The Beatles Archives - From Insults To Respect

Welcome to From Insults to Respect.

In today’s world, if you are experiencing melancholy or depression, the pharmaceutical industry very much wants to sell you on the idea that you have an abnormal condition that is deemed an illness. You would think with the popularity of the blues type of music, periods of bluesy feelings would be viewed as normal as trees in a forest; nevertheless, the pharmaceutical industry has successfully sold prescribing physicians it requires drug treatments.

These drugs have a number of side-effects, and for those who come to decide the drugs are either not working for them, or the side-effects are intolerable, many find that upon trying to stop taking them the withdrawal reactions are awful. And yet, these drug treatments are appealing to many people because of the ease of popping a pill, and health insurance either completely covers the cost, or reduces the cost to such an extent that they are very affordable. Moreover, it is a medical doctor who is prescribing these pills, and since doctors have such extensive training they are viewed as the experts, and people succumb to their advice without much thoughtful consideration.

With this in mind, in my view, if you can find a way to avoid the drugs and learn to make friends with these base notes of experiences, you potentially will be healthier in the long run. In several of my earlier posts (for examples see HERE and HERE), I provide numerous examples of people who found various experiences typically labeled as depression and melancholy as helpful. For example, Joshua Wolf Shenk in his biography of Abraham Lincoln, makes the case that his depression fueled his greatness. Similarly, the music legend, Joni Mitchell, upon discussing her frequent bouts of depression observed,

“Depression can be the sand that makes the pearl. Most of my best work came out of it. If you get rid of the demons and the disturbing things, then the angels fly off, too. There is the possibility, in that mire, of an epiphany.”

We learn further of Joni’s view of melancholy from her soulful rendition of her song “Hejira.” There she sings,

There’s comfort in melancholy
When there’s no need to explain
It’s just as natural as the weather
In the moody sky today

As another example, we learned in an earlier post that the great writer Leo Tolstoy came to understand his bouts with depression as crucial to his personal development as it provoked a gnawing questioning that eventually led to one insight after another.

The Beatles song, “Rain,” as I interpret it, provides us another expression of melancholy and depression as natural.

The Beatles’ song, “Rain”

This song was released on the 30th of May, 1966, as the B-side of The Beatles’s “Paperback Writer” single . According to Wikipedia, it was written by John Lennon although credited to the Lennon–McCartney partnership. It contains a slowed-down rhythm track, George Harrison’s distorted lead guitar, Ringo Starr’s nifty drumming, Paul McCartney’s droning bass line, and the last lines are vocals played backwards.

The first lines go:

If the rain comesThey run and hide their headsThey might as well be deadIf the rain comes

Here, the Beatles, it seems to me, are bemoaning how people view a rainy period negatively (They might as well be dead). Many people, when they have experiences referred to as melancholy and depression are similarly likely to interpret it as a negative, and they might as well be dead. This is often due, in part, to the way they were brought up.

There are parents who are not given to periods of sadness, anguish, and tears. For them, it’s “steady as she goes,” which is not a bad constitution to have. Their talent for averting their attention from evil, and living in the light of good offers benefits for our society for they can be counted on, day after day, to accomplish many tasks that have to be done for the smooth operation of our society. However, there is another constitution that complements this “steady as she goes” type.

Those with this complementary constitution experience far more acutely facts which strike them as wrong, and this wrongness is a genuine portion of reality. To them, rather than turning away from these feeling, their constitution has them staying with these feeling for an extended period so their life’s significance can be more deeply pondered and ultimately better understood. Though often nothing apparently positive comes from some of these periods, every now and then it serves to open their eyes to deeper levels of truth that end up benefiting them and society as a whole.

Now, when the “steady as they go” parents see their child feeling blue, this strikes them, from their perspective, as abnormal. These parents try to talk their child out of these sad experiences. A father seeing his little Susie not snapping out of her rainy day mood might even get testy, insisting he had enough of her whimpering. “Stop it already,” he may scream, “you’re acting like a horrible baby!” Offering a sympathetic ear would be far more helpful at such times, but children don’t get to pick parents who always act perfectly at all times.

Similarly, adults in general, if they have a “steady as they go” constitution, will readily accept the belief that they are the mentally healthy folks and anyone given to waves of bluesy feelings must have a mental illness.

Now, some of the folks who have a bluesy constitution may have learned to deal with their tumultuous feelings by trying to squelch them by drinking an excess amount of alcohol or consuming various other drugs. When this happens, they become at risk for a real physical illness from the toxic effects of these substances. Dealing with addictions can require support and the first part of that support is to come to understand that some people are given to bluesy moods, and that these moods are natural for them and has the potential to lead to something positive.

The next set of lines in “Rain” go,

When the sun shinesThey slip into the shade (when the sun shines down)And sip their lemonade (when the sun shines down)

When the sun shinesWhen the sun shines

RainI don’t mindShineThe weather’s fine

Here, the song contrasts the pleasantness of sunshiny days and the experience of rainy ones, which is also fine–different, but nevertheless fine in its own way. Metaphorically, we can come to experience our bluesy moods as a different type of mood that is also fine. We can come to learn that for many of us, melancholy is a period of time when, by feeling deeply about our various concerns, we process them more deeply than the more steadily happy folks. There are times when this processing leads to something creative. Biographies teach us that the most creative people are given to periods of melancholy and depression.

The next lines in the song go,

I can show youThat when it starts to rain (when the rain comes down)Everything’s the same (when the rain comes down)I can show youI can show you

RainI don’t mindShineThe weather’s fine

Here, the lines, it seems to me, are designed to encourage us to experience rain as every bit as an equal to a shiny day. It reminds me of a line from St. Basil–“Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his brow, and knows not that it brings forth abundance.” In my view, this is equally true for melancholy. Depression is a little different.

When people become depressed, they are prone to throw personal insults at themselves, typically choosing ones that have to do with feeling guilty about becoming depressed, past mistakes, being crazy, and being worthless. The psychiatric model has them thinking they have bad genes, a lifelong pathological condition, as well as having a condition that is stigmatizing. All of this leads to the person experiencing periods of self-loathing. As a result, they develop what some call a double depression–not only are they depressed, they are depressed that they are depressed.

In contrast, melancholy is a richer, and more powerful approach for addressing our concerns, even the most challenging ones. It doesn’t waste time with all of the insults, though, because of old habits, some may still leap into consciousness. When they do, those in melancholy can observe them without believing they are true. Rather, they recognize them as old unhelpful habits, allow themselves to experience the physical sensations that come with them, and then, when those sensations pass in their own good time, they move on to other emotional work that needs to be done.

The next few lines from the song are,

Can you hear me?That when it rains and shines (when it rains and shines)It’s just a state of mind (when it rains and shines)Can you hear me?Can you hear me?

Here, we are encouraged to view the experiences that come with rainy days and sunny days as just states of mind. This is equally true for uplifting days and days filled with angst.

Now I understand that some people who have reached such a deep level of self-loathing will find it hard to learn to transform their depression into the more natural and supportive state of melancholy. They may have experienced a trauma in their past so awful, they can’t seem to get beyond it. Feelings of getting relief by ending their life may intrude into their thoughts.

The natural ways to deal with this is to take daily walks, particularly in natural settings, talking with a supportive family member or friend, and getting enough sleep. The “Expressive Writing Technique” and meditation are very beneficial and cost free (See HERE for free descriptions of how to use these two techniques). Professional counseling and mindful self-compassion courses can help to get people through particularly challenging times.

The final few lines of “Rain are:

Sdeah reiht edih dna nur yehtSemoc niar eht fi (rain)Niar (rain)Senihs nus (rain)

These lines seem like nonsense words but are actually from a recording tape played backwards. Perhaps it’s meant to suggest that when we view rainy days as “we might as well be dead” we are viewing the experience backwards. Perhaps we would be better off to turn that idea around so it tells us to live fully even when the sun shines and when it rains, and appreciate the full spectrum of human experience.

My Best,

Jeff

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.

Welcome to From Insults To Respect. Today we take a look at the experience of asking for help, which can be hard for some of us. As we do so, we’ll be utilizing the tremendously popular Beatles song, “Help” in order to bring to light some aspects of the experience in an entertaining manner.

The song was released as a single in the summer of 1965 and rocketed to the number 1 spot, as Beatles songs were apt to do. John Lennon passionately sings lead vocals, while getting ample help from his bandmates Paul McCartney, George Harrison, and Ringo Starr.

The song begins with John crying out,

(Help!) I need somebody
(Help!) Not just anybody
(Help!) You know I need someone
(Help!)

Here, I notice that although John is crying out for help, he well recognizes that he doesn’t want it from just anybody. Being selective is wise because some people who might provide assistance can make your life ever worse. Let’s keep that in mind as we move on to consider the song’s other lyrics.

The next lines of the song go like this:

When I was younger so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured
Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors

Here John says in the song that when he was younger he never needed any help. This may appear a bit puzzling for a couple of reasons. First, according to his own statements quoted in various biographies, John received quite a bit of help from his Aunt Mimi while he was growing up. Second, John, when he was younger, invited Paul to join his band presumably because he felt Paul could be helpful. So, he not only got a great deal of help when he was younger, he specifically asked Paul for help. The song’s lyrics up to this point do not reflect this. The puzzle is solved by discovering that John, in the song, is not referring to needing just any type of help. Instead, he is referring to needing one particular type of help, as we learn in the next verse.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down
And I do appreciate you being ’round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won’t you please, please help me?

Here we see that John, in the song, is referring to seeking help for feeling down. In John’s culture, young folks liked viewing themselves as tough and never needing any emotional help. Asking for assistance for this type of problem could be viewed as being a sissy. Given this cultural attitude, it was rather brave of him to come out with a song such as this.

In the next verse, John shares some additional feelings about this.

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before

The fear of admitting that you are emotionally feeling down and insecure is understandable given the culture John, and many of the rest of us, are brought up in. Nevertheless, John reveals in this song these feeling to the world. He also tells us he appreciates someone who is around to help him through this.

It was quite an eye opener to me as a boy growing up in Brooklyn. Being the toughest person around was viewed as the ideal. To learn that John could not only boldly reveal feelings of being insecure, and yet he continued to be adored by his fans, meant something important to me.

The song’s popularity is due in part to it relating that even someone as popular as John can feel so down he cries out for help. It led many of us to become aware we are not alone upon having similar feelings. It also reveals that asking for help need not mean we will end up being disrespected. However, as the opening lines of the song suggest, we might not want to ask just anyone for help. How then, do we pick the right person for this type of assistance? Although the song succeeds in raising this enormously important issue, it leaves us to seek out the answer for ourselves.

Typically, if the person you choose really cares about you and is a good empathetic listener, this will be a reliable guide to choosing well. However, taking a few moments to consider whether or not there is a downside to your choice may be worthwhile. To make this point vivid, let me tell you about some scenes from the movie Kramer vs. Kramer.

In it, Dustin Hoffman is playing a character named Ted Kramer who is going through a tough divorce. Because his boss had been a caring and good listener in the past, whenever Ted discussed work related concerns, Ted chooses to share with him how down he is as a result of going through the divorce process. His boss tries to sound interested, but inwardly is bored. As Ted continues over the course of several days to share his emotional difficulties with his boss, more and more boredom arises and he begins to doubt that Ted is going to be able to handle his job responsibilities as well as he had in the past. Ted ends up getting fired.

So, let this be a cautionary tale that motivates you to consider for a few moments whether or not there is a downside to whom you are leaning toward confiding with during hard times.

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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.