Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, friends.
To enrich our sense of the value of friends and its connection to respect, it’s worthwhile to consider how Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan deals with this topic on his Theme Time Radio Hour episode, “Friends and Neighbors.” So, without further ado, here’s Bob’s take on friends.
Bob on Friends
Early in the show, Bob plays us a lively tune by Porter Wagoner and the Wagonmasters called “Howdie Neighbors.” Despite the title, it’s not just about greeting people who live next door or on your block. People from all over the community are invited to a grand party with music, dancing, and sharing a bite to eat. It sounds like a great way to meet some new friends and catch up a little with some old ones as well. Conjure up in your mind a lively fiddle, a frolicking banjo, and the following lyrics:
Howdy neighbor, howdy, get out and come right in
We’ll make a bowl of gravy to sop your biscuits in
So howdy neighbor howdy come in and sit right down
Come on and tell us all the news how are things in townWe’re so glad to see you,
Been a wonderin’ how you’ve been
Everybody’s feelin’ fine,
So let the fun begin
Get the banjo off the wall and tune it up in [the key of] A
Play some good ole country tunes like grandpa used to play
As the song winds down, Bob greets us listeners with a hearty, “I want you all to be my friends.”
And then he solemnly quotes Friedrich Nietzsche:
“Go up close to your friends, but do not go over to him. We should respect the enemy that is in our friends.”
Said another way, it is important to get close to good friends, but we should keep in mind that all have faults, including our friends. Therefore, we would be wise to find a way to remain close to our friends, but, at the same time, when we see our friend begin to do some unhealthy acts, we shouldn’t just go ahead and join along in these acts just to remain friends. If your friend takes out some heroin, perhaps you might want to politely refuse to partake.
Next, Bob tells us a little about Sister Rosetta Tharpe, the lead singer of the song he is about to play, “Don’t Take Everybody to Be Your Friend.”
“She’s a powerful force of nature, a guitar playin’, singin’ evangelist…Anything but ordinary and plain. She was a big, good lookin’ woman, and divine. Not to mention sublime and splendid, always dressed like she was on her way to church, with that electric guitar strung across her shoulder.”
Here’s a few of the lyrics from a mighty impressive performer:
Oooh don’t, don’t take everybody to be your friend.
You just bear this in mind
A true friend is hard to find.
Please don’t take everybody to be your friend.Some will cause you to weep,
Some will cause you to moan,
Some will gain your confidence,
And cause you to lose your home.
You just bear this in mind
A true friend is hard to find.
Please, don’t take everybody to be your friend.
Choose your friends wisely is obviously the central message here.
Moving right along, Bob tells us about Moon Mullican, a Texan. Bob surmises the guy must be a friendly fellow from the song he sings, “Make Friends.”
Make friends with the rich,
Make friends with the poor,
Make friends with the high,
Make friends with the low.Even a little child,
You oughta greet him with a smile.
While travelin’ through this world, try to make friends.Wear a smile, not a frown,
Don’t you put your neighbour down.
While travelin’ through this world, try to make friends.
Sometimes you may be weak,
Sometimes you may be strong.
Sometimes talked about, sometimes treated wrong.
But you just can’t miss,
If you’ll remember this,
While travelin’ through this world,
Try to make friends.
The delightful interplay between the piano and guitar on that one offers us a metaphor for what beauty can come from two different folks doing their things together.
Next, Bob tells us about one of the wisest guys he ever got to know, Muhammad Ali, who once said, “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything at all.”
As you can see, Bob likes to provide some relevant quotes throughout his show. Here’s one from Aristotle:
In poverty, and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a true refuge. To the young, they help to keep out of mischief, to the old, they are a comfort and aid, and those in the prime of life, they incite to noble deeds.
A little later in the show Bob tells us:
If you need a friend, here’s some things that makes a good friend: Good friends listen to each other. Good friends help each others solve problems. Friends are dependable. This one is very important, good friends never borrow money.
Good friends never change the channel on your radio. Good friends will always tell you when you have food in your teeth. Good friends sometimes pay for dinner. And good friends sometimes let you have the last beer. And if you are doing all of those things, maybe you’ll have a friend, like Carol King sings about. Here’s Carol King. She’s going to brighten up even your darkest night.
From here, Bob launches into Carol’s classic song, “You got a Friend.” A few of the lyrics go:
When you’re down and troubled,
And you need some love and care,
And nothing, nothing is going right,
Close your eyes and think of me,
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night.
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend
If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
Soon you’ll hear me knocking at your door…
Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend
When people can be so cold?
They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them,
Oh, but don’t you let them.You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, running, yeah, yeah, yeah, to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes I will.
You’ve got a friend.
Tapestry, the Carol King album this song appears on, was the most popular of the early 1970s era, remaining on the charts for over 6 years. So, on that series of notes, I think we’ll begin to fade out for this week. I hope you enjoyed our little meditation on friends, and I hope you’ll join us again right here at From Insults to Respect.
Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
In contrast, Director Martin Scorsese put out a statement saying he was “overjoyed” that Dylan was awarded the prize. He went on from here to say:
Alfred Nobel was the inventor of dynamite and was one of the original (to quote from one Dylan song) “Masters of war/You that build the big bombs” — i.e. he not only was a major producer of modern cannon, but also was one of the first modern armament producers. In addition, a premature obituary of Nobel, calling him a “merchant of death,” presumably inspired Nobel to turn philanthropist by creating the prizes.
If he ends up landing on the other side, he’d end up in the mucky manure of folks who think that he would be disrespectful of a bunch of fine folks, such as Martin Luther King, Jr. and Albert Einstein. Such folks were as passionate as anyone with regards to promoting peaceful ways to work out human problems and yet chose to accept a Nobel Prize.
Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, addiction. When we see we have become addicted to something and find we are having difficulty breaking the habit, we may begin to lose some self respect. And sometimes our actions related to our addictions lead to others losing respect for us. So, it makes sense that we spend a little time giving this topic some thought.
Regular readers of this blog know that from time to time I like to enrich some ideas about a subject with some relevant thoughts that Bob Dylan has shared on his 
Today’s show is all about smoking. We’re not here to encourage it or to glorify it. You’re smart enough to look up all the facts. What we’re going to do over the next hour, is to give a looking and a listen to what happens when the tobacco plant collides with popular culture. As Oscar Wilde once said, “A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure; it is exquisite and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?” We’ll be examining tobacco in all of its forms, from plant, to ash, with stops at cigars, cigarette, snuff, and chewing tobacco. So sit back, smoke em if you got em, and enjoy the next 60 minutes as we blow a few musical smoke rings your way.
Now I’m a fellow with a heart of gold
One of the problems when you smoke is when you’re not smoking, you can have one of those nicotine fits. Here’s how nicotine fits work. Nicotine is physically addictive; it alters your brain functions. Every nerve in your brain’s nervous system has these very tiny neurotransmitters. Nicotine works on some of them, tricking your body that it needs more of these receptors. When you started smoking, your body started responding to the nicotine, and started growing these extra receptors. Over the years, your body has gotten used to these extra receptors, and needs the nicotine to feed them. When you stop smoking, your body thinks your body’s transmitters have been shut off. Your body seeks equilibrium. That’s what the craving for nicotine comes from. When you have a craving for nicotine, the only thing that will help you, is another cigarette. 
Your body does so, according to this theory, because at first the nicotine leads to your receptors firing more frequently than usual. This leads to feeling more alert, which some of us experience as rather pleasant. But your body recognizes that if you were to keep firing those receptors at the pace that occurs when you first started smoking, certain functions in your body will end up exhausted. Thus, your body starts to reduce the number of these receptors. In the scientific literature, this process is called “down regulation” or “tolerance.”
However, shortly after you pause from smoking even for a few minutes, you end up not having enough of these receptors to do what they were originally designed to do. It is this shortage of receptors that occurs when there is not enough nicotine in your system to keep your receptors firing at a rate that would typically occur if you were not addicted to the drug that leads to the uncomfortable, sluggish, stressful feelings that lead to a craving for the next cigarette. When you light up, you feel relief because now the reduced amount of receptors are sufficient to carry out your major life functions in a less distressed manner.
Theoretically, this same process is largely the reason why people become addicted to other substances, such as alcohol, caffeine, illegal drugs, and even the drugs that psychiatrists prescribe, such as the so called antianxiety drugs (anxiolytics), antidepressants, and ADHD stimulants such as Ritalin. They all have the potential of creating for addicted people the illusion that they are functioning better than they did before they started consuming the addictive drug.
Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud loud music
We’re going to start off with George Zimmerman and the Thrills doing “Ain’t Got No Money to Pay for this Drink.”
“Just give me a drink,” says Mr. Birnam with exquisite anguish.
Well you thought I’d be waitin’ up when you came home last night
Beer is, it’s not just a drink to me, it represents something, it reminds me of being in college and high school, and discovering getting drunk, and having a sixteen pack in the trunk of my friend, Tommy’s car, drinking it hot out of the can in a parking lot in Las Vegas. Something about beer equals good times to me. 
I love java, sweet and hot
Now when I get up in the morning
Well, there you have it, a little Bob Dylan meditation on the nature of addiction. As I listened to his shows, it came vividly clear to me that many people reach a point at which they decide that they want to get off the merry-go-round of their addiction. When this occurs, what is the best way to go about doing this?
From time to time, I like to enrich some ideas that I introduced in earlier posts with some relevant thoughts that Bob Dylan has shared on his 
Are the drugs used to treat ADHD as safe and effective as the pharmaceutical industry claim? Are many of the students now classified as having ADHD really more aptly construed as having an “attention priority difference?” Are many of those who are classified really just the youngest students in their class? Are there safer ways than drugs to deal with the challenges that are associated with the behavior patterns that lead to an ADHD classification? These are some of the questions that I addressed in my earlier posts. Let’s see what Bob has to say about this.
What a day for a daydream
Mr. Kramer is a professional photographer, who got a sweet deal when he was hired to follow Bob around for a little over a year to take pictures of him at home, going around different places, and before and during performances. Here’s a little of what he observed.
“he would grab at moments that were available, often writing in a small black looseleaf notebook, in which he probably wrote new material or kept ideas. He would interrupt something in order to glimpse a TV screen to see another performer. I’ve seen him use ten minutes working out melodies on a backstage piano while someone was out locating the key to his dressing room.” (p. 36)
“No matter how scatter-brained the type of a man’s successive fields of consciousness may be, if he really cares for a subject, he will return to it incessantly from his incessant wanderings, and first and last do more with it, and get more results from it, than another person whose attention may be more continuous during a given interval, but whose passion for the subject is of a more languid and less permanent sort.
In typical American classrooms, a subject is brought up by teachers at a given time and for a specific period of time. Those in the class who have the ability to switch their attention to what the teacher brings up at a given time and then stay focussed throughout the scheduled time, are often more highly valued by teachers then those students who are less skilled at this. Teachers often refer to the Special Education Department those children who are not following along in lockstep with their schedule and they urge parents to take these children to doctors to get prescriptions for drugs. Like Bob, I’m not comfortable with this.
“
Trying to get the kids off your hands by sticking them in front of a TV or computer game terminal may be a pretty enticing thing to do. If that doesn’t work, it is oh, so easy to just give them some pills.
When I say, “take the responsibility” I don’t mean to imply that parents should blame themselves. Blame suggests that parents should seek to punish themselves whenever their approach at discipline doesn’t work well. Punishing themselves in such situations only makes a challenging situation worse.
What I mean by taking responsibility is that we recognize within ourselves that we are dissatisfied with where things are at. We observe in a nonjudgmental manner how this goes along with some physical sensations in our body–perhaps a tightening in our chest, and tension around the forehead. Perhaps we might observe ourselves making some nasty comments about ourselves because of old habits. Although we observe these nasty comments, we don’t accept them as correct, just habitual statements learned oh, so many years ago. But as we observe all of this, from time to time we consider the attitude that these sensations that we are experiencing have the potential of spurring us to make some improvement in our own actions.
Today, we turn to Bob’s show that explores the theme of “laughter,” a topic that is related to insults and respect in a number of ways. For instance, some people throw insults at us in a playful way in the hopes of provoking laughter. If we learn to take it well, laugh along, and show we don’t take ourselves too seriously, this potentially can enhance our reputation. 
Then there are situations during which someone throws out an insult in the hopes of humiliating us, and it leads to derisive laughs from those who are listening. In such situations, if we can learn to keep our heads up high while making allowances for the level of maturity of the insulter, this too can potentially enhance our reputation.
The song deepens our understanding of both laughter and sadness because it reveals how some people think they might lose some respect if they appear, even to themselves, to be sad over the loss of a love. Better, they think, to appear to be laughing and joking about the whole mess. And yet, the song became a big hit in large part because in actuality most of us can deeply relate to someone who experiences at such times genuine sadness. Meanwhile, some may actually see through your pretense of taking the breakup so lightly. If they do, might this enhance or diminish the respect they have for you?
“A lot of people laugh and joke no matter how they feel inside. The tradition of the sad clown goes back to at least 1892 when the opera “Pagliacci” was first performed. The opera is about the saddest of clowns. Enrico Caruso’s recordings of the arias of “Pagliacci” were the first records to sell over one million copies.”
Next up, Bob plays us a little number by Clyde McPhatter, called “Everyone’s Laughing” that has a related theme. Let’s take a quick look at some of the lyrics:
The singer of the song just labels the laughers, “fair weather friends.” Perhaps it would show more insight if he realized that perhaps the laughers were laughing because they knew deep inside that this type of breakup either has happened to them, or may very well at some point in their lives happen to them. Thus, they laughed because they are relieved that they are not the only ones that have to go through such a heartbreaking experience. Some sympathy for the laughers would be a mark, for me, of a higher level of maturity than the simple name calling that appears in the song’s lyrics.
In an earlier post (“
However, as we think upon this a little more, it may suddenly occur to us that we do have some reasons to feel threatened. At this point our emotional center, having already been sensitized from the earlier threat perception, leads to our laughter quickly turning to sadness.
However, something about the joke might bring up a memory of something sad. Since the threat region of our brain has already become sensitized from the fear of not getting the joke, we may quickly fall into sadness.
Don’t mind the rain drops
The song is in a lively tempo, and is pretty cheery. Moments afterwards, however, Bob waxes philosophical with a quote from the Nobel Prize winning writer, Herman Hesse–“Seriousness is an accident of time. It consists in putting too high a value on time. Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.”
They have that warmth, they have that dynamic, that relationship; you love them, you want to hug them. I think comedians should never be better than the audience. I hate a comedian that comes out and he’s slick and he’s cool, and he’s got these one liners. It won’t resonate, it won’t mean anything to me. I want a comedian that gets their hands dirty. You know, I like someone to laugh at them. I love everything about them. They were just lovable geniuses.”
