Recently I wrote a post titled “Free of Fear,” employing the name of the musical group my two sons, Jack and Lennon, happen to be in. They had just released a new album, See You on the Other Side, and when I went to the album release party it got me to thinking about the subject.

When we become free of fear, it seems to me, we still experience fear from time to time, but we are no longer imprisoned by it. As I discussed in my earlier “Free of Fear” post, a key that can set us free from this imprisonment are inspiring narratives that includes a fearful struggle that ends in success, coupled with a vision of why the particular form of success was of value not only to the struggling individual but to others as well. During this past week, I’ve thought about some additional ideas for overcoming fear and I received a couple of worthwhile comments about my last post on this topic that I hope will spark some debate.

Additional Thoughts on Overcoming Fear

Before I went to the Free of Fear show, I viewed fear simply as a type of emotional pain which can be dealt with pretty much like other types of emotional pain. Regular readers of this blog know that I have proposed three approaches to dealing with emotional pain that doesn’t cost a cent and yet are highly effective—sensory focus, an expressive writing technique, and meditation. Although I contend that all three of these approaches can also be helpful for freeing us from fear, by participating in the Free of Fear multi-art event that included music, paintings, dance, poetry and a short story, I came to a deeper appreciation that fear has something about it that makes it, in a way, somewhat unique from other forms of emotional pain.

In our culture, unlike other forms of emotional pain, there are numerous narratives that have instilled within our breast the notion that to be fearful is cowardice, whereas to not be fearful is associated with bravery and courageousness. Cowards, in some circles are shot, hung, and despised, whereas those who display courage are cheered, given tickertape parades and Medals of Honor.

Such narratives do have something to offer in our coming to an understanding of the nature of fear. And yet, to truly become free of fear, an additional narrative that offers a more nuanced understanding of fear’s role in life is necessary. For your consideration, I offer you the Wright Brothers.

The Wright Brothers Find That Their Fear is Helpful.

For hundreds of years many people have dreamed of flying. Some folks found that this dream led to some ideas for building various contraptions. A few rather fearless people built and tried out first attempts at flying machines. Unfortunately, these brave souls usually either perished in their attempts or became so injured that they ended up giving the project up. Then the Wright brothers came along. They, too, had the dream of flying. And they, too, had some ideas of what type of contraption might make their dream come true. But when they built the first version, their hearts began to beat wildly and they began to sweat, and they decided not to try it out right away. They at first criticized themselves for not being brave, but then they sat with their emotions, allowed themselves to experience their physical sensations mostly nonjudgmentally, and at one point they experienced a creative thought—maybe we can come up with some way to first test our ideas out in a safer manner. They sat on this idea while also experiencing their fear and then another creative idea burst into their awareness. From this idea, the Wright Brothers developed wind tunnels that allowed them to safely observe what happens when they systematically varied different shapes of wings and propellers under various wind conditions. As they began to learn more and more about the nature of the materials that they would use wright Brothers2 to improve their original design, they managed to survive far longer than others who so bravely jumped right into trying out their early flying machines. At the same time that this was going on, some other people knew that they, personally, would be way too fearful to try out any flying machine, and yet they still sought to help this project. They found that to be part of this dream, to enter into a connection with this dream inspiring. One guy, for example, was trying to come up with an engine that was lighter and more powerful than other engines because a real practical airplane would need that type of engine. This guy was actually afraid of heights, and yet he eventually did develop a much improved engine. The Wright Brothers, having at this point lived long enough to learn a great deal from their observations in wind tunnels, combined this with this new type engine. Now they really were ready. And then they found that they now had enough confidence in their well tested ideas to try out their newly designed airplane.

This type of narrative reveals that a certain amount of fear can be helpful, and even lifesaving. Moreover, we all benefit from the diversity of fearful experiences found in human nature. As people come to a better, deeper understanding of this, the simplistic thoughts that associate fear with nothing but negative attributes are transformed into something far closer to the truth. Rather than being imprisoned by the idea that experiencing fear can only mean we must be a coward, the idea that fear can be, at times, a useful tool can serve to help us overcome our fear.

Now, some people have expressed a concern that my parable might lead to people becoming complacent with their fears. Perhaps in certain situations this might occur. But I contend that the Wright brothers never became complacent, and their narrative of overcoming their fear by careful planning serves as an enduring inspiration to all the inventors that will follow in their brave footsteps.

Two Comments From my “Free of Fear” Post

I want to finish up this post by sharing with you a couple of comments about my last post on this topic that throws some additional light on this topic.

Comment by Frank Farley, PhD

Dr. Farley is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Temple University and former president of the American Psychological Association. Upon reading my post from last week, he wrote:

Nice post on “Free of Fear”. Any artistic, or psychological, process that will help liberate people from their fears is worthy of our attention and support. The constricting effect of fear on the possibilities of life is profound, and the potential of so many lives never get realized. One avenue to freedom from fear is through risk-taking, through confronting uncertainty in small steps, building up to self-confidence in the face of the major uncertainties that many experience. Positive risk-taking can to some extent be learned, be educated for (the “Fourth R”), and if started early in life, can strengthen us to move forward against those fearsome uncertainties that may confront us.

All the best,

Frank Farley

Naturally I’m honored that Dr. Farley took the time to comment on my post. I particularly liked the part in his comment where he mentions confronting uncertainty in small steps. It reminded me of a time when I was a teenager and I was trying to ask, for the first time in my life, a girl out on a date. Several tries ended with me chickening out and questioning my manhood. Feeling like a total coward, I tormented myself over this for weeks. And then, one day I came up with the idea that perhaps asking this girl out was too much to take on all at once. Maybe I should start small and just try to go over to her and say something brief about some movie I had seen. Without the pressure of saying something to her AND asking her out, I found that I was able to manage this smaller task. Fortunately for me, she responded in a warm and friendly manner, and it wasn’t long afterwards when we were going to a movie together on a star filled Saturday night.

Comment by Tom Greening, PhD

Tom is the author of Nasreddin the Psychologist, a book of droll stories about a wise fool, and Words Against the Void, a collection of thought provoking poems. Upon reading my post from last week, Tom wrote:

To Jeff,

Here is my response…

FEAR OF HELL

I¹m full of fear and angst and dread,
so sometimes wish that I were dead,
but worry that I¹d land in hell
and know no sinner who can tell
me what it¹s really like down there
and whether Satan would be fair
and give me credit for good deeds
and cater to my special needs.
Thus I will grimly persevere
and struggle sinfully up here.

I replied to Tom’s poem with a poem of my own:

Your Fear of Hell

Your fear of hell
Is like a well,
And really something swell.
Sip its water
Enjoy the border
Where good and bad
Merges to sad,
Twists into dread,
Freshens your bed
Where your dreams lead,
Sprinkled with seeds
For the flowers
Of creativity.

Well, those are some thoughts on overcoming fear that I wanted to share with you this week. Thanks for taking the time to read them! Please let me know your thoughts, questions, or feedback by leaving me a comment below. I always do my best to reply to everyone.

———————————
Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Free of Fear

What Is Free Of Fear?

As the musicians in the band describe it:

Free of Fear is the music we always wanted to make but, up until now, never knew how to. It is the intention of creating from a neutral ground of infinite possibility, a place of total spontaneity, completely in the moment, unfettered by fears and self-doubt.

However, during the process of creating this music we experienced countless moments of uncertainty, lack of confidence in our abilities, insecurity about if people would like our sound, and a host of vague, strange, unnameable fears that arose while writing, recording, practicing, and performing our creation. During those moments the concept of Free of Fear has been a rallying cry inspiring us to overcome those trepidations and bring us back to the moment of this point in the journey, reopening ourselves to a deepening gratitude for the vibrations of the universe.

And now we wish to extend that rallying cry to you. We invite you to join the Free of Fear Movement. Its purpose is to foster an environment of encouragement that instills confidence and inspiration in each individual to create the art that only they can make. We invite you to explore the reality of the fears and insecurities in your own life, to stand up to them, and to step foot onto a path of creating and living the life that you truly wish to lead.

My Reaction

After the last notes were played and Andrea and I drifted into the cool night air, thoughts drifted through my mind. Enjoying being with a group of people, sharing a musical experience, dancing to lively rhythms and meeting interesting new people were beautifully achieved. A band seeking to inspire people to overcome their fears that have been preventing them from doing the things they really would like to be doing–I guess I kinda like that idea. Inspiring narratives have begun to stir a process within, deepening my understanding of the nature of an intriguing emotion.

Nelson Mandela

A few months earlier, I had written a post on Nelson Mandela, and I have now begun to think more deeply about how he inspired so many throughout the world. Certainly one reason is his gripping narrative that involves resisting injustice despite the fear of a violent repressive regime, then his 27 years of suffering in prison, and then his phenomenal rise, against all odds, to become president of his country. But there is something else. Once he got out of prison, Mr. Mandela put forth a vision of why his struggle was important, a vision that allowed millions of people to enter into a connection with him and with one another. “Great anger and violence can never build a nation,” Mr. Mandela declared. “We are striving to proceed in a manner and towards a result, which will ensure that all our people, both black and white, emerge as victors.” With such words, Mr. Mandela invited all of humanity to work toward a more just world.

The Free of Fear movement has a narrative that, in a sense, is like Mr. Mandela, in that it describes a process of achieving something of value despite moments of fear, and it is a cause that most of us feel a connection to. The Free of Fear movement, to be sure, is a less dramatic story than Mr. Mandela’s, at least at this early point of its existence. The band members’ one year struggle with their own fears while living modestly in NYC doesn’t quite compare with Mr. Mandela’s 27 years in prison. And creating a fresh new set of music and presenting it on the modest NYC’s Shangri-la Studios’ stage with other artists’ creations is a much smaller scale event than what Mr. Mandela achieved on a national and international stage.

But in a deeper sense, human beings can profoundly benefit from both types of narratives. The Free of Fear movement, currently, focuses on basic fears of your typical person on the street attempting to find the courage to ask someone out on a date, or creating something despite the fear that others might not like it. These types of struggles are more of what we may call your typical garden variety struggles, but to each of us who are struggling with them, they are of vital importance.

Consider, for a moment, the many people who have come to realize that their drinking has become a serious hindrance to their daily life and fear that they won’t be able to overcome this problem. Here is a problem that occurs everyday in pretty much every community. Over the years when I asked people who succeeded in overcoming this problem what was most helpful, the most common answer has been that they went to some self-help group meeting and became inspired by the many personal narratives of people who had struggled as they were, and despite serious set-backs along the way, they managed to beat their alcohol-related difficulties.

Interestingly, of all of these types of alcohol dependency recovery stories that I heard over the years, the one that stands out most to me concerns a man whom I will here call Bob. In addition to hearing these recovery types of narratives, Bob had an additional source of inspiration. Throughout the lowest period of his struggles, although most of his neighbors treated him with great disgust, there was one fellow who offered him a bit of kindness. Bob wanted to recover not only for himself, but because he wanted that bit of kindness to mean something. This kernel of kindness had grown in his breast and he desired to live in a way that honored all that it meant to him. For some reason I entered into a profound connection with Bob when I heard him tell his story in a choked-up voice.

And so, upon thinking about what it takes to inspire, these are two of the ideas that came to me–a narrative of a struggle that was eventually overcome, coupled with a vision of why the particular form of success was of value not only to the struggling individual but to others as well.

background_image-1741320515bf968fa4cf0c076b576aaf

In my next post I’ll try to convey other insights I have achieved as a result of that delightful night in NYC. In the meantime, I hope you’ll take a little time to get acquainted with the fresh set of inspiring musical numbers now available on Free of Fear’s brand new album, See You On The Otherside. It is available for free at https://freeoffear.com/album_download.

Additional Thoughts on Overcoming Fear

Two Comments From my “Free of Fear” Post

What Is Free Of Fear?

My Reaction