Categories
conflict resolution Tariffs Trade wars

Regional Manufacturing: A Wiser Alternative to Tariffs

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

No doubt you have all noticed the recent commotion over the new US White House policy of raising tariffs on some manufactured goods. There are those who are enthusiastically supporting this, while others are vehemently arguing that we would be far better off sticking to the previous policy. Well, from my way of thinking, both policies have serious drawbacks. So, in today’s post I would like you all to consider a far wiser alternative, one that I call a “Regional Manufacturing Policy.” Before I explain this alternative, and why it would be so much better, particularly for respecting the environment, let’s review the current commotion as it stands now.

The Current Commotion

The new “raising tariffs policy” is being hailed by President Trump as just the beginning of a trade war that is “easy to win.” He is beginning with steel and aluminum while considering other tariff raises as well.

Countries that have established trade policies with the US after long and hard negotiations see this move by the Trump administration as a violation of trust and some are threatening retaliation. When the US administration said it might exempt Canada and Mexico, this led to other countries expressing that they are being treated disrespectfully for they have been US allies for years.

Why Trump has decided to focus first on steel and aluminum is not hard to fathom. He managed to win the majority of presidential electoral votes in the state of Pennsylvania by the slimmest of margins. When he campaigned there, he promised to raise tariffs to help the state’s manufacturing industry. If he doesn’t keep his promise, he would have about the same chance of winning Pennsylvania again in the next presidential election as a Nazi would in the state of Israel.

The reasons some support the raising of tariffs are several. The US has the knowhow to produce any of the goods that would be considered for a tariff increase. US workers are eager to do the job as long as it pays at least a living wage; that is, a wage that permits a person working 40 hours a week, with no additional income, to afford the basics for a modest but decent life, such as, food, shelter, utilities, transport, health care, and child care. Although other countries have workers who are willing to do the job for lower salaries, there are several benefits to the US if it sticks to having US citizens do jobs that can competently be done by them. Though prices may go up a few dollars per item if the US keeps manufacturing jobs in the US, people earning the money in the US will spend their earnings in the US, helping the national economy. Fewer US citizens will need to be drawing on welfare programs. There is a pride that goes along with having local workers being part of what keeps the country rolling along.

The argument that the cost of goods in the US would skyrocket if we didn’t rely on foreign manufacturing seems hollow to those who have lost their jobs to foreign workers. Many remember a time before their jobs went overseas. Products such as cars and refrigerators were being manufactured at affordable prices back then. Moreover, the price of a particular product is not based so much on what the workers get paid, but on what the market will bear. The real reason the jobs went overseas, according to many advocating for the tariffs is not to keep prices for consumers down, but rather to increase the profits of corporations that distribute their financial windfall to their rich stockholders.

Complicating all of this is the fact that other countries buy some of the manufactured goods made in the US. If the US reduces foreign product purchases because tariffs make them too costly, foreign countries may raise tariffs on US products leading to making them so costly fewer foreigners will buy those products. Then those corporations’ employees in the US that are manufacturing these products will lose their jobs. Pennsylvania workers could end up with an improved job situation while other states will end up with a worse job situation. The complexities in this type of trade war make it extremely difficult to predict what the final outcomes will be.

In broad strokes, the above summarizes how the media describes what the tariff commotion is all about. What you don’t hear about is the major problem with both the new increasing tariff policy and the policy that existed before this commotion began.

Existing Trade Policies’ Effect on the Environment

Why is the trade policy we had prior to the new tariffs terrible for the environment? Consider Ford Motor Company that is located in Detroit. Ford could, under the prior trade policy, decide to buy the steel used to manufacture its cars from China, several thousand miles away, even if Canada has a steel plant a few hundred miles away eager to supply Ford all the steel it needs. Meanwhile, Toyota has an auto manufacturing plant in the Atlanta area. Rather than buy its steel from Pennsylvania, a few hundred miles away, it also can decide to buy its steel from China. The corporations may make this decision because Chinese workers are paid sufficiently less and the power plants that are used can be run at less expense because there are less pollution control requirements. The result is more profits by maintaining the current policy than if a decision was made to manufacture all manufactured goods within the region those goods are to be sold.

Note also that both Ford and Toyota use their plants to basically assemble their cars. The parts that they use in assembling the cars are made all over the world, from South Korea, Germany, Brazil, etc. And so, to manufacture a car in Detroit and Atlanta, thousands of huge ships are churning their way across huge oceans to bring all of these manufactured parts to seaports. According to an investigative report form the UK newspaper the Daily Mail, the 16 biggest ships in the world produce more pollution than all the world’s cars. This is because of the higher levels of sulphur oxides and nitrous oxides that large container vessels produce when compared to cars.

Once the ships dock into port, their cargo is then loaded onto trucks to further get these parts to the assembly plants. Then, when the cars are fully assembled, many are sent thousands of miles away for sale in South Korea, Europe, etc. All of this extra needless transportation leads to kicking out tons and tons of pollution for us and the next few hundred generations to breath and to suffer global warming consequences.

The alternative, raising tariffs plan, offers no real significant improvement in protecting the environment. Prior to Trump announcing his policy to raise tariffs, there were already numerous tariffs in place that were negotiated by all the concerned stakeholders. Despite that, millions and millions of miles of needless transportation was still going on. Meanwhile, the increase of tariffs lead to allies becoming enraged, lawsuits are already being filed, and final consequences of all of the stirred up ill will are unlikely to lead to benefits for all but a very few.

Regional Manufacturing Policy (RMP)

Imagine the United Nations coming to an agreement about a policy that is in the interest of protecting the environment. This policy calls for a three-year transition period that leads to all manufactured goods that are sold in a region being fully manufactured in that region, with the workers getting paid at least a living wage.

To envision what I mean by this policy, note that right now Toyota is a car manufacturing corporation centered in Japan and it manufactures many of its cars in that region. Nevertheless, it has opened a manufacturing plant in the US region, cutting some of the transportation requirements that would be necessary if it manufactured all of its cars in Japan.

Although this is a step toward a RMP, Toyota still has many of the parts that go into manufacturing its US made cars manufactured in other parts of the world. A true RMP would have all of the manufactured parts, including steel and electronic parts, made in the region those cars are to be sold.

To further envision what a RMP would require, imagine North America being divided into 5 or 6 regions, Europe divided into 2 or 3 regions, and so on. If Apple intends to sell its iPhones in each of these regions, it would be required by RMP to create manufacturing plants in each of these regions, thus dramatically reducing miles of transportation, along with the pollution that goes with it.

In thinking about RMP, some will find themselves concerned about all of the jobs that will be lost in the transportation industry. But note that within a few years driverless vehicles will become a practical way to transport goods, so it is now time to begin to help these workers to learn new skills for the jobs of the future. A humane way to make this transition is to extend unemployment benefits long enough for these transportation workers to learn these new skills and to make the training affordable.

Benefits of RMP extend well beyond environmental considerations. Tariffs produce anger, feelings of disrespect, and reprisals. Imagine, instead, a world that has its citizens joining together to make RMP work because it is the right thing to do for our planet and for future generations.

Admittedly, the current trade winds don’t appear favorable for the path I am here advocating. Just as I was completing this post I happened to glance at today’s New York Times and saw the following headline:

“E.P.A. Prepares to Roll Back Rules Requiring Cars to Be Cleaner and More Efficient.”

Illustration by Eric SailerThe article goes on to say, “The Trump administration, handing automakers a victory, is preparing to announce an effort to weaken strict Obama-era pollution standards.”

Yes, such news is understandably discouraging. Nevertheless, any fine sailor will tell you that it is common for a journey to meet up with stormy seas, and yet all the mates working together still succeed in bringing their ship into their desired port.

 

 

 

Categories
Antidepressants effectiveness conflict resolution Harmful effects of antidepressants

Do Antidepressants Worsen Depression?

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Regular readers know that from time to time I address concerns about the use of antidepressants in our society. Well, as I was thinking about what to write about this week’s post, I learned of a new meta-analysis that was published in the medical journal Lancet that appears to support the claim that antidepressants are effective, at least in short-term studies.

Although well thought out critiques of this analysis soon appeared, the power of the pharmaceutical industry’s media promotion apparatus will lead to the public hearing far more readily a simplified version of the Lancet findings. And so, out of respect for the public’s right to make informed choices, I have decided to provide my readers the link to one of the most thorough and readable critiques (see HERE).

Robert Whitaker

It’s written by Robert Whitaker, a medical writer who started out as a Knight Science Journalism fellow at MIT. Following that, he became director of publications at Harvard Medical School. His most recent book is Anatomy of an Epidemic.

In addition to providing the link to Whitaker’s critique, below I provide a brief summary of his critique’s main objections to the conclusions of the Lancet article. As you will see, there exists substantial evidence that rather than improving outcomes for people dealing with the challenging experiences of depression, antidepressants actually tend to worsen outcomes. The studies I refer to below are fully referenced in Whitaker’s article.

A Brief Summary of Robert Whitaker’s Critique

Whitaker tells us that the Lancet analysis relies on random control trials (RCT) that compared depressed patients taking a placebo with those taking the antidepressants over a mere eight weeks. After eight weeks, symptom reduction, as measured in this study, did favor those in the groups that took the real drug. Should that be the whole story?

Whitaker rightly points out that RCTs are fraught with problems. Most of the studies are industry-funded, thus investigator bias is a worry. The placebo group is composed of patients who have been abruptly withdrawn from antidepressants that they had been taking before the trials got underway, which isn’t a true placebo group at all. Rather, they are a special group of depressed individuals likely to be suffering withdrawal reactions.

Upon looking at the risks versus benefits from this symptom-reduction data, Whitaker tells us that even if we assume that the results are accurate, then:

“12% of patients will benefit from the treatment, while the remaining 88% will suffer the adverse effects of treatment without any additional therapeutic benefit beyond placebo. Those are the odds that a person contemplating taking an antidepressant drug might want to know.”

Whitaker goes on from here to point out that the RCT studies use eligibility criteria to select participants most likely to respond well to the drug. Only about 10% to 30% of real-world depressed patients meet these criteria. Do real world patients respond differently?

In one study that looked at this, only 19% had responded to the treatment at three months, which was one-third the response rate recorded in RCTs. In another study known as the STAR*D trial, this one hailed as the largest antidepressant study, patients who didn’t respond to a first round of treatment could then have a second round with a different antidepressant, and so on through four courses of treatment. The idea was that eventually a treatment would be found that would work. Yet, even with this design, the short-term findings indicated only 38% of the 4041 patients reached meaningful improvement as defined by the researchers.

Whitaker’s conclusion about the effects of antidepressants as determined from the two major short-term studies on real world patients follows:

“Are they better than “natural recovery” rates over the short term? I am not sure there is a good answer to that question in the research literature, but what can be concluded from these two studies is that there is a lack of evidence that antidepressants are effective in the majority of real-world patients, even over the short term. They “work” in only a minority of patients, and it may be that they don’t provide any benefit over natural recovery rates at the end of 6 to 12 weeks.

As interesting as these studies are, it is perhaps even more important to look at the effectiveness of these types of drugs beyond 12 weeks. After all, the goal for people who are depressed is to get well and stay well. In research terms, patients want to experience a “sustained remission.” Whitaker’s critique extensively reviews the studies bearing on this, and the results are troubling.

In one study with real-world patients, 13% were in remission at the end of the year, but only 5% had a “sustained remission” during the year. The outcomes in this study, according to John Rush, the lead researcher in the study, “reveal remarkably low response and remission rates.”

The documented stay-well rate in the STAR*D trial was even worse. At the end of one year, only 108 of the 4041 patients (3%) had remitted and stayed well and in the trial. All of the others had either failed to remit, relapsed, or dropped out of the study.

A Minnesota report on the real-world outcomes of 260,000 patients treated for depression from 2010 to 2013 found similarly low remission rates. At the end of each year, only about 5% of the patients were in remission. Another 10 percent or so were still considered responders to antidepressant treatment.

How does this compare to people who are depressed but don’t take antidepressants? Whitaker describes the following study that seeks to answer this question:

In 2006, Michael Posternak, a psychiatrist at Brown University, studied the one-year remission rate for unmedicated patients. To do his research, he identified 84 patients enrolled in an NIMH study who, after recovering from an initial bout of depression, subsequently relapsed but then did not go back on an antidepressant. He tracked their remission rate over time: 23% percent had recovered by the end of the first month; 67 percent at the end of six months; and 85% at the end of one year.

Posternak summed up his results in this way: “If as many as 85% of depressed individuals who go without somatic treatment spontaneously recover within one year, it would be extremely difficult for any intervention to demonstrate a superior result to this.”

These results are quite startling. In the Minnesota study, only 5% of those taking antidepressants were viewed as recovered at the end of one year while in the Pasternak study 85% of those not taking an antidepressant recovered in the same time period. Although definitive conclusions can not be made from just two such studies, the findings do raise the question, do these types of drugs worsen outcomes for people dealing with depression experiences?

Exploring this issue further, Whitaker takes a close look at the few longer term studies that used real world patients. He tells us:.

  • In a retrospective study of the 10-year outcomes of 222 people who had suffered a first episode of depression, Dutch researchers reported that 76% of those not treated with an antidepressant recovered and never relapsed, versus 50% of those initially prescribed an antidepressant.
  • In a Canadian study that charted outcomes for 9,508 depressed patients for five years, those taking antidepressants were depressed on average 19 weeks per year, versus 11 weeks for those not taking antidepressants.
  • In a World Health Organization study designed to assess the merits of screening for depression, which was conducted in 15 cities around the world, the patients who were diagnosed by their GPs and treated with an antidepressant were twice as likely to be depressed at the end of one year as those who weren’t diagnosed and treated, even though their baseline depression scores were nearly the same.
  • This WHO study also provided some insight into the effectiveness of antidepressants—or their lack of effectiveness—over time. At the end of three months, the patients treated with medications had improved slightly more than the unmedicated group, but after that time they stopped getting better, while the unmedicated group continued to improve throughout the year.
  • In a study of 1,281 people who went on short-term disability in Canada due to depression, 19% of those who took an antidepressant failed to return to work and went on long-term disability, compared to 9% of those who didn’t fill a prescription.
  • An NIMH-funded study assessed the six-year “naturalistic” outcomes of 547 people who suffered a bout of depression, and found that those who were treated for the illness were three times more likely than the untreated group to suffer a “cessation” of their principal social role, and nearly seven times more likely to become incapacitated.
  • The burden of depression in developed countries around the world has dramatically increased since Prozac arrived on the market in 1987.  A 2015 study found that the economic burden from depression in the United States increased from $83 billion in 2000 to $210 billion in 2010.
  • There has been a dramatic increase in the number of people on disability due to mood disorders in developed countries during the Prozac era, with this increase happening in lockstep with the increased prescribing of antidepressants.

Whitaker concludes with these words:

I think it is fair to conclude, based on this data, that antidepressants, as they are used now, can’t be said to “work” for society. Instead, they can be said to cause significant societal harm.

Now, I hasten to point out that for people experiencing depression, their choices are not merely either taking an antidepressant, a placebo, or no treatment at all. Many people report great help from psychotherapy and counseling, although the cost can be unrealistic for many. With regard to learning how to positively deal with the emotional pain that is a central feature of the depression experience, there are several effective approaches that don’t cost any money, such as sensory focus, expressive writing, and meditation. I describe these approaches HERE. Exercise such as walking, yoga, etc, have not only been found in scientific studies to be helpful, but enhance other health outcomes as well.

One of the most frustrating aspects of taking drugs like antidepressants, is that the prescribing doctors often don’t explain how difficult it is for many people, once they begin taking them, to come off them. People can experience severe withdrawal effects that can last for months. Learning how to safely ween off of them can be a challenge. Just stopping them, cold turkey, has the potential to be dangerous for some. There are people, however, who can help you through this challenging experience (see HERE for recommendations).

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Categories
conflict resolution gun violence and mental illness

Mental Illness and Gun Violence

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

Whenever we learn of a mass shootings, we hear people unfairly connecting the horrendous murderous acts to people who have been classified as having a mental illness. For example, at one point immediately after one such tragic event, Paul Ryan, the former speaker of the House, announced, “People with mental illness are getting guns and committing these mass shootings.” Such statements connect in the minds of the public the notion that people who have been labelled mentally ill are dangerous, thereby promoting the stigmatizing of a group of people, the vast majority of whom are no more violent than average citizens.

?

For those who are interested in a scientific analysis of possible connections between mental illness and violence, I recommend “Mental illness and Reduction of Gun Violence and Suicide: Bringing Epidemiologic Research to policy” (see HERE). Its major conclusion is that the large majority of people viewed by mental health professionals as having a mental disorder do not engage in violence against others, and that most violent behavior is due to factors other than mental illness.

Now, to be sure, some studies have reported a statistically significant but fairly modest positive association between violence and mental illness. However, this apparent connection, when we look carefully at the data, suggests that this association is likely to be misleading.

Clarifying the Relationship Between the Statistical Findings

The first thing to keep in mind is that the notion of mental illness is a lot more vague than many mental health professionals would like you to believe. People facing the complexity of their existence will often become concerned about how they are feeling or acting for an incredible variety of reasons. When they seek some support from a mental health professional, in order to access this support their concerns must be converted into mental illness terminology. Without being labelled, no services. It just so happens that because the descriptors needed to classify someone as mentally ill are so vague, pretty much anyone seeking mental health services won’t be turned away as long as they can either afford the cost for the services or that they have some insurance policy that covers mental health services.

Keeping in mind how vague the notion of mental illness is and the incredible variety of concerns that people seek mental health services, note that there is a whole additional group of people who get labelled as mentally ill. This group of people are adolescents who are acting out violently and therefore are referred to mental health services by teachers and parents. Once these adolescents are referred, they too, in order to access services, are labelled as having one mental illness or another.

In one series of studies we find that violence involvement during adolescence is also a potent risk factor for ongoing violence involvement well into young adulthood (; ; ). So, when violent acting adolescents get labelled as having a mental illness, it is not because they clearly meet any of the vaguely worded criteria for a mental illness classification, but rather because it is a requirement of the bureaucracy to access services. This violence prone group is then added in statistical analyses to the larger group of people who make up all those who are labelled mentally ill. When analyses combine those who are labelled as mentally ill for all reasons with the subgroup of those who are already displaying violent behavior, it leads to a statistically significant finding between mental illness and violence. There are a host of reasons why someone is violent, such as having parents who display violent behavior, living in communities where violence is all around, etc. Rather than attributing the vague notion of “mental illness” as the reason of such violent conduct, we would be better off identifying its specific causes.

Here’s another reason for the misleading statistical correlation between those who are labelled mentally ill and violence. People who have been labelled mentally ill come from a full range of social and economic conditions. At the same time, such labelled people are somewhat more likely to be exposed to social and economic risk factors such as poverty, crime victimization, involvement with illegal drugs and drug markets, early life trauma exposure, and ambient neighborhood crime. Perhaps it is this exposure, rather than the vague notion of mental illness, that leads to the statistical increased risk of violence among mentally ill labelled people. Examining this possibility, Swanson et al. (see HERE) published a study on the prevalence and correlates of interpersonal violent behavior in a five-state pooled sample of 802 adult psychiatric outpatients with serious mental illness who were receiving services in the states’ public behavioral health care systems. The study compared 3 groups of individuals.

Group 1: Individuals in this group had been labelled mentally ill and also came from a very low social capital situation—mostly unemployed, economically impoverished, typically residing in disadvantaged neighborhoods, often misusing alcohol and illicit drugs, and reporting alarmingly high rates of trauma and violent victimization over their life course.

Group 2: This group’s members were participants in the study who merely had a diagnosis of serious mental illness but did not have a history of violent victimization, were not exposed to neighborhood violence, and were not abusing drugs or alcohol.

Group 3: This group’s members were individuals who were representative of the general population.

The results indicate that those in Group 1 (mentally ill plus low social capital situations) had a higher rate of violence than those in Group 3 (those individuals typical of the general population). Meanwhile, Group 2 members (mentally ill but no history of low social capital situations had annual rates of violent behavior that were no different from those in Group 3 (the general population group).

Thus, these findings suggest that it is not the vague “thing” we call mental illness that is the cause of the increased rates of violent behavior, but rather being exposed to low social capital situations. Said another way, more people who have been exposed to low social capital situations tend to get a mental illness label than people in general. When this low social capital situation group is combined in statistical analyses with everyone who has a mental illness label, it gives the appearance that it is the mental illness condition causing the increase in rates of violence. In actuality, it really is the exposure to low social capital situations that is the cause for the increased rates of violence.

Here’s a third argument that it is not “mental illness” that is the cause for the statistical increase in violence. Perhaps the statistical finding is due to the psychiatric drugs that people labelled mentally ill often take. To be sure, most people who take psychiatric drugs do not become violent. However, a number of writers have pointed to the evidence that one of the recognized side effects of taking these drugs is an increased risk of violent behavior (as examples see HERE and HERE). Moreover, it has been reported that many of those who shot up schools were on psychiatric drugs, including this most recent case (see HERE).

Conclusion

The mental illness explanation for the school atrocities is far too simplistic, unfairly stigmatizes an enormous number of nonviolent individuals, and diverts our attention from coming to understand the real factors that are involved.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Categories
Being supportive of our faults conflict resolution

Nobody Hurts You Harder Than Yourself

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

This week I happened to be listening to the old Graham Parker song, “Nobody Hurts You.” As I interpret the lyrics and how they are sung, it seems to me that they are a useful jumping off point for a discussion about so many of us being, at times, so disrespectful to ourselves.

Graham’s Song

The first line, sung with anger, goes:

I try to pull my weight, study my geography
It doesn’t seem to get me anywhere

Here we learn that the singer, and in a metaphorical sense, many of us as well, sometimes find we are in a situation in which we begin to feel angry because we are trying to get somewhere, but find we are not making progress.

As the song continues, frustration begins to mount. And then Graham cries out,

Hey baby, I’m out of favor
You can’t always be the right flavor
It just seems that no matter what you do
Someone, somewhere, suddenly gotta punish you

Nobody hurts you, nobody hurts you
Well, nobody hurts you, nobody hurts you
Harder than yourself.

Here, Graham explains to someone he calls “baby” that he is out of favor, and you can’t always be the right flavor. The use of the word “you” in these lines, as I read them, refers to himself, and he is actually calling himself a baby. Punishing himself for not matching what others respect is viewed by him as an immature, baby-like way to act.

Graham then belts out,

Suffocating in suburbia
The new estates build claustrophobia
Grandfather’s money only in the finest stuff
That’s enough! That’s enough! That’s enough!

Well, nobody hurts you, and nobody hurts you
Well, nobody hurts you, nobody hurts you
Harder than yourself.

Here I’m reminded that so many of us hurt ourselves when we see we are in a situation that clashes with what we respect. As Graham cries out the lines, “That’s enough! That’s enough! That’s enough!” he is expressing anguish as he goes about hurting himself over these perceptions.

The next few lines go:

You make me tag along, run into the rent-a-crowd
But they’re just imitation
I try to write the song, you and me are laughing loud
But it comes out frustration

Look no one’s going to illuminate you
All the odds are stacked against you
You’re just caving in right there in front of me
It’s a picture I don’t ever want to see

Nobody hurts you and nobody hurts you
Well, nobody hurts you and nobody hurts you
Harder than yourself.

At this point, the singer leaves us in a fit of exasperation, saying discouraging pessimistic words. Many of us connect with the anger in his voice, recognizing that how the singer is reacting to his frustration is somewhat similar to how at times we may react.

Hurting Ourselves When We Perceive Disrespect

One of the most common way that we begin to hurtfully treat ourselves is when we perceive someone is treating us disrespectfully. Apparently, some people are less likely to succumb to this pattern. I came upon a great example of someone who utilized an alternative pattern while reading Ron Chernow’s best selling biography of Ulysses S. Grant.

There we learn about John Rawlins, who acted as General Grant’s Chief of Staff during the Civil War:

Rawlins “was always getting excited about something that had been done to Grant,” recalled Lieutenant Frank Parker. When someone showed disrespect for Grant, “he would prance around and say, General, I would not stand such things’ to which Grant would say, ‘Oh, Rawlins! what’s the use in getting excited over little things like that; it doesn’t hurt me and it may make the other fellow feel a little good.'”

Grant was widely respected in his day, not only for his leadership during the Civil War, but also for his tenure as US President, serving a full two terms. Sure, he had his flaws, as all human beings do. Nevertheless, his pattern of dealing with perceptions of disrespect does suggest the possibility that it is possible to achieve respect with the use of his pattern.

The pattern I am talking about is more fully described by  several of the lines that Rudyard Kipling wrote in his poem, “If.”

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Can We Learn Skills that Help Us to Be More Supportive Of Ourselves Even When We Perceive From Others Disrespect?

It may be true that some of us are born with a calmer, more supportive way to react to perceptions of disrespect. If you believe this, you may come to believe that there is nothing you can do to change your innate pattern. However, I, and many others as well, have found that if we come to realize lashing out at others and ourselves at such times is less than ideal, there are some very useful skills that can be learned over a period of time despite innate tendencies.

Now, a major reason people become discouraged from taking helpful action to learn such skills is that they read on this topic, became convinced that the skills make sense, but end up finding that this understanding led to no change in their own behavior. “Oh, I know all about such skills,” they say to themselves, “but with my temperament, I can’t really do anything about this.”

Well, as I explained in an earlier post (see HERE), learning certain skills requires more than just knowing the basic principles of these skills, it requires practice over an extended period of time. Consider, for example, an actor who gets a part on Broadway. This person well knows the basics of acting having gone to the Juilliard School of Performing Arts. Moreover, the script explains what is to be done during the play and the director explains even more what are the motivations and emotions to be expressed. Nevertheless, even after all of this and all the lines are well memorized, there is no way the actor is ready to get up in front of the Broadway critics without some practice over a period of time under less stressful conditions.

Learning skills that are helpful to respond to perceptions of disrespect is similar in many ways. To learn them, you have to apply what you have heard or read by first doing them under relatively safe circumstances, make mistakes, and try again and again until you get smooth at coordinating the skills even in very challenging circumstances.

One of the best ways to learn the skills regarding being supportive of ourselves when we perceive others are treating us in a less than ideal respectful manner is to seek counseling or psychotherapy from a supportive professional. As you discuss with the professional situations that typically have resulted in your being very hard on yourself, these professionals over a few months typically respond in a very supportive manner, modeling for you the type of skills you want to learn. Some will then give you some homework assignments that lead in time to your learning a far more helpful style of functioning during these challenges.

Some counselors and psychotherapists will also encourage you to learn to meditate and utilize other mindfulness techniques. Here you practice observing your physical sensations when you are dealing with the disrespectful perceptions. In time, the disrespectful words that you tend to direct at yourself come to lose their disturbing nature. For a period of time these words still come, but you end up smiling at them as you realize they are not matching reality. In time, they may completely fade away.

This has been described as decentering. In essence, to decenter is to take a figurative step back from our beliefs and thoughts. Instead of a reality of “I can’t do anything right,” one learns that they had a thought “I can’t do anything right.” We come to learn that we do not need to believe all our thoughts that were learned over many years from people who treated you in less than respectful ways.

An important component of mindfulness practice is to not resist our thoughts. Otherwise, marked frustration may ensue. We notice them, accept that they have come, observe them, and peacefully observe the physical sensations that come with them. You can find, and learn about two personal counselors that are highly skilled in all of these approaches HERE.

Now, I understand that most people can’t access the kinds of mental health services I am describing because they are too expensive or they are not available in their community. It is for this reason that I have been writing this blog. It provides a free, accessible way to learn the skills at your own pace. By going to the first post of this blog and then systematically going through each of the other posts over an extended period of time, a more supportive style of dealing with these types of problems are described, along with simple exercises that are required to really learn the skills well enough so you can actually carry them out in real life situations.


Assignment: Write one or two paragraphs that relates what you have just read to something that personally happened to you. Include not just what happened, but also how you were feeling while it was happening.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

 

 

Categories
conflict resolution Taxation Policy

Disrespecting the Middle Class With Taxation Policy

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Very recently, the US government passed a bill that provides a major overhaul of our taxation policy. Since the bill was signed into law, some of my friends have begun to ask me what I think of it. In response, I first tell them about a psychological study.

The Study

In the study, primatologists Sarah F. Brosnan and Frans B.M. de Waal trained capuchin monkeys to perform a certain task for which they receive, as a reward, cucumber slices.  The monkeys performed the task just fine until they were permitted to see another monkey being rewarded with grapes, a higher-value payment.  Suddenly many of the cucumber-receivers refused the cucumber, sometimes even throwing those measly, unfair cucumber payments at the experimenter who was giving out the reward. In a delightful YouTube video that you can access for free HERE, you can witness this for yourself. Behavioral economists call the behavioral characteristic exhibited by the monkeys “inequity aversion”—the tendency to turn down a perfectly good offer if others are getting a better deal.

Do Capuchin Monkeys Comprehend Something Middle Class Supporters of the Tax Bill Fail to Grasp?

The new tax policy would deliver more than 50 percent of its benefits to the top 1 percent, according to an analysis by the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center (TPC). Meanwhile, America’s poorest families would get a tax benefit less than 1 percent growth in after-tax income. A middle-class household with $67,000 of income will receive an average tax cut of $930 next year, while a fairly wealthy family with $348,000 of income will get an average tax cut of $7,640. Very wealthy families will get a far larger break. One in five Americans making the median household income would actually see a tax hike.

The new tax policy is estimated to increase the national debt by over a trillion dollars, which eventually will have to be paid, plus interest. That interest will be paid to financial institutions that benefit the rich. The tax breaks for the rich in this bill were written in a way that make them permanent, whereas the parts of the bill that will give the slight benefits to a majority of middle income people are temporary.

Despite these facts, there are some middle class voters who are actually supporters of the new tax policy. What are they thinking? Well, the most common defense comes down to the old trickle down theory. So, let’s take a look at this.

Trickle-down Economics

Trickle-down economics, also referred to as trickle-down theory, is an economic theory that advocates reducing taxes on businesses and the wealthy in society as a means to stimulate business investment in the short term and benefit society at large in the long term. For those who want to see how much support there is for this theory, I suggest placing the following words into your search engine–Trickle-down theory, evidence for support. By doing so, you will find that the theory has been a dismal failure. For a brief summary of these findings, I recommend Wikipedia’s entry on this topic. Here are some quotes:

The term trickle-down originated as a joke by humorist Will Rogers and today is often used to criticize economic policies which favor the wealthy or privileged, while being framed as good for the average citizen. In recent history, it has been used by critics of supply-side economic policies…

Multiple studies have found a correlation between trickle-down economics and reduced growth.[6][7][8][9] 

A 2012 study by the Tax Justice Network indicates that wealth of the super-rich does not trickle down to improve the economy, but tends to be amassed and sheltered in tax havens with a negative effect on the tax bases of the home economy.[9]

A 2015 paper by researchers for the International Monetary Fund argues that there is no trickle-down effect as the rich get richer: [I]f the income share of the top 20 percent (the rich) increases, then GDP growth actually declines over the medium term, suggesting that the benefits do not trickle down. In contrast, an increase in the income share of the bottom 20 percent (the poor) is associated with higher GDP growth.[6]

Rather Than Hoping That the Middle Class Might Indirectly Benefit From Giving a Larger Tax Break to The Rich, Why Not Directly Give The Middle Class The Larger Tax Break?

Those who supported the bill claimed that it was designed to help the middle class. Two ways our heavily lobbied representatives could, if it really wanted to help the middle class, is to increase the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), and to increase the minimum wage to $15 an hour.

Representative Ro Khanna has proposed a $1 trillion expansion to the EITC. The plan would give about 50 million households an average tax benefit of roughly $3,000 per year; Americans earning more than $100,000 would get no tax benefit. In the graph below, the nonpartisan Center for Budget and Policy Priorities compares the distributional effects of a trillion-dollar EITC expansion versus the tax bill recently signed by President Trump.


The Trump Tax Cut vs. an Expansion of the Earned Income Tax Credit

CBPP

Such an EITC expansion would raise by 5 percent the after-tax income of households making less than $30,000. That’s 10 times more than what those households would get under the new tax plan. People earning from $30,000 to $50,000 would also do better under this plan as well, though not as much as those earning less. This program’s impact on the national debt would be significantly less than the new tax policy.

Now, if you look closely at the above graph you will notice that people whose income is in the range of $50,000 to $100,000 don’t receive as much of a cut as they will get under the estimated Trump tax cuts. Arguably this group of people should be viewed as part of the middle class, especially if they are the major wage earner of a family who is also living in a region of the country where cost of living is above average. So, is there a way to make the tax code fairer for them, as well as for those earning less than $50,000.

What if the tax code was to actually raise the taxes of those who are making a hefty $200,000 a year by a modest 2 percent, and for those earning more than $400,000 a year by 4%? This additional revenue for the government would make it affordable to decrease the tax burden for those in the $50,000 to $100,000 range so it equals what they would get under the Trump tax cuts. With this tweak, the plan proposed by Representative Ro Khanna would be fairer to all families making less than $100,000 a year while eliminating any increase in the national debt. That would put distinctly more buying power into the economy, thus a benefit for all–poor, middle, and rich alike. Include into the plan a $15 an hour minimum wage law, and the economy would dramatically improve the bottom line for businesses across the country because it would stimulate an increase in spending.

Despite the merits of a plan that would expand EITC, increase the minimum wage to $15 an hour, and make some additional tweaks for those earning from $50,000 to $100,000 a year some argue that increasing taxes for the rich while reducing taxes for the working non-rich would be unfair? To understand why actually it is very fair, we first have to understand the nature of “capital.”

The Nature of “Capital”

There are a few definitions of capital. Here, whenever I use the word, I am referring to property such as money, land, housing, and tools that people own that they do not require for their basic needs such as food, shelter, healthcare, and transportation to and from work. In our society this type of capital can be uniquely used to earn more capital without the necessity to do any labor. Rather than labor, capital earns more capital via rental properties and interests from other investments. The way our society is structured, it is only the rich that have a significant amount of capital.

Those who are in a significant portion of the middle class actually have to supplement their labor earnings by taking out loans to pay for their homes, cars, and post high school education. The interest that they pay on these loans go to financial institutions that the rich benefit by having investments in them.

Those who are in another significant segment of the middle class don’t have to take loans to pay for basic needs; their earnings from their labor just manage to cover those expenses. However, those in this segment have no money left over that can be considered capital.

Finally, those in another significant segment of the middle class find that after their earnings from their labor manages to pay for all of their basic needs, they do have a little money left over to save for their retirement, if they get injured, sick, or lose their job. What savings that they manage to put aside often increase from interest. Since this money is targeted for use to pay for basic needs in the future, it is not quite the same thing as the capital that the rich have.

In contrast to the middle class, the rich uniquely typically earn yearly, without the need to do any labor, more money from their capital than middle class people earn yearly through their labor. In fact, many rich folks earn yearly from their capital more money than middle class folks earn their entire lifetime.

Now, this difference between the type of earnings rich people have and middle class people don’t have is not something that we normally see in nature. Even a lion, said to be king of the forest, must labor to earn his basic needs. Thus, he has to exert himself to get food, and when he finishes eating the food that he labored to obtain, must then go out and exert himself to get more food.

The phenomenon of capital eliminates the requirement for rich people to labor in order to earn their basic needs. In fact, without labor, their capital most often keeps increasing, which is referred to as capital gains. So, even when the rich pay higher taxes then the middle class, they tend to live far more lavishly, only work if and when they want, and their capital continues to increase at no pains taken by them.

So, for those middle class folks who support the new US tax policy, I suggest that they take a good look at the YouTube video of the capuchin monkey who is throwing cucumber slices at the experimenter. Perhaps these middle class people can learn from the monkey a basic principle of fairness and equity.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

 

Categories
conflict resolution Depression Leo Tolstoy mental health concern model

Leo Tolstoy’s Experience With Depression

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today, let’s see if we can tie together some of the loose threads of my last post, which chronicled Joni Mitchell’s experience of depression. There we found that she explicitly rejected the idea that her experience indicated that she was mentally ill. Instead, she came to believe that, “Most of my best work came out of it. If you get rid of the demons and the disturbing things, then the angels fly off, too. There is the possibility, in the mire, of an epiphany.”

We also discussed that in contrast to Joni’s position is the medical model, which views people who experience depression as having an illness that requires, as the first line of treatment, taking pills that are called “antidepressants.”  Many who hold this view have absolutely no respect for people who hold the view expressed by Joni.

Upon publishing my post about Joni, one person that has impressed me over a period of time as being highly intelligent expressed a concern that attitudes like Joni’s will lead people to view depression as perfectly normal. The consequences of so doing, he feared, will lead to all of the efforts to increase access to mental health services getting flushed down the toilet. If depression is normal, why wouldn’t the majority of people decide to ignore this group of sufferers and their needs?

Well, in my opinion, this is a legitimate concern, and before this post draws to a conclusion I intend to address it. But first, let’s take a look at another example of someone who, like Joni Mitchell, came to believe that the experience of depression can be of enormous value.

Leo Tolstoy’s Experience

In his painfully personal book, My Confession, the great Russian writer Leo Tolstoy tells us about his two-year period of despair. At about the age of 50, his life had become “flat, more than flat: dead.”

“I felt that something had broken within me on which my life had always rested, that I had nothing left to hold on to, and that morally my life had stopped. An invincible force impelled me to get rid of my existence, in one way or another…. Behold me then … hiding the rope in order not to hang myself from the rafters of the room where every night I went to sleep alone; behold me no longer going shooting, lest I should yield to the too easy temptation of putting an end to myself with my gun.”

All of this took place at a time when Tolstoy’s outer circumstances seemed excellent.

“I had a good wife who loved me and whom I loved; good children and a large property which was increasing with no pains taken on my part. I was more respected by my kinsfolk and acquaintances than I had ever been; I was loaded with praise by strangers; and without exaggeration I could believe my name already famous.”

Tolstoy goes on to explain how his melancholy stimulated a gnawing questioning that eventually led to one insight after another. His trouble had not been with life in general, not with the common life of common men, but with the life of the upper, intellectual, artistic classes, the life that he had personally always led, the cerebral life, the life of conventionality, artificiality, and personal ambition. He had lived wrongly and had to change.

Then, one day in early spring, while he was alone in the forest listening to its mysterious noises, he was filled with a sense of deeper meaning. “After that,” he wrote, “things cleared up within me and about me better than ever, and the light has never wholly died away.”  According to Tolstoy, his suicidal feelings disappeared, and he went on to live a productive life until he passed away at the age of 82 of natural causes.

Some Thoughts on Tolstoy’s Experience

The great psychologist and philosopher William James was someone who viewed the pathologizing of human experience as simple minded and nothing more than superficial medical talk. Rather than resorting to mentally ill jargon, the good professor explained in his monumental book, Varieties of Religious Experience, his view of Tolstoy’s experience:

It was logically called for by the clash between his inner character and
his outer activities and aims. Although a literary artist, Tolstoy was
one of those primitive oaks of men to whom the superfluities and insincerities, the cupidities, complications, and cruelties of our polite civilization are profoundly unsatisfying, and for whom the eternal veracities lie with more natural and animal things. His crisis was the getting of his soul in order, the discovery of its genuine habitat and vocation, the escape from falsehoods into what for him were ways of truth. It was a case of heterogeneous personality tardily and slowly finding its unity and level.

Tolstoy’s anguishing experience appeared at first to come on him as if out of the blue. Later, Tolstoy came to understand it as having been due to living wrongly. Only by questioning deeply and repeatedly the meaning of his despair did he come to this understanding.

Now, with all of this as background information, let’s return to the concern that came up at the beginning of this post–if we don’t accept the medical model, might it provide a perfect justification for not funding mental health services?

In my view, the medical model actually gets in the way of adequately funding services.

Viewing someone in the midst of an anguishing experience as someone with an illness that is no different than any other illness leads many prescribing doctors to most often send the client home with some pills. That is viewed as sufficient. The patient is left with a host of negative side effects, and maybe in time, the patient will begin to feel better and attribute the improvement to the pills. If not, they go back to the doctor who will try adjusting the dose, trying a different pill, or adding other pills.

It is my view that even when people learn to value, even treasure, depression experiences, they don’t say that’s all there is to life. These experiences lead them to more deeply delve into their personal concerns thereby potentially leading them to seek more effective, efficient, economical, and beautiful ways to address their concerns.

Although Tolstoy did manage to successfully work out his most pressing concerns without professional help, keep in mind that he was an extraordinarily gifted person with a great deal of supportive people around him, and he was financially comfortable. Even with all of that, a well trained mental health service provider who avoided pathologizing his experience may have been of enormous help.

In my previous post, we saw that Joni Mitchell was not only experiencing the physical sensations of depression. Fully part of her experiences was to delve deeply into several concerns– “How am I going to get back in the saddle? And what about the audience? Would you still love me if you knew what I was really like?” She sought help from a psychotherapist.

As someone who provided mental health services for many years, let me present an example of what I am trying to get at.

Phil, not his real name, came to my office troubled about how depressed he had been feeling. After some time listening in a caring way to his concerns, I discussed this notion that depression can be viewed as a valued experience. He was pleased to learn this. At the same time, he didn’t in the slightest bit come to the conclusion that with this interpretation of the nature of depression there was no more need to continue to see me. However, I do think that framing depression as often a very valuable experience that many of our most gifted people put to good use was far more hopeful than framing it as due to defective genes.

Over the course of a year I found that the concerns Phil was most troubled about was his drinking, and that he had trouble developing close relationships. Both of these concerns are genuine health risk factors. My job was to help Phil to transform these risk factors to “health protective factors.” By doing so, this could prevent far more serious health issues down the line.

So we explored what was interfering with his developing close friends. It soon became apparent that he was very critical of people he met, and his style of criticizing was very nasty. For example, he would call people he disagreed with stupid in a very nasty way. And it also became apparent that he would criticize himself in the same disturbing manner.

I explored with Phil options that have been helpful to others. He selected learning to meditate, and to get more exercise in order to work off his anger in a positive, healthy manner. He learned the value of saying more supportive things to people he met, and to himself as well. He came to realize the value of minimizing the negative criticism that he provided, and when he did criticize, to do so in a far more charming manner. In the end, he made a new group of friends, joined AA, and was in a far more healthy state when my services came to an end.

So, as this example illustrates, rather than a mental illness model, in which pills are often viewed as sufficient, we can utilize a mental health concern model to advocate additional support for mental health services. With a mental health concern model, counselors and psychotherapists can be viewed as valued members of the allied health profession because they help to transform health risk factors into health protective factors.

The need for these types of mental health services, therefore, need not be reduced by framing depression as a valued experience. Rather, it allows us to move on from this understanding to advocate that our services fully address real mental health concerns.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Categories
conflict resolution Joni Mitchell Major Depression Disorder

Joni Mitchell’s Experience with Depression

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. From time to time I have been discussing two distinct ways of looking at the nature of depression–the medical model and what we may wish to refer to as the creative temperament view.

The medical model views people who experience depression as having an illness that requires, as the first line of treatment, taking pills that are called “antidepressants.” The enormously wealthy pharmaceutical industry puts its full promotional apparatus behind this approach.

The creative temperament view lacks the backing of any huge corporate interest, but news of it trickles in from a variety of sources. For example, those interested in the history of psychology may learn how the brilliant psychologist and philosopher William James viewed his “bass notes of experience” (see William James’s Personal Bout with a ‘Mental Illness). He wrote that many so called “healthy-minded” individuals believe that those who worry are “morbid-minded” and “diseased,” but it may very well be true that “the world’s meaning most comes home to us when we lay them most to heart.” He, himself, learned to appreciate these visits of melancholy as something of extraordinary value, and stated that,

there is no doubt that healthy-mindedness is inadequate as a philosophical doctrine, because the evil facts which it refuses positively to account for are a genuine portion of reality; and may after all be the best key to life’s significance, and possibly the only openers of our eyes to the deepest levels of truth.”

From there, James reviewed the biography of some of the most creative people in history, and noted that they often experienced depression.

Ms Laren Stover

Ms. Laren Stover

A more recent example of someone discussing depression in a manner consistent with the creative temperament view appeared in a New York Times article titled “The Case for Melancholy.” There we learn from American writer Laren Stover about her own personal experiences. After telling us of her weariness of all those folks on the internet promising to show us how to be delightfully happy in just a few short steps, she writes:

sadness 3“Whatever happened to experiencing the grace of melancholy, which requires reflection: a sort of mental steeping, like tea? What if all this cheerful advice only makes you feel inadequate? What if you were born morose?”

Laren continues to weave her creative images of melancholy with such words as:

sadness 2“Sadness has a bad reputation. But I soon came to feel that melancholy — the word itself is late Latin from the Greek melancholia — is a word with a romantic Old World ring, with a transient beauty like the ring around the moon.”

Most recently, I discovered a particularly revealing example of someone who experienced her depression in a manner similar to Prof Willam James and Ms. Stover.

Joni Mitchell’s Experience

Reckless Daughter, is a new biography of seven-time Grammy Award winner Joni Mitchell. Prior to reading it, I had already gotten a sense of Joni’s view of melancholy from her soulful rendition of her song “Hejira.” There she sings,

I’m sitting in some cafe
A defector from the petty wars
That shell shock love away
There’s comfort in melancholy
When there’s no need to explain
It’s just as natural as the weather
In the moody sky today

Now, having read the book, I found a clearer sense of this sensitive soul’s perspective.

In 1971, Joni released her album Blue, which, according to her biographer David Yaffe, deals with “the feeling underneath the tears, before the tears, the surge and power of heartbreak.” Although the success of the album might make you think she was thrilled, and perhaps there was some of that, but it was a time of a great depression. There must be more to life, she figured. How does she handle this?

“I bought every psychology book I could lay my hands on. Jung, Freud, theology, self help, psychiatry.” She ended up throwing them all against the wall. And then she was introduced to Nietzsche, and learned from him that to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.

She decided to spend some extensive alone time in nature along the beautiful coast of British Columbia. It was there that she discovered that “Depression can be the sand that makes the pearl…. Most of my best work came out of it. If you get rid of the demons and the disturbing things, then the angels fly off, too. There is the possibility, in the mire, of an epiphany.”

Concerns that she was dealing with were, “How am I going to get back in the saddle? And what about the audience? Would you still love me if you knew what I was really like?” And then, in the midst of all of these swirling heartfelt feelings, the words and music for her next album, For the Roses, began to flow through her soul.

An interesting characteristic of Joni is that she so values her melancholy that she doesn’t like it when someone tries to cheer her up. “If somebody’s dark and brooding, you’re better off brooding beside them,” she explains. “Don’t go acting cheerful. You’re just a reminder of what they’re not. They’ll hate you for it. The last thing you want is a cheerful person when you’re down like that.”

Of course, there is a great deal more to the life of Joni Mitchell. Nevertheless, I shall pause here, for I think I achieved my purpose of giving readers an added sense of the creative temperament view of depression. In one of her interviews that appears in Yaffe’s biography, Joni explicitly rejected the idea that she was mentally ill.

Was she wrong? Would she have been better off fully accepting the notion that she was suffering from a mental illness? Is her experience with depression really no different from diabetes, as many claim?

Certainly, there were times during which she experienced suffering. But just as suffering occurs as part of the process of giving birth, it can also be part of the process of giving life some deeper, truer meanings to this crazy, incredible experience we call life.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Categories
condolence calls conflict resolution Donald Trump White House Chief of Staff John Kelly

Trump’s Condolence Call: Was It Respectful?

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, a problematic condolence call from President Trump to a grieving soldier’s widow.

What Happened

Myeshia Johnson’s husband, Sgt. La David Johnson, died in an ambush in Niger on Oct. 4, 2017. Shortly afterwards, Mrs. Johnson received a condolence call from President Trump. Mrs. Johnson then told ABC news that the president struck a callous tone during their conversation–telling her, “He knew what he signed up for”–and that he repeatedly forgot her husband’s name.

Verifying what Mrs. Johnson heard was her long time friend, Frederica Wilson, a Texas congresswoman. Wilson was in the car with Mrs. Johnson when the president’s call came, and Mrs. Johnson chose to put the call on speaker mode so her friend could hear.

Upon hearing Wilson’s take on what happened, the president publicly derided her as “wacky” and called her account a “total lie.” In doing so, he indirectly said that the grieving widow had lied, since Wilson’s account of what happened matches what the widow said. Additionally, he publicly insulted the widow’s close friend.

So, at this point, in addition to grieving the loss of her husband, Mrs. Johnson began to also deal with the experience of hearing all of this being broadcast in front of the whole world. Then, the White House Chief of Staff John Kelly appears in the White House briefing room seeking to defend the president and clarify what had occurred.

Kelly, a former four-star general, began by describing in some detail what happens when US military personnel are killed in combat. As to phone calls, Kelly explained:

“Typically, the only phone calls a family receives are the most important phone calls they could imagine, and that is from their buddies. In my case, hours after my son was killed, his friends were calling us from Afghanistan, telling us what a great guy he was. Those are the only phone calls that really mattered.”

Kelly further explained that in these cases presidents typically write a letter, and he recommended to Trump that he not make calls because “it’s not the phone call that parents, family members are looking forward to.” Nevertheless, Trump elected to make phone calls in the cases of four young men who were killed in Niger. I note here that Trump also chose to politicize his calls by going before the national press to inform the public of his decision, and that former President Obama did not make such phone calls.

Kelly, during his White House briefing room speech, mentioned that once it was decided that these calls were going to be made, the following question came up between him and Trump:

“…how do you make these calls? If you’re not in the family, if you’ve never worn the uniform, if you’ve never been in combat, you can’t even imagine how to make that call….”

So Kelly offered his advice to Trump about what to say, explaining it this way:

Let me tell you what my best friend, Joe Dunford, told me — because he was my casualty officer [when my son was killed in action]. He said, Kel, he was doing exactly what he wanted to do when he was killed. He knew what he was getting into by joining that 1 percent. He knew what the possibilities were because we’re at war. And when he died, in the four cases we’re talking about, Niger, and my son’s case in Afghanistan — when he died, he was surrounded by the best men on this Earth: his friends.”

Then Kelly describes to his audience his view of what Trump said when he made the phone call to the grieving wife. As he does so, Kelly includes his own reaction to what he heard Congresswoman Wilson say about Trump’s call:

“That’s what the President tried to say to four families the other day. I was stunned when I came to work yesterday morning, and broken-hearted at what I saw a member of Congress doing. A member of Congress [Wilson] who listened in on a phone call from the President of the United States to a young wife, and in his way tried to express that opinion — that he’s a brave man, a fallen hero, he knew what he was getting himself into because he enlisted. There’s no reason to enlist; he enlisted. And he was where he wanted to be, exactly where he wanted to be, with exactly the people he wanted to be with when his life was taken.

“That was the message. That was the message that was transmitted.”

Now recall that Trump declared that what Wilson had said was a total lie. In Kelly’s description he actually verifies that Trump indeed said during his call to Mrs. Johnson that her husband knew what he signed up for. So Wilson’s statement had not been a total lie. Kelly was silent about whether or not Trump had had trouble recalling Mrs. Johnson’s husband’s name during the phone call.

At the White House briefing room, Kelly went on to say:

“It stuns me that a member of Congress [Wilson] would have listened in on that conversation. Absolutely stuns me. And I thought at least that was sacred….”

“And when I listened to this woman and what she was saying, and what she was doing on TV, the only thing I could do to collect my thoughts was to go and walk among the finest men and women on this Earth. And you can always find them because they’re in Arlington National Cemetery. I went over there for an hour-and-a-half, walked among the stones, some of whom I put there because they were doing what I told them to do when they were killed.”

Kelly finished up by further attacking Wilson, calling her an empty Barrel and falsely claiming she used a speech commemorating a building named for two fallen FBI agents to brag about her role in getting funds for the project. A video of the event shows that this did not happen, but Kelly, like his boss, Trump, has been refusing to apologize.

Commentary

Here I’ll make a few general comments about condolence calls, and then give my personal critique of how the president and his chief of staff handled this situation.

Condolence calls, in my opinion, are about paying one’s respect to the bereaved. This involves giving the bereaved a chance to express their grief and joy for having had the opportunity to share a life together. For the person who is mourning, it is very important to know there are people who are supportive of what they are going through. So the condolence call lets those in the family, and others particularly close to the deceased, know you are thinking about them in their time of need. It also gives you an opportunity to share in that grief.

The general format of what to say is something like this, “I am truly sorry for your loss.” Then we listen in a caring manner.

It is often nice to say something like, “I really respect your husband’s contributions to our community” and then mention a specific example or two. Another nice thing to add is something like, “He was a wonderful friend to me, helping me during times of need, and I’ll never forget his kindness.”

Upon making such comments, the bereaved party may often make some replies, and here again, listening in a caring manner is crucial. The main focus is on a caring tone, and saying things that you feel would be helpful to the bereaved, while avoiding attacking the bereaved for any perceived transgressions.

Now, there are times when the bereaved, being in such a low state, may lash out in anger if he or she thinks you might have had anything to do with the death. Sometimes the accusations are unfair. I remember when the family cat died in my household. My son was ten-years old and he saw me and my wife as the heads of the household and therefore we should have done something to prevent the cat’s death. Our son angrily yelled at me. In my opinion, this is not the time to dispute such claims, but rather, to listen and sympathize. There will be opportunities to discuss in a reasonable manner what might have been done differently after the mourning period is over. Counterattacking the person doing the blaming will only make a difficult situation much worse.

Another example of this occurred when then President George W. Bush met the families of slain soldiers. Some screamed at him and blamed him for their deaths. Bush stood and took it, holding them and weeping with them. Despite those verbal attacks occurring in a public setting, he never tried to defend himself by insulting any of the family members.

Now, if you will, contrast what I wrote above with what Trump and Kelly did.

Although we did not personally hear what was said during the phone call, afterwards, Mrs. Johnson made it clear that she did not find what the president said on the phone helpful. Rather than attacking her and her friend as lying, I think Trump and Kelly, after taking some time to calm down from what they perceived as negative criticism, would have done far better to ask themselves why she might have reacted as she had.

I think what seems fairly evident to me is that Kelly and Trump botched things when they thought that the grieving wife would somehow be comforted by a statement that her husband “knew what he signed up for.” We can plainly see why Trump and Kelly might be comforted by such a statement if they were to get a condolence call in a similar situation. The reason why is revealed by Kelly when he said at the White House briefing,

“I went over there [to Arlington National Cemetery] for an hour-and-a-half, walked among the stones, some of whom I put there because they were doing what I told them to do when they were killed.”

As a general who has considerable responsibility for sending soldiers into conditions in which some end up dying, and as a president who has the ultimate responsibility for what the military does, a statement like “he knew what he signed up for” can salve any guilt such people may have deep inside for the death of military personnel. But for a bereaved wife, such a statement does not hold the same value, and can rather serve as an attempt to make excuses for the decision makers who are perceived as having some of the responsibility for sending her husband into a situation that ended in death. Making such excuses at a time of what was supposed to be a condolence call could come off as disrespectful.

Another miscalculation, in my opinion, came when Kelly took great offense that Mrs. Johnson chose to put her phone on speaker mode when Trump made the call to her. Framing it as violating something sacred seems to me as rather puzzling. Where did Kelly get this principle that it is somehow sacred for a grieving woman to not share a president’s call with others? This is certainly not anything I, or anyone else that I talked with, ever heard of. Rather than becoming angry about some unheard of principle of sacredness, it seems far more plausible that he was actually incensed that there was a witness to the call that didn’t go down very well.

Getting back to Trump’s reaction to all of this, I think he would have done much better if rather than getting defensive and insulting Mrs. Johnson and her friend, he simply said something like,

I understand that Mrs. Johnson took offense at what I said when I made the phone call to her and how I said some things. I sincerely apologize for I only meant to pay my respect to her and her family and to let her know that all Americans honor her husband’s service to his country. 

Another thing that I would have also done is to let the public know that in order to better handle these types of situations I shall be inviting a large group of Gold Star family members to the White House to confer with them on their views about what is the best way for US presidents to respond whenever loved ones die in combat. After all, paying one’s respect to Gold Star families should not be about what the president views as helpful, but rather what the family members view as helpful.

Finally, from the personal perspective of this writer, Trump’s effort to make the condolence calls a way to make political points by saying Obama didn’t make such phone calls failed miserably to achieve its purpose.

Well, those are some of my thoughts about this very sensitive situation. I hope they provide some ideas worth considering. Until next time, may you all have a healthy, productive week.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Categories
conflict resolution Uncategorized

Twenty-Six Killed and We Grieve Once More

On Sunday, November 5, 2017, I sat down in front of my computer to write this week’s blog post. Just as I put my fingers on my computer keyboard, a  little message popped up in the lower right hand screen of my monitor. I glanced over to see that at a Texas church in the small town of Sutherland Springs numerous people had been shot and over twenty had died.

Instantly, I thought back to the first time I was writing a blog post and was stopped in my tracks by a message of a mass killing. That one had the heading, Elementary School Shooting: 20 Children Dead.

I remember, moments later, I was sitting in front of my TV screen watching the gut-wrenching images.

At one point, a camera showed a young woman who may have been one of the mothers whose child was killed.  The anguish and horror on her face as she listened on a cellphone led to tears streaming down my face.

It was sometime afterwards when I saw on news feeds images of the parents of the children who were killed tearfully walking through the halls of Congress pleading its leaders to take some reasonable action on gun control. Under heavy pressure from the gun lobby, national lawmakers chose to express sympathy to the parents while refusing their pleas.

Since then, we have had additional mass shootings including:

San Bernardino
14 killed

Pulse night club
49 killed

Charleston Church
9 Killed

The Harvest Music Festival, Las Vegas 
58 killed

The Las Vegas killing was particularly deadly because of the shooter turning his assault rifle into a weapon that dramatically increases its number of shots per second with the use of a device called a bump stock. When shortly after the October 1, 2017 shooting occurred, the issue of banning the sale of bump stocks was brought up. The majority of our congressional leaders cried out that it was an outrage to bring up this political issue so close to the shooting. It is now over a month since that shooting, and though the state of Massachusetts has had time to ban the sale of this device, our national government leaders continue to do nothing. Bump stocks are currently available online.

So, we, as a nation, grieve once more.

I feel an urgency to write something that can be constructive in some way. And yet, at this point in time, to present something clearly useful is beyond me. The best that I have at this moment is to share the grief and to search within for some way to prevent such horrors in the future.

In our culture of way too much violence, it has been my calling to discuss ways to deal with insults, anger, conflict and respect. My resolve has been amplified by this terribly gruesome incident in Texas. I will have to take a few days off after writing this to allow myself to get through all of the struggling feelings that these events produce within my soul. And then, I’m determined to get back to doing my small part in trying to teach less violent, and yet far more powerful, ways to resolve our life problems.

Until then, may we all find some ways to bring some peace and goodwill into the world.

My Best,

Jeff

Categories
conflict resolution Family Meetings Parenting skills

Improve Parenting with Family Meetings

Welcome to From Insults to Respect. 

From time to time, I like to provide posts that offer some suggestions derived from my parenting course, “How to Discipline Your Children and Have Them Still Like You.” criticismFor example, in one such post (see HERE), I explain how to teach children to deal effectively with criticism. In another (see HERE), I provide child discipline suggestions made by William James, one of the greatest thinkers America has ever produced.

Reacting to these posts, many parents and grandparents have asked for some additional advice about how to handle certain challenging situations. So today I provide a little parable that describes a family that uses weekly family meetings to deal with their discipline challenges, and then I highlight some of the main themes the parable is designed to illustrate.

The Anderson Family Parable

“I want!” cries three-year old Ivy as her mother, Hanna, wheels her in the half-filled grocery cart down the cereal aisle of their grocery store.

Looking at the box of Sugar Smacks that Ivy is pointing to, Hanna declares that the cereal has too much sugar and resumes walking.

Upon seeing her mother passing by the Sugar Smacks, Ivy again cries out even louder, “I want!” Her face is turning red while squirming to get out of the cart.

Hanna, positioning Ivy back into her cart seat, softly tries to explain that the cereal has too much sugar and so it is not a healthy choice for Ivy, but Ivy responds by exploding into a full scale tantrum. A woman a few feet away, scrunches up her face in distress. Hanna, noticing this, quickly heads for the service section of the store, and even though there are two people in line before her, she calls out to the person behind the counter, “Please watch my grocery cart until I can take care of my child.”

The person behind the counter nods as Hanna pulls Ivy from the cart and carries her to the grocery store’s exit. She then takes Ivy several yards from the entry of the store so Ivy’s screaming won’t be bothersome to the goings and comings at the store. Then Hanna listens sympathetically to Ivy who yells that she saw the kids on her TV show eating the cereal and they loved it. They didn’t get sick eating it so she wants it.

Hanna, in a caring tone of voice repeats what Ivy just said. She then says she understands that TV shows make certain foods look a lot better than they are so people will buy it. “I love you and I have to make sure you eat only the most healthy foods so you stay healthy.”

“I want it!!!” screams Ivy, and she continues to scream for another five minutes while Hanna provide’s Ivy a sympathetic ear. And then, slowly, Ivy begins to quiet down. When the tantrum has run its course, Hanna asks Ivy if she’s ready to go back into the store.

“No!” cries Ivy.

“OK,” says Hanna. “We’ll wait until you are ready.”

About a minute later, Ivy takes her mother’s hand and leads her back into the store. The rest of the shopping experience goes by without any further disruptions.

Two days later, it is time for the family meeting of Hanna, her husband, Aaron, and their two children, Ivy and Joel. Joel is a couple of years older than his little sister, and has recently started kindergarten. Their family meeting occurs during the evening meal.

“Well,” says Aaron, “another week has gone by, so it is time to have another family meeting. We have these meetings because we love each other and we want to celebrate things that are going well for the family and we also want to figure out ways to solve problems so things keep getting better and better.”

“I want to celebrate,” says Hanna, “what a great job Ivy did at the supermarket a couple of days ago. She wanted some cereal, and although she got upset at first, after she calmed down we went back in the store and we had a very good time finishing the shopping. Great job, Ivy!” And with this, Hanna patted Ivy on her shoulder. Ivy smiles. 

“Great job!” says Aaron, and he too pats Hanna on her shoulder. Then he looks over at Joel, and says, “Don’t you think Hanna did a great job?”

“I guess so,” says Joel, but not with the enthusiasm his parents would have liked.

“I like the way Joel and I played catch before dinner tonight,” says Aaron. “I was throwing these high flies to him, and he caught almost every one!” 

Joel beams as his dad is saying these words. 

“I want to play catch, too,” says Ivy. 

“OK,” says Aaron. “After supper I’ll get the bean bag and we’ll work on that.”

“Is there anything else that you liked that happened this week?” says Hanna to the whole family.

“I like that you took us for ice cream,” says Ivy.

“Me too,” says Joel.

“Are there any problems that we need to work on?” asks Aaron.

“Yeah, Dad,” Joel replies. Last night you yelled at me when it was time to go to bed. That’s not very respectful.”

“You don’t like to get yelled at,” Aaron replies.

“No,” says Joel. “You always say we should treat each other respectfully, and yelling is not respectful.”

“I see,” says Joel. “I don’t like it when someone yells at me either. When I yelled, I told you it was time for bed and you ignored me.”

“I didn’t ignore you. I told you I would get ready as soon as I finished my game.”

“OK. It felt like you ignored me, but you are right, you did say that. I want you to go to bed on time so you stay healthy and do your best at school.”

“That doesn’t mean you should yell at me.”

“What would be a better way for me to deal with this type of problem?”

“You should let me finish my game.”

“Well, some of your games go on and on, and you’ll end up going to bed too late. The computer game that you were playing doesn’t really have an end; it just keeps going.”

“At least let me get to the next board in that game. It won’t take long.”

Aaron thinks about this for a few seconds. Joel usually finishes a board in about five minutes. What I can do is give Joel a five-minute warning before it’s time to go to bed and see if that works out.

“OK, Joel. I’ll give you a five-minute warning before it’s time to head up to bed. Does that make sense?”

“Well, even then, I don’t think you should yell at me if I need a little more time.”

“What should I do instead if you are not heading up to bed after five minutes?”

“Just remind me again without yelling, Dad.”

“OK, this week we’ll give your plan a try and we’ll discuss how well it worked at the next family meeting.”

At the next meeting, Aaron mentioned that he thought Joel’s plan worked well, and patted him on the shoulder. Then he asked Joel if he thought it went well.

“You didn’t yell, but Mom did.”

“I yelled?” Hannah replied in a concerned, but soft voice. “When?”

“At the restaurant when I couldn’t decide what I wanted to order.”

“Oh, everyone was very hungry, Joel, and you were just sitting there. At some point you have to decide. We can’t just sit there all night. Besides, I didn’t yell. I was a little frustrated, and my voice did get a little louder, but there’s a difference between yelling and expressing a little frustration.”

“It still felt like you weren’t treating me respectfully, Mom!” 

“Well, Joel, I don’t like it either when people raise their voice at me even a little. But I think if it’s just a little louder, maybe we should let it slide. We sometimes are unhappy about what is happening and to express those feelings may be something we might want to accept by those we love without making a big deal of it. What do you think about this, Aaron?”

“I think we should try to be as respectful as we can, but showing some feelings when we are frustrated, maybe that’s something we should learn to accept. We are only human, and human’s have feelings.”

“How about this week we just watch for times we get frustrated, and how we act at such times, and next week we’ll discuss this topic further?” says Hanna.

Everyone agrees.

Discussion

The above parable tries to indicate how family meetings can work to help solve discipline problems. These meetings tend to go much better if the parents have spent some time teaching their children how to maturely respond to and provide criticism.

In the parable, when Hanna brings up the supermarket problem, instead of framing it as Ivy being bad in the supermarket for having a temper tantrum, she instead framed it as a success. She focusses on Ivy calming down and how afterwards the rest of the shopping experience was pleasant. Then she and her husband patted Ivy on her shoulder to celebrate a success. This is an important parenting skill worth learning.

The parable also illustrates how parents can involve a child in coming up with a plan to solve a problem. I suggest that even if the parents think there may be some weakness of the plan, it is usually worth giving it a try for a week. Then, when the problems of the plan really occur, it can be discussed at the next meeting. Oftentimes, because the child is so intent on proving his or her plan is a good one, he or she makes it work well.

In the plan that Joel came up with to deal with his dad’s yelling, it worked well for getting him to bed on time. Nevertheless, Joel was still upset about his mom raising her voice at the restaurant because he couldn’t make up his mind what to order. Here, Hanna tries to make a distinction between yelling and expressing some frustration by talking a little louder. Although she recognizes that she doesn’t like it when others raise their voice to express their frustration at her, she expresses a concern that people do have feelings that they want to express among family members. How do you balance this with the desire to also be respectful to family members? Rather than to decide on this issue right then, the family decides to be mindful of how this occurs in the family over the course of the week and then to discuss it further at their next family meeting. This is one of the wonderful aspects of the family meetings. It is a growing experience that deals with problems not when folks are all riled up and angry, instead, during pleasant family time.

Family meetings help to build:

  • Listening skills
  • Brainstorming skills
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Mutual respect
  • An understanding of the value of cooling off before solving a problem
  • Concern for others
  • Cooperation
  • Respectful behavior patterns

Well, there you have it, some ideas about how to use family meetings to deal with the parenting problems that typically occur. I hope you find them helpful.

For those of you who have some experience using family meetings, please let us know how they have been going. Thanks for stopping by, and may all of your discipline problems be handled with love and respect.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on.  This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.