Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

As I write this post, Election Day, with all of its turbulence, has now passed us by. Perhaps now is a good time for us to take some deep calming breaths and reflect on all that transpired.

Along this line, I’m thinking it would be a useful exercise at this point if we attempted to integrate what we have learned from this blog about the nature of respect with what we know about President Trump’s style of conducting himself. After all, the president is someone we all got to know pretty well. Couple this with the swirling controversy around the man, which can be readily seen in a recent article by the Herald News titled, “Trump continues to show a lack of respect for America.” The first paragraph reads,

We knew beyond doubt that our president was an inveterate liar, a business cheat, and a bully, but the debate last week proved that he refuses to adhere to any rules, even those upon which he has himself agreed. Those who counted say he interrupted 71 times in 90 minutes. That should not come as a surprise, since he does not appear to respect any of the laws that everyone else is expected to obey, including our Constitution. Talk about a lack of law and order.

Such statements clearly arouse powerful emotions for many, and it just so happens that learning exercises tend to be particularly memorable when strong emotions are aroused. Exercises that skillfully utilize this arousal tend to be processed at a much deeper level than those utilizing ho hum examples. So, if you will, let’s see where such an exercise might lead.

We’ll begin with a look at how Trump’s statements that run counter to principles of science might influence how much respect others have for him. Then we’ll rate how much respect he earns from the way he responds to criticism and provides criticism. Finally, we’ll rate his level of respect for displaying several other behavior styles. Although, admittedly, there is a degree of subjectivity to this exercise, going through it will help to clarify for all readers their own understanding of the nature of respect.

Respect and Trump’s Statements Related to Science

Whenever I write a new post, I come up with a tentative title, and then, not wanting to use it if others had, I put it in the Google search engine to find out. When I did this for this post’s title, “Trump and Respect,” I was pleased to see nothing came up with that title. At the same time, as expected, my search found articles and books that are somewhat related to this topic. The first two were articles that expressed serious concerns about Trump not respecting science. The argument that was put forth for this proposition has to do with Trump’s statements regarding the environment and handling the pandemic.

Trump on the Environment

With regard to the environment issue, Trump has repeatedly claimed scientists are perpetuating a hoax when they tell us that urgent action is needed to transition from fossil fuels to renewable sources of energy such as wind and solar. My guess is that rather than really believing this is a hoax, Trump promoted it because of how crucial he viewed winning Pennsylvania was for his chances to be elected.

The Keystone State obtains huge economic benefits from its fracking industry, which is a technique that draws the fossil fuel of natural gas from deep below the Earth’s surface. To move forward on a transition plan threatens the livelihood of many state citizens, and consequently, anyone supporting such a plan risks losing a significant number of votes.

I will explain my reasons for this guess shortly, but let’s just pretend, for the benefit of this exercise, that it is true that Trump does respect science but his desire to hold onto the presidency is of greater importance to him. If you were convinced that Trump chose holding on to the presidency over protecting the health and safety of human beings by avoiding further damage to the environment, would that influence how much respect you have for him? How much would it influence you?

Trump on the Pandemic

In the articles that I came upon in my search, much of the argument that claims Trump does not respect science comes from his statements that contradicted or undermined the  pandemic recommendations from science experts within and outside his own administration. Also, in complete contradiction to scientific evidence, he has repeatedly told the American people that the end of the virus’s spread was just around the corner, and continued to do so even as it was increasingly plain to all that the virus was spreading at alarming rates. Nevertheless, as I indicated in the previous section, I doubt that these public statements of Trump are really indicative of his true feelings. Here’s why.

First of all, on Bob Woodward’s tape recordings, Trump repeatedly admitted, based on the information he received from his expert scientists, just how deadly and contagious the virus is. Thus, on February 7 he told Woodward the disease is “deadly stuff.” In an April 5 interview with Woodward, Trump explained, “It moves rapidly, Bob. It moves rapidly and viciously. If you’re the wrong person and if it gets you, your life is pretty much over if you’re in the wrong group.” During his April 13 interview with Woodward, Trump told the journalist that the virus is “so easily transmissible, you wouldn’t even believe it.”

Couple these statements that had relied on his scientific experts, with two more sets of facts. Trump threw his full support behind developing a vaccine, which relies on scientists using the principles of science. When he came down with the virus, he checked into a hospital that provided him with the most scientifically supported treatments.

So, despite his public posture of a cavalier attitude that played down the risk, there is ample evidence that Trump well respects the scientific evidence. The two most plausible reasons for his public posture are, that he was trying to protect his own financial interest, and he assessed the attitudes about the pandemic from his most ardent supporters whom he could not afford to lose in his bid for reelection.

With regard to his financial interests, it is well known that Trump is heavily invested in hotels around the world. When Trump heard about the pandemic from his advisors, when he asked about what needed to be done to contain it, he was told that the public has to stay home and only leave their homes for absolutely essential reasons. This is not at all good news for someone in Trump’s financial situation. And keep in mind, he has repeatedly faced bankruptcy, a pretty awful experience, especially for someone who hates the image of a loser.

Although Trump claims he has been playing down the seriousness of the virus because he doesn’t want to cause a panic, this is implausible.  If he was in a reasonable state of mind, he would have known the general public would hear from plenty of experts an accurate account of the risks that are involved.

Even though by now, Trump must know that most of the general public are well aware of the serious risks of this pandemic, he continues to play down the risk. The most plausible reason to me is because many of his base supporters delight in claiming the news is fake. We see them at his rallies throwing up their arms in jubilation each time he mentions the “awful lying fake media.” Many of them, just like him, are in denial about the dangers of the pandemic because a full shut down of nonessential businesses has terrible consequences for their own businesses, and the thought of not partying at bars is, to them, completely unacceptable.

Respect and Trump’s Style of Responding to Criticism

For this part of today’s exercise, I’d like you to rate Trump’s style of responding to criticism. To help guide you in coming up with your rating, below is one model that describes five different responding to criticism styles. I put them in order from the least respected to the most respected. Each higher level is viewed as more mature, likable, and respected by a wide group of individuals who watched video recordings depicting different people displaying the five different styles.

In coming up with your own rating, you need not rely on these five descriptors, but in considering them, it will help to clarify in your own mind what you respect when it comes to responding to criticism.  Let’s take a look at these five levels.

Five Levels of Responding to Criticism

1.  This level requires displaying one or more of the following:

• Weeps or sobs with tears or pouts without using any of the higher level skills
• Physically attacks the criticizer
• Damages property

2.  This level requires displaying one or more of the following:

• Insults the criticizer (either with words, hand gestures, the sticking out of a tongue, the rolling of the eyes, or smirks)
• Glares at the criticizer
• Threatens the criticizer
• Punches, kicks, or throws an object without physically hurting someone or damaging anything
• Criticizes the criticizer without first fully addressing the original criticism.
  

3.  This level requires displaying one or both of the following:

• Displays defensiveness without directly insulting the criticizer (raising voice’s volume or pitch)
• Displays a lack of interest either by verbally indicating this, or with nonverbal cues, or complete silence. 

4.  Level 4 individuals listen to the criticizer in a supportive, warm, friendly style, and then make it clear that they fully understand what was said.  Moreover, they put the criticizer at ease by making statements that indicate that the wise learn from criticism.  Some time is spent on showing that they are thinking about the criticism.  If, after thinking about the criticism the criticism is deemed to be correct, they make a statement frankly indicating, “I can see your ideas have merit and I intend to use them in the future.”  If they are not sure if they agree, they make a statement indicating that they are very interested in what was said, plan to think a little more about this over the next few days and then they will be ready to discuss this further.  If, after thinking about the criticism, the criticism is deemed to be incorrect, a statement is made designed to disagree without being disagreeable.  More specifically, a sense of humor, some listening in a caring way and a few smiles help to traverse rough terrain.  As the episode winds down, the criticizer is encouraged to feel comfortable communicating suggestions in the future.

5.  In addition to actions consistent with level 4, people responding to criticism in a manner consistent with level 5 seek ways to use, whenever they disagree with the criticism, a technique known as steering in the direction the criticizer would prefer to go.  That is, rather than just disagreeing without being disagreeable, the criticized person seeks to find a new choice of action that creatively utilizes some aspect suggested from the criticism.  Steering cannot be incorporated into all situations, but it is an additional goal of the most mature individuals.

Now that you looked these five levels over, what level do you think best matches Trump’s style?

Respect and Trump’s Style of Providing Criticism

For this part of today’s exercise, I’d like you to rate Trump’s style of providing criticism. As I did when I asked you to rate his style of responding to criticism, to help guide you in coming up with your rating, below is one model that describes five different styles placed in order from the least respected to the most respected.

1. This level requires displaying one or more of the following:

• Cries without stating what the crying is about
• Physically attacks the person being criticized
• Damages property
  

Although these three descriptors may not sound like providing criticism, in some situations we can see that it is the very beginning of the development of this skill.  Let’s say Jill takes baby Bob’s crayon away believing he is done with it.  Bob begins to cry and takes a swipe at Jill.  She manages, by moving away, to avoid Bob’s swipe. Bob now looks even angrier and crumbles up a piece of paper and flings it on the floor.  An observer to this may conclude that Bob, in a sense, is criticizing Jill for taking the crayon.   

   2.  This level requires displaying one or both of the following:

• The criticizer does not explain what the offending behavior is, but instead expresses displeasure with glares, insults, shouting, silence, or threats that do not involve bodily harm. (For example, someone might be making too much noise and the criticizer might turn to the noise maker and glare, or cry out, “Jerk!”)
• Threatens bodily harm regardless of what else is said.

3.  The criticizer clearly states the criticism with enough detail so the criticized person, if he or she wills, can improve the behavior, idea, or appearance, but couples it with glares, insults, shouts, or threats that are not about bodily harm.

4.   The criticizer states the criticism without bodily attacks, damaging property, glares, insults, threats, or shouts, and with enough details so that the criticized person, if he or she wills, can improve the behavior, idea, or appearance.  If the person receiving the criticism becomes defensive or angry, the criticizer empathizes without returning, glares, insults, threats, or shouts.

   5.  When the criticizer provides criticism, he or she does so in a manner very similar to a level four response, but beforehand, the criticizer considers the person who is the target of the criticism, and the situation that he or she is in.  As a result of such considerations, the criticizer may decide to alter the criticism.

Rating Trump on Several Other Attributes Related to Respect

All that is left to do to finish this exercise is to look over the following list of attribute descriptions, and for each one, rate Trump on a scale of 1 to 5 on how well that description fits him.

Being a Good Role Model

Present yourself well

Set an example for others

Make your own decisions

Don’t be overly materialistic

Be a cultured person

Keep your language clean and respectable

Exude confidence

Be optimistic

Stick to your word

Excel at something

Admit to your mistakes

Avoid getting overly intoxicated in public

Stick up for yourself when you need to

Respecting Others

Greet people in a proper and friendly manner

Never bully others or take advantage of their weaknesses

Give everyone a chance

Be prepared to see other people’s side of the story

Don’t act like a know-it-all

Be discreet

Conclusion

Well, there you have it, an exercise designed to deepen your idea about the nature of respect. As I mentioned above, you are of course free to create your own conceptualization of respect according to your own lights. Nothing that I’ve said throughout this exercise is designed to be presented in a dogmatic fashion.

As I leave you today, I can’t help noting that the lead headline of my newspaper states, “Explosive Growth of Virus Is Recorded Across the U.S.” With that in mind, please do take all precautions for your own safety, and for the safety of others.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

DisrespectDonald Trumpproviding criticismrespectResponding to criticism