?

The first time I came across this question occurred while reading about William James’s 1896 series of lectures on “Exceptional Mental States.” Harvard psychologist, Eugene Taylor, had reconstructed these lectures from James’s original handwritten lecture notes, newspaper reports, letters, and a variety of other sources.

At the very beginning of the lectures, James argues that experiences that are commonly viewed as unhealthy or morbid are really “an essential part of every character,” and give life “a truer sense of values.” To support his contention, James first provides three examples of famous individuals who suffered from melancholy, a term that corresponds closely with what modern pathologizers call “major depressive disorder.” St. Paul, the religious figure of the New Testament, Cesare Lombrosa, a late 19th-century Italian criminologist, and Immanual Kant, the 18th-century German philosopher, became, according to their histories, better as a result of their troubling experiences.

Not only is melancholy far more normal and potentially beneficial than the pathologizers would like us to believe, so too, James argues, are delusions and hallucinations. James tells us that the belief in the possession by demons, which is often viewed as a delusion by pathologizers, is remarkably common. “[It] is the one most articulately expressed doctrine of both Testaments, and . . . reined for seventeen hundred years, hardly challenged in churches.”

James then goes on to tell his audience about Buddhist sects in Japan that have priests who believe they can put themselves into a trance so that a god can speak through them. These people seek to cultivate these experiences, apparently believing that they provide some benefits to their sect.

Although hallucinations can be construed as a symptom of mental illness to some, James presents the case of Socrates who “once stood motionless for many hours in the cold and spoke of having a guiding demon.” Attempting to counter the association between pathologies and hallucinations, James states,

Even if this demon [of Socrates] were really meant hallucinations of hearing, we know now that one in eight or ten of the population has had such an experience and that for insanity we must resort to other tests than these.

Like melancholy, delusions, and hallucinations, the “symptoms” of obsessions and manias are treated in James’s lectures as experiences that are normal and potentially beneficial. Thus, James states that there is no end to the possible types of obsessions that we see all around us. And what about “the anti-slavery mania?” Is this to be viewed as pathological? What benefit can such experiences have? James tells his audience about Henry Borg, founder of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals; Charles Henry Parkhurst, a Presbyterian clergyman and reformer who launched a furious attack on organized crime in state government that led to an official investigation; Dorothea Dix, a mid-19th-century humanitarian who visited the insane asylums and successfully advocated for legislation to improve the care for those now labeled mentally ill; General Booth, founder of the Salvation Army; Frances Willard, a suffragette; and others. “These persons,” said James, “are not insane, not maniacs, not melancholics, not deluded.”

Later, he states, “Individuals are types of themselves and enslavement to conventional names and their associations is only too apt to blind the student to the facts before him.”

As Taylor (1984) closes his reconstruction of the lecture series, he quotes James as follows:

There is a strong tendency among these pathological writers I have cited… to represent the line of mental health as a very narrow crack, which one must tread with bated breath, between foul friends on the one side and gulfs of despair on the other. Now health is a term of subjective appreciation, not of objective description….There is no purely objective standard of sound health. Any peculiarity that is of use to a man is a point of soundness in him, and what makes a man sound for one function may make him unsound for another…. The trouble is that such writers . . . use the descriptive names of symptoms merely as an artifice for giving objective authority to their personal dislikes. The medical terms become mere appreciative clubs to knock a man down with. . . . The only sort of being, in fact, who can remain as the typical normal man, after all the individuals with degenerative symptoms have been rejected, must be a perfect nullity . . . Who shall absolutely say that the morbid has no revelations about the meaning of life? That the healthy minded view so-called is all?

The Review of the Evidence

It may seem a fanciful theory that the experiences now referred to as mental illnesses can be potentially helpful. However, in 2010, Robert Whitaker published a book titled Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness. To write the book, he pored through the scientific literature for the past 50 years and found a dramatic increase in the number of people who are pathologized, which led to an astonishing increase in psychiatric drug consumption. And more people then ever before became disabled for longer and longer periods of time.

Here is just one of many such studies that Whitaker describes.

In the 1980s, Martin Harrow, a psychologist at the University of Illinois, began a long-term study of 64 newly diagnosed schizophrenia patients. Every few years, he assessed how they were doing. Were they symptomatic? In recovery? Employed? Were they taking antipsychotic medications? The collective fate of the off-med and medicated patients began to diverge after two years, and by the end of 4.5 years, it was the off-medication group that was doing much better. Nearly 40% of the off-med group were “in recovery” and more than 60% were working, whereas only 6% of the medicated patients were “in recovery” and few were working. This divergence in outcomes remained throughout the next ten years, such that at the 15-year follow-up, 40% of those off drugs were in recovery, versus 5% of the medicated group.

Whitaker also found studies that compared cultures, like our own, that employed the pathologizing model with cultures that framed exceptional experiences as potentially beneficial. Countries infected with the pathologizing approach had outcomes significantly poorer.

These findings lead me to conclude that it is time to have a reasonable discussion about embracing other models of care.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Tags Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness, hallucinations, insults, Leo Tolstoy, melancholy, mental disorders, mental illness, name calling, pathologizing, psychiatric disorders, psychiatric drug treatment, Psychiatric Drugs, psychiatric medication treatment, Robert Whitaker, William James

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Einstein and Stupidity

“Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.”–Albert Einstein

In the spring of 1914, Albert Einstein left his home in Switzerland to take a job at the University of Berlin in Germany’s capital. He was then, 35.

He took the job with much misgivings. When he was a young boy living in Germany, Einstein had been deeply repelled by the authoritarians, militarism, and bigotry he found all around him. And as a young man, he was appalled by the prejudices, injustices and reactionary ideas found in the heart of many Germans in those days. Nevertheless, working in Berlin provided an opportunity to pursue his research without teaching and administrative obligations and to have ready access to many brilliant fellow scientists and mathematicians.

Einstein’s Name-Calling During World War I

Months after Einstein moved to Berlin, in August 1914, the first world war broke loose, creating wholesale death, misery, and hunger. And then, many people with whom he was working signed a manifesto denying that Germany had any responsibility for the war. Instead, the blame fell entirely on Germany’s enemies. The concluding paragraph states:

We cannot wrest from our enemies’ hand the venomous weapon of the lie [that Germany is responsible for the war]. We can only cry out to the whole world that they bear false witness against us. To you who know us, who have hitherto stood with us in safeguarding mankind’s most precious heritage–to you we cry out: Have faith in us when we say that we shall wage this fight to the very end as a civilized nation, a nation that holds the legacy of Goethe, Beethoven and Kant no less sacred than hearth and home.

This type of document along with all that was happening in the world was pretty rough on Einstein. In a letter to Paul Ehrenfest, a physicist and one of his closest friends, he wrote:

The international catastrophe has imposed a heavy burden upon me as an internationalist. In living through this “great epoch,” it is difficult to reconcile oneself to the fact that one belongs to that stupid, rotten species which boasts of its freedom of will. How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will! In such a place even I should be an ardent patriot. (From Einstein on Peace, p. 2)

We see in this quote that Einstein, in his anger, chose to refer to the human race as stupid. And yet, some of the people that were supporting the war were among the smartest people of their day, at least in terms of their academic accomplishments.

Of course, Einstein is not the only one to use the word stupid upon becoming angry:

Apparently, for Einstein, the word stupid was meant to mean something different than an inability to master challenging subject matter. What then did he mean?

Such terms are often used broadly, meaning the same thing as other words and phrases thrown at someone in anger, such as “crazy,” “mentally ill,” “jerk,” “piece of trash,” “rotten,” etc. When used like this, they all mean nothing more than the angry party strongly doesn’t like what the other party did. They serve as a type of exclamation point.

For Einstein, I think stupid might have had an added meaning; something like not being able to see something that seems so plainly reasonable to him. War is a terrible thing, Einstein believed, and the justification that Germany used to enter into it clashed with his sense of what was so plainly reasonable.

Einstein’s Approach to Providing Negative Criticism After World War I

Soon after the end of the first world war, Germany saw the rise of Hitler and Einstein fled to America, taking a position at Princeton University. As World War II got underway, Einstein did support military intervention. As he explained it when declining an invitation to prepare a presentation of the pacifist point of view,

I am not what you might call a religious pacifist. Besides, I consider it preferable for men to fight rather than allow themselves to be butchered without lifting a finger. That was just about the alternative in the case of Hitler’s Germany. (Einstein on Peace, p. 553)

But when America became involved in the Korean War, Einstein again experienced anger about a military intervention. Korea had not attacked any country, let alone the United States. Korea was engaged in an internal fight about what type of government it chose to have. US military intervention, Einstein believed, would serve to dramatically increase the loss of life. How did Einstein express his disagreement in his adopted country where most were fierce supporters of the war?

When writing to a trusted friend he would allow himself to let out his raw emotions about what was going on in the world. This occasionally included utilizing words like stupid, idiot, and rotten. But at least in the many public statements that I’ve read of his, it was extremely rare to see him utilizing anything that strikes me as name calling. Typical is a 1953 quote taken from Einstein’s review of a book on Gandhi. The author was Gene Sharp, a 25-year old graduate of Ohio State University who had just received a two-year sentence for defying the draft law during the Korean War. Einstein wrote:

How is it possible that a young man was able to create such a mature piece of work? The author’s preface tells us how it was possible. He feels the profound obligation to serve, with all his energies and with unlimited readiness for sacrifice, a purpose which is clearly personified in Gandhi’s unique example: to overcome through an awakening of moral strength the danger of self-destruction which confronts mankind as a result of explosive technological developments. The collapse which threatens mankind is characterized in the volume by the words depersonalization, regimentation, total war, while its salvation is characterized by the words personal responsibility, in conjunction with nonviolence and service to human beings in Gandhi’s sense.

I believe the author is completely right in asserting that every human being is compelled to come to a clear decision with regard to this important matter: there is no middle ground.

In the Nuremberg trials the following principle was laid down: Personal moral responsibility cannot be set aside by national laws. Let us hope that we may soon come to the point where the Nuremberg principle will not only be enforced upon citizens of vanquished nations! (Einstein on Peace, p. 544)

Here, Einstein, rather than calling those who support war insulting names, he instead expresses admiration for two people who had acted to resist participation in military activities–Sharp and Gandhi. He then places their activities in the context of a moral principle that was articulated by the judges at the post World War II Nuremberg trials. These judges convicted Nazi leaders who presented a defense that they were just following orders.

I like this approach of letting people know, by use of a narrative, what actions you do respect. It goes beyond just saying what you don’t like. It adds specificity, and I think people learn ideas better through narrative rather than principles alone. It is this very approach that I tried to create in my three novels.

Okay, there’s my post for this week. Until next time, here’s hoping we all find some helpful ways to bring about a more peaceful world.

Jeff

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Tags Albert Einstein, anger, Einstein on Peace, name calling, negative criticism, promoting peace, stupidity