Welcome to From Insults To Respect.

Today’s topic is about bragging, and how it might interfere with the amount of respect a person earns. The topic brings up some subtle issues because although bragging may hurt a person’s reputation, at the same time, there are situations in which there is some value in standing up for yourself and promoting the qualities that you possess. How do you do this without just coming off as a braggart, blowhard, or bigmouth?

While working on this post, I happened to be listening to Bob Dylan’s song, “False Profit,” which appears on his new album, Rough and Rowdy Ways. A couple of its lines suddenly caught my attention:

I’m first among equals,
Second to none.

As I listened more intently to the rest of the song, it struck me as an intriguing way to enter into this bragging discussion. So, let’s see what becomes of this.

Bragging and Bob’s “False Prophet” Song

Bob’s lyrics leave a lot to each listener’s imagination, which is true of many of his songs. Therefore, I don’t mean to suggest my interpretation of “False Prophet” is the only proper one. But I humbly invite you to join me to to see if my very personal reaction might be of value.

In a down and dirty Muddy Waters blues style, Bob expresses his emotions about being accused of being a false prophet. The lyrics begin:

Another day that don’t end
Another ship goin’ out
Another day of anger, bitterness, and doubt
I know how it happened
I saw it begin
I opened my heart to the world and the world came in

These lines returned me to when Bob began his musical career. Taken by his songs that so captured the pulse of events that were unfolding during the 1960s, some began to say he was a prophet. There are several definitions of a prophet, so let’s take a quick look at them:

A person regarded as an inspired teacher or proclaimer of the will of God.

A person who advocates or speaks in a visionary way about a new belief, cause, or theory.

A person who makes or claims to be able to make predictions.

When Bob was asked in a 1965 interview about those who were saying he was a prophet, he laughed and said humbly, “I’m just a song and dance man.” But this didn’t stop many who began to treat him as a kind of holy messenger, and some with this bent of mind began showing up at his home as if they were participating in a religious pilgrimage. Bob tried to disabuse people of such notions, but at the same time, he wanted to promote his career, and to express his emotions, feelings, and personal views in his musical art form.

When Bob shifted from a folk music style to include in his repertoire some rock music, it led to outrage by some of his earliest fans, and accusations that he was a false prophet. Being thus accused, when he never even claimed to be any kind of prophet, it apparently has angered him, and this song expresses these feelings.

The next verse makes reference to a couple of girls that were Bob’s guide to the underworld, an offhand way, I think, of humbly admitting he hasn’t always acted like a perfect angel. And then Bob sings, still with anger,

Well I’m the enemy of treason
Enemy of strife
I’m the enemy of the unlived meaningless life
I ain’t no false prophet
I just know what I know
I go where only the lonely can go

These lines delineate some of the values that Bob has railed against, and upon revealing them in his songs, it has led to his being attacked, and such attacks has led him to go to a very lonely place. It seems to me, in this verse, Bob doesn’t claim to have prophetic powers for the values that he holds, rather, he tells us, “I just know what I know.”

The next stanza goes:

I’m first among equals
Second to none
The last of the best
You can bury the rest
Bury ’em naked with their silver and gold
Put them six feet under and I pray for their souls

Here, Bob seems to be saying, “I’m not claiming to be better than anyone else, but I am claiming no one is inherently better than me. And people who do claim to be better than me, are greedy, and when they die and get buried, I prays for their souls.”

Now, let’s turn our attention to the next stanza:

What are you lookin’ at?
There’s nothing to see
Just a cool breeze that’s encircling me
Let’s go for a walk in the garden
So far and so wide
We can sit in the shade by the fountain-side

My interpretation of these lines is that for those claiming he is a false prophet, they are seeing something that really doesn’t exist. He then tries to cool their anger, and perhaps his own anger as well, with the calming imagery of a cool breeze and some pleasant experiences in a garden.

In the rest of the song, Bob tells us he is a searcher of meaning and of love, and throughout this search, he has had to face experiences that feel like climbing “a mountain of swords on my bare feet.”

At one point in the song he suggests that rather than looking at him as either a prophet or a false prophet, people might want to look up where “the city of God is there on the hill.”

In listening to the song, some might get the impression that Bob is one angry dude. Those who are a follower of his career well know there are a rich variety of emotions and moods to his art, which he emphasizes in his song titled, “I Contain Multitudes.” Give a listen to his tender song, “Girl From the North Country” as an example of Bob expressing feelings that are in utter contrast to the angry fellow we hear in “False Prophet.”

Now during Bob’s career, he has had an incredible amount of accolades that many a fellow might be tempted to brag about. Examples are, 11 Grammys, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and the Nobel Prize In Literature. As a follower of his career, I’ve never heard anything from him that even remotely comes off as bragging. The tone that Bob took, upon accepting the Nobel Prize perhaps best reveals his reaction to such accolades:

Good evening, everyone. I extend my warmest greetings to the members of the Swedish Academy and to all of the other distinguished guests in attendance tonight.

I’m sorry I can’t be with you in person, but please know that I am most definitely with you in spirit and honored to be receiving such a prestigious prize. Being awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature is something I never could have imagined or seen coming. From an early age, I’ve been familiar with and reading and absorbing the works of those who were deemed worthy of such a distinction: Kipling, Shaw, Thomas Mann, Pearl Buck, Albert Camus, Hemingway. These giants of literature whose works are taught in the schoolroom, housed in libraries around the world and spoken of in reverent tones have always made a deep impression. That I now join the names on such a list is truly beyond words.

Bob went on from there, to explain that, “If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I’d have about the same odds as standing on the moon.”

So, there you have it, an illustration of someone dealing with the issue of bragging versus positive self-promotion. It was not designed to suggest that Bob did everything perfect when it came to avoiding negative self-promotion; rather, it just sought to bring up in an entertaining manner some relevant issues.

Before moving on, let’s keep in mind a few points that this section did illustrate. When some people claimed Bob is some fantastic spiritual leader, he tried to bring them down to Earth. He has admitted he has not always been an angel in every way. He has revealed that as he struggled in life to find his way, he has had his share of suffering. He let the quality of his work speak for itself. When others showed an appreciation for his work, he expressed his appreciation for being honored.

A More General Discussion of Bragging Versus Helpful Self-Promotion

This is a tricky topic as the following abstract from a peer reviewed research article explains:

People engage in self-promotional behavior because they want others to hold favorable images of them. Self-promotion, however, entails a trade-off between conveying one’s positive attributes and being seen as bragging. We propose that people get this trade-off wrong because they erroneously project their own feelings onto their interaction partners. As a consequence, people overestimate the extent to which recipients of their self-promotion will feel proud of and happy for them, and underestimate the extent to which recipients will feel annoyed (Experiments 1 and 2). Because people tend to promote themselves excessively when trying to make a favorable impression on others, such efforts often backfire, causing targets of self-promotion to view self-promoters as less likeable and as braggarts (Experiment 3).

To the degree that these experimental findings might provide an accurate picture of what we all face in interpersonal relationships, what practical steps might we take to enhance the respect we desire from others? Here, I humbly offer some suggestions for your consideration. In offering them, I’m not claiming they come with the backing of solid research findings, or that they are infallible rules passed on to me from up on high. Instead, they are just some ideas I’ve accumulated over the years from some people I respect, and my own personal observations.

Because bragging is rarely viewed as a positive characteristic, in general, I recommend that anytime you are tempted to reveal some information about one of your fine accomplishments or attributes, pause for a few seconds. During the pause, ask yourself how your statement might be received.

During a job interview, those doing the hiring certainly will be interested in anything about you that might be of value for the specific job you are applying for. In such situations, consider letting your recommendations and resume speak to your relevant fine attributes and accomplishments, and hold off on your self-promotion comments until being specifically asked about them. Perhaps it is best to stick to highlighting just your skills that can be helpful to your prospective employer, rather than going on and on, for example, about what a great bowler you are.

There are times when you are with some fairly self-assured friends. A sharing among such friends about accomplishments, and participating in rejoicing together in celebration of a new success can be wonderful. That said, from time to time, ask yourself, “Is my sharing being used to dominate, or is it mutually empowering?” “Is it designed to make myself look better than someone else in the group?” “Do I share with these group members, not just my successes, but the times I messed up?” “Do I readily admit my foibles as well as my successes?” Thinking about such questions hold promise for maintaining respectful relationships.

What Can You Do When Someone You Know Brags So Much It Is Annoying?

There are people you will meet who claim everything they do is perfect, even better than perfect, just stupendously superb. This can get pretty tiresome, and if the person doing the bragging is someone you care about, it can be hurting her or his reputation.

Of course you can excuse yourself, and walk off. However, sometimes the person bragging might have some redeeming characteristics that keeps you from such an easy course of action. You might think to yourself, “If I could get this person to cut out the incessant bragging, I could really enjoy and benefit from this relationship. Here are a few things to try.

Andrea F. Polard, Psy.D., in a Psychology Today article on this topic (see HERE), suggests:

Braggers are just like everybody else; they don’t like it when other people brag. So go ahead and brag a little yourself. Then, as if struck by divine intervention, excuse yourself and say something to the effect of, “Oh, I guess I have been bragging. You know what, let’s not do that. It only makes other people feel bad.”

I’d be a little nervous trying this one. I’m pretty sure some will see through the subterfuge and recognize I’ve tired of the person blowing her or his own horn.

Another of Dr. Polard’s suggestions is:

At an opportune time (which is almost any time), ask if the person knows a particular person (a celebrity will do) and share how you’d like that individual more if it weren’t for her constant boasting. Ask your bragger if she or he feels the same way about anyone.

Hmmm. I kinda feel this one might have some merit.

With these types of indirect approaches, there is the hope that the bragger will get the hint. If not, what about using a direct approach, and say something like, “You know, Fred, I sure like you, it’s fun hanging out with you most of the time. The few times when you go on about a fine accomplishment it feels somehow uncomfortable to me?”

Risky? To some degree. You may lose a relationship that you may not wish to give up. On the other hand, you might be doing the person you are criticizing a favor. If such bragging is annoying you, it very well may be annoying others. Such feedback may enhance the respect this person obtains.

Well, there you have it, some thoughts on bragging and positive self-promotion. I hope you found some of the ideas worth considering

Until you join us again here at From Insults to Respect, please stay safe.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.