Today’s topic is about bragging, and how it might interfere with the amount of respect a person earns. The topic brings up some subtle issues because although bragging may hurt a person’s reputation, at the same time, there are situations in which there is some value in standing up for yourself and promoting the qualities that you possess. How do you do this without just coming off as a braggart, blowhard, or bigmouth?
While working on this post, I happened to be listening to Bob Dylan’s song, “False Profit,” which appears on his new album, Rough and Rowdy Ways. A couple of its lines suddenly caught my attention:
I’m first among equals,
Second to none.
As I listened more intently to the rest of the song, it struck me as an intriguing way to enter into this bragging discussion. So, let’s see what becomes of this.
Bragging and Bob’s “False Prophet” Song
Bob’s lyrics leave a lot to each listener’s imagination, which is true of many of his songs. Therefore, I don’t mean to suggest my interpretation of “False Prophet” is the only proper one. But I humbly invite you to join me to to see if my very personal reaction might be of value.
In a down and dirty Muddy Waters blues style, Bob expresses his emotions about being accused of being a false prophet. The lyrics begin:
Another day that don’t end Another ship goin’ out Another day of anger, bitterness, and doubt I know how it happened I saw it begin I opened my heart to the world and the world came in
These lines returned me to when Bob began his musical career. Taken by his songs that so captured the pulse of events that were unfolding during the 1960s, some began to say he was a prophet. There are several definitions of a prophet, so let’s take a quick look at them:
A person regarded as an inspired teacher or proclaimer of the will of God.
A person who advocates or speaks in a visionary way about a new belief, cause, or theory.
A person who makes or claims to be able to make predictions.
When Bob was asked in a 1965 interview about those who were saying he was a prophet, he laughed and said humbly, “I’m just a song and dance man.” But this didn’t stop many who began to treat him as a kind of holy messenger, and some with this bent of mind began showing up at his home as if they were participating in a religious pilgrimage. Bob tried to disabuse people of such notions, but at the same time, he wanted to promote his career, and to express his emotions, feelings, and personal views in his musical art form.
When Bob shifted from a folk music style to include in his repertoire some rock music, it led to outrage by some of his earliest fans, and accusations that he was a false prophet. Being thus accused, when he never even claimed to be any kind of prophet, it apparently has angered him, and this song expresses these feelings.
The next verse makes reference to a couple of girls that were Bob’s guide to the underworld, an offhand way, I think, of humbly admitting he hasn’t always acted like a perfect angel. And then Bob sings, still with anger,
Well I’m the enemy of treason Enemy of strife I’m the enemy of the unlived meaningless life I ain’t no false prophet I just know what I know I go where only the lonely can go
These lines delineate some of the values that Bob has railed against, and upon revealing them in his songs, it has led to his being attacked, and such attacks has led him to go to a very lonely place. It seems to me, in this verse, Bob doesn’t claim to have prophetic powers for the values that he holds, rather, he tells us, “I just know what I know.”
The next stanza goes:
I’m first among equals Second to none The last of the best You can bury the rest Bury ’em naked with their silver and gold Put them six feet under and I pray for their souls
Here, Bob seems to be saying, “I’m not claiming to be better than anyone else, but I am claiming no one is inherently better than me. And people who do claim to be better than me, are greedy, and when they die and get buried, I prays for their souls.”
Now, let’s turn our attention to the next stanza:
What are you lookin’ at?
There’s nothing to see
Just a cool breeze that’s encircling me
Let’s go for a walk in the garden
So far and so wide
We can sit in the shade by the fountain-side
My interpretation of these lines is that for those claiming he is a false prophet, they are seeing something that really doesn’t exist. He then tries to cool their anger, and perhaps his own anger as well, with the calming imagery of a cool breeze and some pleasant experiences in a garden.
In the rest of the song, Bob tells us he is a searcher of meaning and of love, and throughout this search, he has had to face experiences that feel like climbing “a mountain of swords on my bare feet.”
At one point in the song he suggests that rather than looking at him as either a prophet or a false prophet, people might want to look up where “the city of God is there on the hill.”
In listening to the song, some might get the impression that Bob is one angry dude. Those who are a follower of his career well know there are a rich variety of emotions and moods to his art, which he emphasizes in his song titled, “I Contain Multitudes.” Give a listen to his tender song, “Girl From the North Country” as an example of Bob expressing feelings that are in utter contrast to the angry fellow we hear in “False Prophet.”
Now during Bob’s career, he has had an incredible amount of accolades that many a fellow might be tempted to brag about. Examples are, 11 Grammys, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, and the Nobel Prize In Literature. As a follower of his career, I’ve never heard anything from him that even remotely comes off as bragging. The tone that Bob took, upon accepting the Nobel Prize perhaps best reveals his reaction to such accolades:
Good evening, everyone. I extend my warmest greetings to the members of the Swedish Academy and to all of the other distinguished guests in attendance tonight.
I’m sorry I can’t be with you in person, but please know that I am most definitely with you in spirit and honored to be receiving such a prestigious prize. Being awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature is something I never could have imagined or seen coming. From an early age, I’ve been familiar with and reading and absorbing the works of those who were deemed worthy of such a distinction: Kipling, Shaw, Thomas Mann, Pearl Buck, Albert Camus, Hemingway. These giants of literature whose works are taught in the schoolroom, housed in libraries around the world and spoken of in reverent tones have always made a deep impression. That I now join the names on such a list is truly beyond words.
Bob went on from there, to explain that, “If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I’d have about the same odds as standing on the moon.”
So, there you have it, an illustration of someone dealing with the issue of bragging versus positive self-promotion. It was not designed to suggest that Bob did everything perfect when it came to avoiding negative self-promotion; rather, it just sought to bring up in an entertaining manner some relevant issues.
Before moving on, let’s keep in mind a few points that this section did illustrate. When some people claimed Bob is some fantastic spiritual leader, he tried to bring them down to Earth. He has admitted he has not always been an angel in every way. He has revealed that as he struggled in life to find his way, he has had his share of suffering. He let the quality of his work speak for itself. When others showed an appreciation for his work, he expressed his appreciation for being honored.
A More General Discussion of Bragging Versus Helpful Self-Promotion
People engage in self-promotional behavior because they want others to hold favorable images of them. Self-promotion, however, entails a trade-off between conveying one’s positive attributes and being seen as bragging. We propose that people get this trade-off wrong because they erroneously project their own feelings onto their interaction partners. As a consequence, people overestimate the extent to which recipients of their self-promotion will feel proud of and happy for them, and underestimate the extent to which recipients will feel annoyed (Experiments 1 and 2). Because people tend to promote themselves excessively when trying to make a favorable impression on others, such efforts often backfire, causing targets of self-promotion to view self-promoters as less likeable and as braggarts (Experiment 3).
To the degree that these experimental findings might provide an accurate picture of what we all face in interpersonal relationships, what practical steps might we take to enhance the respect we desire from others? Here, I humbly offer some suggestions for your consideration. In offering them, I’m not claiming they come with the backing of solid research findings, or that they are infallible rules passed on to me from up on high. Instead, they are just some ideas I’ve accumulated over the years from some people I respect, and my own personal observations.
Because bragging is rarely viewed as a positive characteristic, in general, I recommend that anytime you are tempted to reveal some information about one of your fine accomplishments or attributes, pause for a few seconds. During the pause, ask yourself how your statement might be received.
During a job interview, those doing the hiring certainly will be interested in anything about you that might be of value for the specific job you are applying for. In such situations, consider letting your recommendations and resume speak to your relevant fine attributes and accomplishments, and hold off on your self-promotion comments until being specifically asked about them. Perhaps it is best to stick to highlighting just your skills that can be helpful to your prospective employer, rather than going on and on, for example, about what a great bowler you are.
There are times when you are with some fairly self-assured friends. A sharing among such friends about accomplishments, and participating in rejoicing together in celebration of a new success can be wonderful. That said, from time to time, ask yourself, “Is my sharing being used to dominate, or is it mutually empowering?” “Is it designed to make myself look better than someone else in the group?” “Do I share with these group members, not just my successes, but the times I messed up?” “Do I readily admit my foibles as well as my successes?” Thinking about such questions hold promise for maintaining respectful relationships.
What Can You Do When Someone You Know Brags So Much It Is Annoying?
There are people you will meet who claim everything they do is perfect, even better than perfect, just stupendously superb. This can get pretty tiresome, and if the person doing the bragging is someone you care about, it can be hurting her or his reputation.
Of course you can excuse yourself, and walk off. However, sometimes the person bragging might have some redeeming characteristics that keeps you from such an easy course of action. You might think to yourself, “If I could get this person to cut out the incessant bragging, I could really enjoy and benefit from this relationship. Here are a few things to try.
Andrea F. Polard, Psy.D., in a Psychology Today article on this topic (see HERE), suggests:
Braggers are just like everybody else; they don’t like it when other people brag. So go ahead and brag a little yourself. Then, as if struck by divine intervention, excuse yourself and say something to the effect of, “Oh, I guess I have been bragging. You know what, let’s not do that. It only makes other people feel bad.”
I’d be a little nervous trying this one. I’m pretty sure some will see through the subterfuge and recognize I’ve tired of the person blowing her or his own horn.
Another of Dr. Polard’s suggestions is:
Dr. Andrea F. Polard
At an opportune time (which is almost any time), ask if the person knows a particular person (a celebrity will do) and share how you’d like that individual more if it weren’t for her constant boasting. Ask your bragger if she or he feels the same way about anyone.
Hmmm. I kinda feel this one might have some merit.
With these types of indirect approaches, there is the hope that the bragger will get the hint. If not, what about using a direct approach, and say something like, “You know, Fred, I sure like you, it’s fun hanging out with you most of the time. The few times when you go on about a fine accomplishment it feels somehow uncomfortable to me?”
Risky? To some degree. You may lose a relationship that you may not wish to give up. On the other hand, you might be doing the person you are criticizing a favor. If such bragging is annoying you, it very well may be annoying others. Such feedback may enhance the respect this person obtains.
Well, there you have it, some thoughts on bragging and positive self-promotion. I hope you found some of the ideas worth considering
Until you join us again here at From Insults to Respect, please stay safe.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
These days we’ve been hearing a heck of a lot about doctoring.
A question particularly relevant to this blog is, what especially leads to a doctor being respected?
As regular readers to this blog know, when I want to take a few minutes to enrich a topic, I often look to see if Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan explored this topic on one of his Theme Time Radio Hour shows. This has worked well, for his show is so much fun, and I receive a great deal of positive feedback whenever I do this.
Well, it just so happens that Bob’s episode 69 is on doctors, so let’s see what it has to offer. You can listen to that episode for free by clicking HERE.
Bob’s Episode on Doctors
Bob begins his show with some cool jazzy piano playing and then he tells us:
Welcome back to Theme Time Radio Hour. Put the apples away for we’re not trying to keep the doctors away this week. A matter of fact we’re gonna invite them in, ‘cause for the next hour, we’re gonna discuss that noble occupation of the followers of Hippocrates.
The first song Bob plays for us is “Dear Doctor,” by the Rolling Stones. It’s about a guy none too happy about getting married. Here’s some of the lyrics:
Oh help me, please doctor, I’m damaged
There’s a pain where there once was a heart
It’s sleepin’, it’s a beatin’
Can’t ya please tear it out, and preserve it
Right there in that jar?
At the end of the song, the guy solves his problem without the doctor’s help. He simply leaves a note for the woman he was to marry. As the lyrics explain, the letter read:
“Darlin’, I’m sorry to hurt you
But I’ve no courage to speak to your face
But I’m down in Virginia with your cousin Lou
There’ll be no wedding today”
It’s interesting that in this song the narrator cries out for help from a doctor, despite never seeking out a doctor to get him through his predicament. It reminds me of how many people I know will automatically cry, “Dear God, help me,” whenever they’re in a tough jam.
This connection between doctors and God comes about, I think, from the association of both apparently being capable of performing miracles. A “miracle” is a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency. But, is it wise to put doctors on the same level as God? Is that too much respect to put on anyone? Hmmmm.
Moving along, Bob next goes into a little history. He tells us,
The first doctors can be seen in ancient cave paintings, some of them thousands of years old. They show men in animal masks performing ritual dances.
As towns and villages became more complex, bone setters and healing priests became part of society. In ancient Mesopotamia, a whole clinical system was created, based on a framework of omens, and divinations.
From Bob’s little history, we see that for many centuries, healing was often bound up with religious practices. Healers would seek to draw upon the favors of their God or Gods using a variety of rituals.
However, somewhere between the fifth and third centuries BC, some Greek physicians, such as Hippocrates, practiced healing as an art, and began separating themselves from pure religious practices. Their approach included surgery and adjusting dietary regimens. However, they were required to take a religious oath that began:
I swear by Apollo Healer, by Asclepius, by Hygieia, by Panacea, and by all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will carry out, according to my ability and judgment, this oath and this indenture.
The oath included principles of confidentiality and to do no harm. Its last sentence is,
Now if I carry out this oath, and break it not, may I gain for ever an excellent reputation among all men for my life and for my art; but if I break it and forswear myself, may the opposite befall me.”
As we can plainly see from this, respect was an important desire even way back then.
A little later in the show, Bob tells us,
Some doctors are more diligent than others, not all just pill peddling quacks. Some actually care, and even look at the big picture, like Jonas Salk.
Jonas Salk
In the 1950s, a lot of parents had become frightened in the summertime. This is when children by the thousands would become infected with the crippling disease of polio. Dr. Jonas Salk eliminated that fear forever when he developed a vaccine for the disease. He never patented it, instead distributed it freely so the whole world could benefit from its discovery. Are you listening Pfizer?
That little snippet from the show reveals a truckload of insight regarding what Bob respects and disrespects about folks in the medical profession.
Midway through the show, Bob tells us,
I went to the Farmers Market with John Cusack, and he has some opinions about today’s subject.
At this point we hear Cusack’s voice relating to us the following,
John Cusack
My feeling about doctors is a little complicated because, especially here in the west, I’m not sure about any of them actually interested in healing anyone, but it makes me think of an old thing I saw on stage a long time ago. A patient walks into a doctor’s office. He says, “Doctor, I’m feeling sick,” and the doctor hits him with a right cross, and, um, the patient says, “Why did you do that?” And the doctor says, “Because I’m a doctor.” The patient says, “Perfect!” willing to accept any abusive brutality as long as it comes from an authority figure.
Bob, sounding astonished, replies, “Thanks John. Well, that’s something to mull over.” John’s story reveals a little of his thoughts about what some doctors are doing these days that leads to a loss of respect. This blog has been expressing particularly concerned about the pills being prescribed by psychiatrists (see, for example, HERE and HERE). There benefits have been hugely exaggerated, there side-effects and other risks have been awfully minimized, and when people try to get off of them, many discover the withdrawal reactions lead to problems worse than the reasons they initially chose to begin treatment.
As Bob’s show begins to come to a close, Bob tells us,
A lot of people have no faith in medicine. Some just don’t trust doctors, some just believe in alternative medicines, and some religious groups don’t believe modern medicine can help cure an illness. Christian Scientists believe the only cure comes from prayer. I’m all for that, but I believe doctors are very knowledgable and keep their feet firmly in the present.
If push comes to shove, and you find yourself wanting to find someone who could do what the doctor couldn’t, here’s “The Five Blind Boys From Mississippi” doing “You Done What the Doctor Couldn’t do.”
The song sounds like an old spiritual, and a few of the lyrics are just that,
Lord, Lord, Oh Lord. Oh Lord, I know you done What the doctor couldn’t do. Oh, I know, you done what the doctor couldn’t do.
Lord, when I was sick, Oh lord, I couldn’t get well. But Oh lord you healed my body And I’m not ashamed to tell.
After the song, Bob tells us,
Everyone will give you different medical advice. People tell you what to eat, what medicine to take, how to avoid illness, how to cure illness. But if you want to know the truth for me is that we’re all gonna go. All you can do is try to make it as interesting as possible.
Then Bob plays for us someone saying to doctors,
Whatever your field in medicine, you’re caught up in the most fundamental battle of mankind. It is you and life against disease and death. The techniques have become so familiar to you that your hands goes about them almost automatically, but never your mind, and never your heart.
Bob’s concluding words on the show are,
Voltaire
That’s all the time we have for today, but in the meantime, remember what Voltaire said, “Medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”
Conclusion
Dr. Jeffrey Rubin
In the above, the view that doctoring is a noble profession that teams up with life to battle disease and death was put forth. Maintaining confidentiality and to first do no harm was mentioned as part of the Hippocratic oath.
At one point, we discussed folks who put doctors on the same level as God or Gods. During Bob’s show, I got the distinct impression that he isn’t one of those folks. He did say that doctors are knowledgeable and they tend to keep their feet firmly in the present, which I got the impression, he respects. However, he views many as pill peddling quacks, and he raised the issue of the greed of the pharmaceutical companies, an aspect of the world of medicine which, it seems to me, he looks upon with disdain.
So, there you have it, a little reflection on the doctoring profession. Until you join us once again right here at From Insults To Respect, may all of your doctoring experiences be all that you hope for, and may you and your loved ones stay healthy and safe.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
Welcome to From Insults To Respect. Today, Fathers Day, with many of us gathering with family members, it seems an apt time to take a few minutes to think about what family means to us.
For many of us, during times when we find ourselves in rough waters, our family is a lifeline, members pulling lovingly together to ease us from the deep. Others are not so lucky.
All kinds of family problems can arise. Some members may do something that casts a shadow over the clan. Sometimes it may be we who mess up, and the guilt we hold for disgracing those we care for is excruciating. And then there are times when a member accomplishes something splendid, leading to a pleasant glow.
What else is there to say about families? Well, it just so happens Bob Dylan, for one of the episodes of his Theme Time Radio Hour show, focussed in on the family circle. Let’s see what it has to offer to enrich today’s topic. And then I’ll conclude with a few observations from Bob’s son, Jacob.
Bob’s Show
Bob begins with the following words:
Welcome once again to Theme Time Radio Hour. I got nothing to sell, nothing to promote, just a good friend stopping by.
If this was the Golden Age of Radio, I’d tell you to gather the kids around the radio, but it’s a new dayand everybody in the family has different interests. A matter of fact, everybody barely spends any time together even whenthey’re in the same room.But this week, we’re gonna put aside an hour to examine the most important of units, the family.
As Thomas Jefferson once said, “The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I rested at home in the bosom of my family.” Old TJ was a smart guy.
So, we’re gonna take a few ticks of the clock to look at heart and hearth. We’ll look at family trees, family dinners, family planning, and family jewels. There’ll be Dutch uncles, grandfather clocks, kissing cousins, sons of a gun, and maybe a couple of SOBs. It’s all in the family. Let’s get it goin.’
From here, Bob launches into a variety of songs, all touching upon family relationships, with characters involving parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and cousins. For example, we get to hear a song by Sly and the Family Stone titled “It’s A Family Affair.” Bob introduces it saying, “A weary skeptical record, with a darkness born of drug use. This song was all over the radio and its power could not be denied.” Here are a few of the lyrics:
Sly and the Family Stone
It’s a family affair It’s a family affair It’s a family affair It’s a family affair
One child grows up to be Somebody that just loves to learn And another child grows up to be Somebody you’d just love to burn
Mom loves the both of them You see, it’s in the blood Both kids are good to mom Blood’s thicker than the mud
It’s a family affair It’s a family affair It’s a family affair It’s a family affair Over there, over there Newlywed a year ago But you’re still checking each other out, hey Nobody wants to blow
Nobody wants to be left out, uh huh
You can’t leave, ’cause your heart is there
But, sure, you can’t stay, ’cause you been somewhere else
You can’t cry ’cause you’ll look broke down
But you’re cryin’ anyway ’cause you’re all broke down
It’s a family affair….
I find it an interesting song because the lyrics are just vague enough so that it permits listeners to interpret them as applying to a whole bunch of conflicts your own family may be having, thus giving it a wide appeal.
On Bob’s radio shows he likes to crack a few jokes. On this episode he tells us that, “Families are like fudge, mostly sweet, but there are a few nuts.”
George Bernard Shaw
He also tells us that George Bernard Shaw once said, “When our relatives aren’t home we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.” Hmmm. No doubt Shaw is capturing for many folks something that has an element of truth, but, as for me, I’m nuts about my family.
At one point, Bob goes to his emails, and finds one from a woman named Melody:
Dear Bob, the shows have been exceptional this year. I copy them and give them to my friends. I know it’s illegal but my friends enjoy them.
Bob, here, interjects–Melody, I’m complimented, but I can’t condone that kind of behavior.
She continues. Perhaps you can help me with a problem. My husband is stricter with our son than he is with our daughter. What should I say to him to make him more fair?
Well, Melody, that’s an interesting question. Parents shouldn’t have favorites among their children, but sometimes they do. You should forget about trying to convince him that he is being unreasonable and instead pose a couple of questions. Do you think his son needs stricter rules than his daughter? Is he perhaps remembering what he did as a child? How is his strictness affecting the children? I think perhaps the best solution is to do more things as a complete family. Don’t break them up into small teams or units. The more things you do together, he will treat both children equally. I’m sure you guys will work it out. And stop giving my shows away.
As the show draws to a close, Bob tells us;
So, until next week, take some time to be with your family. Cherish them. You are not going to get to be with them forever. Hold your family close while you got them. The moments you have with them are precious and few.
What a wonderful sentiment. It led me to wonder how Bob was with his own family. In interviews, he rarely has talked about them. In fact he is very hesitant to be forthcoming about anything personal in interviews, though he has no problem pouring out his heart in song. Consider, for example, his emotional performance on “If You See Her, Say Hello.”
Jakob Dylan
We get a little insight about Bob’s family life from his son, Jakob, who is the lead singer and primary song writer for the band, The Wallflowers. During an interview with the New York Times (See HERE), as you might guess, the interviewer, Anthony Decurtis, asks Jakob about his dad. At first, Jakob is reluctant to reply, saying,
You got right to the head of why people have a problem with me. If people want to talk about Bob Dylan, I can talk about that. But my dad belongs to me and four other people exclusively. I’m very protective of that.
Those “four other people” are his brothers and sisters, of whom Jakob is the youngest. As the interview continues, Jakob begins to open up:
In his studio that afternoon, Jakob had the look of a man who is standing on a diving board, wondering whether to jump. Then he jumped. “Yes,” he said, taking a breath, “he was affectionate. When I was a kid, he was a god to me for all the right reasons. Other people have put that tag on him in some otherworldly sense. I say it as any kid who admired his dad and had a great relationship with him. He never missed a single Little League game I had. He’s collected every home-run ball I ever hit. And he’s still affectionate to me.” He paused and smiled. “Maybe he doesn’t want people to know that,” he said. “But I’ll tell you, because it’s my interview.”…. “Look, he’s the best at what I do. I know that, and so do my heroes. I got to watch my heroes meet him and saw how they reacted, whether it was Joe Strummer or Tom Waits. It was peculiar. I’m so stoked to meet Tom Waits, and he’s so nervous to meet my dad. It’s a head spin.”
I found it heartwarming to hear Jakob talk so lovingly about his dad.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
These days, many are performing their jobs from home and are missing the camaraderie of their workplace. Such drastic changes in their lives, and that of their families, give us reason to reflect on what work means to us.
Given the main focus of this blog, you might wonder what work has to do with respect. Well, many people achieve a great deal of respect from the work they do, while others are humbled by finding they have had little choice but to take a job far different from what they had aspired to in earlier days. Others, having lost their job and finding themselves falling deep into poverty, may be questioning their own self respect. So, without any further ado, here’s a little meditation on this topic insightfully aided by Bob Dylan’s “work” episode from his Theme Time Radio Hour series, which we can listen to HERE.
Bob’s Show On the Theme of Work
As the show begins, we hear a lively swinging rhythm of a horn and bass mixing it up, and then, Bob welcomes his listeners,
Welcome back to Theme Time Radio Hour, and this week we’re talking about work. We’re talkin’ about golden parachutes, poison pills, golden handshakes. We’re talking about workin’ like a dog, work around the clock, workin’ 9 to 5; talking about all the workin’ stiffs who’re workin’ for a livin’, who live to work, labor intensive, doin’ odd jobs, married to their job, them employee of the month hard at work. So this week, no kidding around, no fooling, no goofing off, no hanging around the water cooler, because we’re going to get right down to it, putting in an honest day’s work, for an honest day’s pay, for our subject de jure is work and jobs.
We’re going to start this thing off with the most famous poem by Walt Whitman, “I Hear America Singing.”
At this point Bob recites the poem, and he does a great job expressing the subtle emotion of its phrases:
I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear,
Those of mechanics, each one singing his as it should be blithe and strong,
The carpenter singing his as he measures his plank or beam,
The mason singing his as he makes ready for work, or leaves off work,
The boatman singing what belongs to him in his boat, the deckhand singing on the steamboat deck,
The shoemaker singing as he sits on his bench, the hatter singing as he stands,
The wood-cutter’s song, the ploughboy’s on his way in the morning, or at noon intermission or at sundown,
The delicious singing of the mother, or of the young wife at work, or of the girl sewing or washing,
Each singing what belongs to him or her and to none else,
The day what belongs to the day—at night the party of young fellows, robust, friendly,
Singing with open mouths their strong melodious songs.
Man, that Walt Whitman sure has an uplifting spirit.
Not all of Bob’s show relates to work in such a positive manner. For example, a little later Bob tells us,
We talked about Mondays before, and a lot of people don’t like them. Some like to call it blue Monday. T-Bone Walker called it stormy Monday. It’s the day you have to go back to the grind.
Imagine how bad it would be if you had one of the least popular jobs in the world. The least popular jobs are poultry processor, machine operator, farm worker, laundry worker, roofer, recycling plant worker, and street prostitute. Which is worse, street prostitute or poultry processor? Well, anyway, both of them probably hate Monday, so here’s their national anthem, “Stormy Monday,” by T-Bone Walker.
Some of the lyrics go like this:
They call it stormy Monday, and, baby, Tuesday’s just as bad
Call it stormy Monday, and, baby, Tuesday’s just as bad Wednesday’s worse, Thursday’s oh so sad.
The eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play Well the eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play Sunday I go to church, I kneel down and pray
Lord, have mercy, oh well it’s Lord have mercy on me Lord, have mercy, oh well my heart’s in misery
Wow, the languid interaction between the piano, horns, and guitar on that one blows me away.
Interesting thing about me is that often when I had a Monday to Friday job, I actually liked what I did during the work week, and yet I still super looked forward to Friday. It chiefly had to do with the freedom of being able to sleep in, and when I got up, I often could do what I wanted when I wanted. As far as I’m concerned, whoever came up with the idea of jobs that let you have a whole weekend off deserves a special place in this old heart of mine. The years I had to work seven days a week, and several nights as well, adds to my special appreciation of weekends.
Next up on the show, Bob has a guy explain to us why people work:
Why does everybody have a career doing some kind of work? People work because they enjoy doing some things that are useful, and to buy the things they need for themselves and their families.
From here we drift into Merle Haggard’s song, “Workin’ Man’s Blues.” A few of the relatable lyrics are,
I keep my nose on the grindstone, I work hard every day I might get a little tired on the weekend, after I draw my pay Then I’ll go back workin’, come Monday morning I’m right back with the crew I’ll drink a little beer that evening Sing a little bit of these working man blues
Sometimes I think about leaving, do a little bummin’ around I want to throw my bills out the window catch a train to another town I’ll go back working, I gotta buy my kids a brand new pair of shoes I drink a little beer in a tavern Cry a little bit of these working man blues, here comes that workin’ man blues
I like Bob’s reaction to the song:
You know, the working man is not the only man to have the blues; it’s also often tough to be the boss. It’s like what Robert Frost once said, “By working faithfully for eight hours a day, we may eventually get to be the boss and work twelve.”
Bob then tells us that if he had to have a boss, he would choose Bruce Springsteen.
When Bob said this, I first thought, well he hasn’t had to deal with any boss in years being the star of all of his performances. But then I thought about a great song of his, “Gotta Serve Somebody.” Take a look at a few of its lyrics:
You may be an ambassador to England or France You may like to gamble, you might like to dance You may be the heavyweight champion of the world You may be a socialite with a long string of pearls
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes Indeed you’re gonna have to serve somebody
Well, it may be the devil or it may be the Lord But you’re gonna have to serve somebody
You might be a rock ‘n’ roll addict prancing on the stage You might have drugs at your command, women in a cage You may be a business man or some high-degree thief They may call you doctor or they may call you chief
But you’re gonna have to serve somebody, yes you are
It seems to me there is a whole pile of wisdom packed into that song.
As the show moves further along, Bob tells us, “Hopefully, if you want a job, you can find a job,” and then plays for us Lee Dorsey’s “Gotta Find a Job.”A lot of folks these days can sure relate to this one. Here are a few of the lyrics:
I got to get out and find a job The roof is leaking and the rent ain’t paid Got to get a new pair of shoes and I’m all upset Old lady fussing bout the bills she make
I got to get out and find a job
Never made enough to put nothing on the side Problems, problems lordy I’m so tired Trouble by the dozen oh me, oh my
I got to get me out and find a job
I don’t know how I’m a gonna live Something got to break lord, something got to give I’m in trouble and I’m sincere I got to get me out and find a job
Unemployment days with no job to be found, a heck of a job to keep one’s spirits up.
Continuing with the issue of looking for a job, Bob reads us some strange “want ads” promising us that they are all true.
Man wanted to work in a dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
It takes many ingredients to make Burger King great, but our most important ingredient is our people.
A pair of hardly used dentures, two teeth missing, $100 or best offer, call Ira after 6 PM.
From here, Bob plays us the delightful version of “Whistle While You Work,” from the magnificent animated movie, Snow White.
Just whistle while you work
And cheerfully together we can tidy up the place
So hum a merry tune
It won’t take long when there’s a song to help you set the pace
And as you sweep the room
Imagine that the broom
Is someone that you love and soon you’ll find you’re dancing to the tune
When hearts are high the time will fly so whistle while you work
The song captures the notion that perhaps even when we have work to do that strikes us as drudgery, perhaps we can adopt an attitude that will turn it into fun.
As the show begins to move toward its conclusion, Bob offers some tips about going on job interviews:
You want to keep in mind that you are going on an interview, not a date. Don’t drown yourself with perfume or cologne. Speak up. Interviewers don’t want to drag words out of you. On the other hand, don’t talk too much, you don’t want to bore them. Stay focused, listen to what the question is and answer it; they don’t want to hear about what your dog did last week. Make eye contact, you don’t want to appear to be some kind of criminal. Poor language skills don’t help. Using “like” every third word or repeatedly saying “um” does not make you a likely candidate. Build trust. Don’t use a lot of little white lies, you’re going to get caught, and then how are they to believe anything you say. Wear a clean shirt, and present the best you possible. And once you get the job, you can do what everyone else does, figure out ways to get the day off.
Well, there is far more to this topic, but it’s time for me to knock off. Until next time, stay well, and let’s keep hope alive that the current work climate will soon drift into more pleasant days.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
Welcome to From Insults To Respect. Today’s topic–money.
The way we handle money can influence how much respect we have for ourselves and others have for us. A classic illustration comes from Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol where we find the unforgettable Ebenezer Scrooge transformed by ghostly experiences from a disrespected miser to a lovable, generous employer. As we delve into our topic, we will draw upon a couple of episodes of Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hourshow, both of which happen to be on the theme of money.
Money, Part One
As Bob introduces the first of his two episodes on money, he tells us, with reggae music in the background,
…we’re gonna take our cue from a sign Harry S. Truman kept on his desk: The Buck Stops Here. And not just the buck, the yen, the shekel, the nickel and dime, and if you still subscribe to the barter system, maybe a bushel of corn. So break open your piggy banks and cash in your bonds. This week’s episode of Theme Time Radio Hour is most definitely cash and carry.
Then, Bob plays us a recording of a man who sounds like someone delivering a US service announcement;
Wherever we go we see money being used as a medium of exchange. Money is a convenient method of exchanging many kinds of goods among many persons. Money is also a standard of value. The value of goods is stated in terms of money.
The first song Bob plays for us is the bluesy “That’s What They Want.” Performed by Jerry McCain and His Upstarts, it tells about a guy grieving about the women he knows who are just interested in finding men who have a lot of money, and a Cadillac too.
They don’t want no man, Who don’t got no cash. They’ll tell you quite quick, They don’t mess with trash.
That’s what they want, Oh yeah, money honey.
They don’t want no lovin’ No 24 hours a day, They just want to know When you get your pay.
That’s what they want, Oh yeah, money honey.
There is some fine harmonica playing on that one. As I interpret the song, the singer appears to be upset with women who view a guy as trash because he doesn’t have money. He’s looking for a gal who would be satisfied with a loving guy who will always be there for her. It captures the tension between wanting a relationship in which all of your material desires are achieved, versus the willingness to give up some, or all of that for someone whom you truly love because of his or her more intrinsic values. Reflective of this tension, over the years, I observed on occasion a guy or gal pointing to someone’s spouse while saying with disdain, “She married for money,” or “He married for money.”
A little later in the show, Bob tells us that some people will do anything for money. And then, setting up the next song, he says:
I almost think we play too much Van Morrison, but then I play one of his records and I say, “No we don’t.” Here’s one that Van recorded back in 1970, from his album, His Band and the Street Choir–“Blue Money.”
Blue money, according to the Urban Dictionary, refers to 100 dollar bills, which got its name from a blue line that goes up and down the bill. But in some circles, it means money from making porn movies. Thus, according to this interpretation, the song is about the singer’s girlfriend making porn movies, which involves engaging in sexual activities for money.
For many, people who make porn movies are looked down upon. There are better ways to make money, they say.
Although I personally believe there are indeed better ways to make money, I have some mixed feelings about completely losing respect for those who do earn money by engaging in sex. It comes from a couple of unique personal experiences.
When I was an undergraduate at Brooklyn College, I drove a taxi in Manhattan to cover my expenses. From time to time, as I was driving past the Port Authority, where buses and trains would bring loads of out-of-towners to the city, a few women dressed in very scanty, sexy outfits would jump in my taxi and tell me to drive around the block. As they peeked out the window, I could tell they had spotted some police officers, and they had me keep circling the block until the men in blue were gone.
Prior to this, I did think of those involved in this type of business in a pretty negative light, but this experience, meeting them in this strange way, well, I got to see a more human side of them as they talked among themselves in the taxi. I still feel that for myself there are far better ways to earn money, but this experience softened my unkind attitude toward those in the “Blue Money” trade.
Later, while a graduate student at the University of Minnesota, I worked at a Juvenile Correctional Facility, where I honed my counseling skills. Several of the female teenagers were in the facility because they had been engaged in prostitution. Here, I got to know what led these young ladies into this path to earn money. All came from extremely stressful financial situations. All were first lured into becoming hooked on drugs, which initially relieved their financially strapped stress. The leaders of the industry provided, at first, the drugs for free, along with other enticing gifts. In time, desperate to feed their addictions, these teenagers found turning tricks were the only way they knew how to survive. Somehow, during the counseling sessions, their humanity came to light, and a more kind and understanding attitude was fostered.
As Bob’s show continues, Bob plays for us, Nic Jones’s “Farewell to the Gold.” It provides a touching story of a man who, with a friend, spends his life hoping to strike it rich by prospecting for gold. In the end, his dream never comes true, and a flood leads to his friend drowning. The story is a metaphor for the real possibility that seeking gold doesn’t always work out well, and it’s important to be aware of this if we are to wisely choose our life’s pursuits.
In another song, this one called “Your Cash Ain’t Nothin’ but Trash,” by the Clovers, we hear about a woman who, in contrast to the women earning money in the Blue Money industry, this woman refuses to lower herself to a guy flashing his roll of dollars:
I was walking down the main track One night I met a fine chick She was built just right
She stopped when I flashed my roll I told her she could have all of my dough
She turned around and with a frown She said this ain’t no circus And I don’t need a clown
Your cash ain’t nothin’ but trash Your cash ain’t nothin’ but trash Your cash ain’t nothin’ but trash And there ain’t no need in your hangin’ around
As this episode winds down, Bob plays us, “You Can’t Take It With You” by Jessie Price. If you like piano, clarinet, and trumpet solos, this number is sure to put a smile on your face. And then, Bob concludes with the following words:
That was, “You Can’t Take It with You,” and one reason you can’t take it with you is that it usually leaves before you do. You know, I’m looking at my bag of records, and I brought too many again–bad planning. There are just too many songs about money to fit into a single hour, and there is no reason to cut fiscal corners. Hell, we did two shows about birds last year so we could do two about money. So, next week, we’ll dig back into our pockets, and continue to look at the filthy lucre. Join us again in seven days as we present part two of the Almighty dollar. Two shows about money, it makes good cents. See you next week.
Part Two
Bob begins part 2 by welcoming us back to the show. And then he says:
If you were listening last week, and if you weren’t, what the hell is wrong with you, but if you were listening last week, you know we started our look at cold hard cash. We had too many songs, so here we are back again.
Soon, Bob plays for us “I’ve Got Money,” sung by an incredibly energetic James Brown. It’s all about a guy who has money but still needs love. Some of the lyrics go like this:
I’ve got money And now I need love When I get my lovin’ I’ll be the happy one
The theme, it seems to me, is money without love, is simply not enough for a full life.
At one point, Bob answers his phone:
Bob: Hi caller, you’re on the air.
Caller: Hi Bob.
Bob: Where are you from?
Caller: Carbondale, Illinois.
Bob: What’s your name?
Caller: Carol.
Bob: Well, Carol, what can I do for ya?
Caller: I heard last week’s money show and I really enjoyed it.
Bob: Hey, thanks a lot. We worked hard on it.
Caller: It shows. I heard you were doing another one this week, and I was wondering if I could make a request?
Bob: What do you want to hear?
Caller: The Beatles’ song, “Money Can Buy Me Love.”
Bob: Carol, I think it’s, “Money Can’t Buy Me Love.”
Caller: No, No, it’s can buy me love. I have the record, so I know.
Bob: [insisting] Carol, It’s “Money Can’t Buy Me Love.”
Caller: I know you are Mr. Sixties, but I have the record. It’s can buy me love.
Bob: All right, Carol. We’ll look for it. Keep listening.
Caller: Thanks Bob.
Bob then hangs up, let’s out a long sigh, and says, “You can’t help some people. Carol, if you’re still listening, money can not buy you happiness, but it can buy you more places to look. Still looking for that song, but in the meantime, let’s listen to one by the Drifters.”
After some background remarks about the Drifters, Bob plays their song, “Money, Honey.” With the smooth voice of Clyde McPhatter, and some fine sax solos, the lyrics go,
You know, the landlord rang my front door bell I let it ring for a long, long spell I went to the window and peeked through the blind, And asked him to tell me what was on his mind
He said, “Money, honey! Yes, money, honey! Mhm, money, honey, If you want to stay with me.
I was cleaned and skinned and so hard-pressed I called the woman that I love the best I finally reached my baby ’bout a half past three She said, “I’d like to know what you want with me”
I said, “Money, honey! Money, honey! Money, honey, If you want to get along with me”
She screamed and said, “What’s wrong with you? From this day on, our romance is through.” I said, “Tell me, baby, face to face How could another man take my place?”
She said, “Money, honey! Money, honey! Money, honey, If you want to get along with me.
Now I learned my lesson, The wind may blow, Before I pay I will love them so.
No doubt that in some situations, without money it is hard to get along. The solution, of course, is to find some respected ways to earn some, or find situations where money is not so essential.
As the show draws to an end, Bob tells us:
We spent so much time talking about money, I want to leave you with someone who had an opposing opinion. He’s a smart guy about relativity, and he’s smart about this. We’re talking about Einstein, and he said, “I’m absolutely convinced that no wealth in the world can keep humanity from moving forward. Even in the hands of the most devoted worker the examples of great pure individuals is the only thing that can move us to noble thoughts and deeds. Money only appeals to selfishness and irresistibly invites abuse. Can anyone imagine Moses, Jesus, or Gandhi armed with the bags of money of Carnegie.” We’ll see you next week with all new themes, dreams, and schemes.
Well, that’s my post for today. I hope it provides some useful perspective on the relationship between the nature of respect and how one goes about fulfilling a desire for money.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
“Blowin’ In The Wind.” “With God On Our Side.” “Masters Of War.” These are songs Bob Dylan has written and performed expressing deep emotions about the wisdom of going to war. As I began to reflect on these songs, to my mind came the pounding of war drums, the cries of vicious insults emanating from a deadly divide, images of fear, pride, disgrace, bombs exploding, and thousands screaming in horror.
And then I found myself pulling up on the internet Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour show, and clicking to hear his specific show on the theme of war. It’s available for free HERE.
The show provides a musical meditation on war, along with Bob’s comments and his reciting of little snippets of relevant philosophical thoughts and poetry.
For many, when the topic of war comes up, they see visions of glory. Bob’s show provides a far wider vision, incorporating thoughts and emotions we would be wise to incorporate into our considerations regarding the possibility of further escalations of violent conflict in the coming days. Here are some highlights from this show.
Highlights
The show begins with a series of brief audio clips of the sounds of a country at war–bombs going off as Marine helicopters are approaching a battle field, a news reporter describing the scene of burning tanks, the voice of President Lyndon Johnson committing an additional 20,000 troops to Viet Nam as that war was escalating, etc. Then we hear Bob introducing the show’s theme:
Back to Theme Time Radio Hour. As you know, we cover a lot of ground here, but this week the subject has a greater gravity than usual. Plato once said, “Only the dead has seen the end of war,” and sadly it is as true today as it was then.
Edward Starr said, “War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.” That’s not true. War is good for the economy, and for medical and scientific advancements. What it is not good for is people. Blood is spilled too often for too little. Bertrand Russell said, “War does not determine who is right, only who is left.” As General Patton once said, “The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his.”
Today we are going to examine battles and beaches, skirmishes and embroglios, we are going to let loose the dogs of war, pay tribute to Mars in Aries, shed a tear for the widows and orphans. We’re mustering cadets, for Theme Time Radio Hour is going to war!
With this, we hear the explosion of bombs. Then Bob tells us, “It’s going to get heavy in here, so while we can, why don’t we start off on a lighter note.”
Johnny Mercer
He then introduces a rather lively, humorous song written by Johnny Mercer, titled, “The G. I. Jive” that makes fun of all of the abbreviations used in the military.
A little later, Bob plays a song by Roy Acuff, “Searching for a Soldier’s Grave.” It’s a real heartbreaker:
Somewhere here among these many soldiers
Of Americans who all died true and brave That’s where I know I’ll find him resting
So I’m here I’m searching for his grave.
You ask me stranger why I made this journey Why I crossed three thousand miles of rolling waves.
Like many others my darling’s killed in action That’s why I’m here I’m searching for his grave Somewhere here among.
When I come to this far where he’s sleeping I know it will cause more heartaches inside But I long to be by his side once more and tell him Tell him that I love him and will until I die.
Of the various songs portraying the bloody scenes of war that Bob plays in this edition of his show, “The Band Played Waltzing Matilda” is the one most graphic:
When I was a young man I carried me pack And I lived the free life of the rover From the Murray’s green basin to the dusty outback I waltzed my Matilda all over.
Then in 1915 my country said: Son, It’s time to stop rambling, there’s work to be done So they gave me a tin hat and they gave me a gun And they sent me away to the war.
And the band played Waltzing Matilda.
When the ship pulled away from the quay And amid all the tears, flag waving and cheers We sailed off for Gallipoli.
It well I remember that terrible day When our blood stained the sand and the water And how in that hell they call Suvla Bay
We were butchered like lambs at the slaughter.
Oh those that were living just tried to survive In that mad world of blood, death and fire And for ten weary weeks I kept myself alive While around me the corpses piled higher Then a big Turkish shell knocked me arse over head
And when I awoke in me hospital bed And saw what it had done, I wished I was dead I never knew there was worse things than dying
Oh no more I’ll go Waltzing Matilda All around the green bush far and near For to hump tent and pegs, a man needs both legs No more waltzing Matilda for me.
And the Band played Waltzing Matilda….
There’s quite a bit more tear soaked lyrics to this song, but you get the general idea.
At one point in the show, Bob shares a particular dislike about one aspect of wars:
Some say war is a game that men play using boys as the tools. Truth to tell, you don’t see many men in battle, but you see a lot of boys. Wars used to be fought by men and I think that fairer. Men are the ones waging the war, they ought go out and fight it.
Bob also has a heart that aches for the soldiers who come home from battle and need a helping hand, showing this by playing for us a song titled, “The Forgotten Soldier.” Here’s a few of its lines:
I’m just a poor ex-soldier that’s broken down and blue, Fought out in the Great War for the old red, white, and blue.
I left my parents and my girl I loved,
To France did go.
And fought out on the battlefield through hunger, sleet, and snow.
I saw my buddies dying, and some shellshocked and torn.
Although we never faltered at the battle of Amarne
And we were told when we left home we’d be heroes of the land,
So we came back and found no one would lend a helping hand.
About half way through the show, Bob tells us:
One staple of songs about war is the letter. Sometimes it’s the letter that the guy writes from the battlefield. Other times it’s from home. But the worse kind of letter of all to receive was one written by a military chaplain. It usually had a line in it, something like, “You would be delighted to know that your son died a hero.” It’s a nice sentiment, but I doubt it was really any solace.
Tom Waits recently wrote a song about a letter to a soldier. Here it is, “The Day After Tomorrow.”
Here’s a few of its touching lyrics.
I got your letter today And I miss you all so much here I can’t wait to see you all And I’m counting the days here….
I close my eyes every night And I dream that I can hold you
They fill us full of lies,
That everyone buys ‘Bout what it means to be a soldier
I still don’t know how
I’m supposed to feel ‘Bout all the blood that’s been spilled Will God on His throne Get me back home On the day after tomorrow
You can’t deny The other side Don’t want to die Any more than we do What I’m trying to say, Is don’t they pray To the same God that we do?
Tell me, how does God choose? Whose prayers does he refuse? Who turns the wheel? And who throws the dice On the day after tomorrow?
As Bob begins to close this show, he tells us, “I wish it was as easy to get to the end of war.” Then he says, “I want to leave you now with this song, because I didn’t want to leave the hour with war talk without giving you the opposing view. I’m going to let Los Lobos do it, and join you in wishing for peace. Stay safe.”
Here’s a few of the lyrics:
Peace to the world
I see a baby in a crib Reaching up for Mama’s arms Love is rising in their hearts, oh yeah.
There is a man standing on the street Shouting loud above the crowd Saying amen to everyone around, oh yeah.
I see a man who loved his land Laying lifeless on the ground He said the time is now To bring peace to the world Say yeah, yeah, yeah Peace to the world
We build a wall of stone As high as the trees are tall Higher then the mountains Stronger then us all, oh yeah
Some day that wall will crumble Tumble and fall, the sun will shine And bring peace to us all.
Conclusion
An American flag waving in the breeze along with stirring patriotic music; this can be a fitting end to a Hollywood movie, but before we go marching once again into war, there is far more to consider.
Bob’s show provides us a magnificent musical, literary march through many of the consequences of war too easily ignored. In the end, Bob has us turning our attention toward promoting peace.
In a recent post (see HERE) I describe five factors that have led to the human race dramatically decreasing its use of violence to settle conflicts. I then describe how a president can coordinate all five of these factors to bring about a more peaceful international situation. It is my deeply felt hope that countries, in coming years, will seek to elect leaders that have the wisdom to utilize these factors for the benefit of not just all of us, but for all of the children yet to come.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, romantic kissing.
Concerned that your romantic partner’s respect for your kissing technique might not be all that you desire? Is it okay to offer a romantic kiss on a first date? Will your date think less of you if you accept a romantic kiss on the first date? A discussion of Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour episode on kissing will enlighten us on these and other related topics.
Bob’s Introduction
Bob begins his show saying:
Today we are going to take a musical look at one of my favorite pastimes. It’s an act of intimacy, the thing that Mae West called a “man’s signature,” and I’m guessing she knows what she was talking about.
The first song that Bob plays for us is “It’s in His Kiss” by the magnificent Betty Everett. Here’s a bit of its lyrics:
Does she love me? I wanna know How can I tell if she loves me so?
Is it in her eyes? (No no you’ll be deceived) Is it in her sighs? (No no she’ll make believe) If you wanna know if she loves you so It’s in her kiss (That’s where it is)
Is it in her face? (No no that’s just her charms) In her warm embrace? (No no that’s just her arms) If you wanna know if she loves you so It’s in her kiss (That’s where it is) Oh yeah it’s in her kiss (That’s where it is)
So hold her and squeeze her tight Tell her what you wanna know If it’s love if it really is It’s there in her kiss.
The unique communication that occurs during the romantic kiss is wonderfully captured in that song. However, I tend to doubt the we can be certain someone really loves us from a kiss. The kiss is an important form of communication, but there is far more to consider in just what it actually means.
The Varied Powerful Emotions That Come with Romantic Kisses
The next song Bob plays for us is sung by Lefty Frizzell, “Always Late with Your Kisses.” Here we learn that how someone handles romantic kisses can provide some hard to handle messages.
How long do you think that I can wait When you know you’re always late Always late with your kisses Won’t you come to my arms sweet darlin’ and stay You’re always late with your kisses Why, oh why do you want to do me this way?
The song, sung in the most melancholy manner, suggests to me that if your romantic partner leans over to kiss you, if you are a little late in joining the kiss, it might be a signal that something isn’t quite right with the romance. Moreover, if instead of lingering in your arms during the kiss, she or he ends it a little too quickly, well, that may be another signal that something is wrong. Given how popular the song was, spending 12 weeks on the country charts, clearly indicates it touched something pretty sensitive in the heart of many a listener.
Bob goes on from here to songs that bring up such topics as passionate kissing, kissing in the dark, french kissing, finding lipstick on your collar, catching your woman kissing your best friend, making up after an argument kissing, and the fact that you don’t have to be rich to enjoy a wonderful kiss. He eventually gets back to our “romantic kissing” topic, with the Everly Brothers song, “Till I Kissed You.” Here’s a few lines of its romantic lyrics:
Never felt like this until I kissed ya’ How did I exist until I kissed ya’, Never had you on my mind, Now you’re there all the time, Never knew what I missed till I kissed ya’, uh huh, I kissed ya’, oh yeah… You don’t realize what you doin to me, and I didn’t realize what a kiss could be, Mmm, you got a way about ya’, Now I can’t live without ya’,
The song really captures how emotionally powerful a romantic kiss can have on a person.
A Specific Kissing Technique
Half way through the show, Bob checks his email and finds one of them perfect for today’s theme. Lawrence writes:
Dear Theme Time gang,I heard from the grapevine that you were doing a show about kissing. I can sure use your help. My girlfriend says I’m a bad kisser. We get along great but I’m afraid this one problem is going to ruin the whole thing. Please help.
Bob responds:
Well, Lawrence, kissing is an important part of a relationship. And it’s one of those things that you have to be relaxed to do. So the fact that you are getting anxious about it isn’t helping you one bit. However, I can give you a few tips. Armed with this knowledge you’ll feel a little more confident and be able to set things right. First of all, make sure your lips are moist. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss her. No one wants to kiss sandpaper. Stand close to your partner, you don’t want her to reach too far. Tilt your head slightly to one side. Close your eyes just before your lips meet. Just close them. Some people like to keep their eyes opened during a kiss, but until you understand your partner’s preference, better to play it safe and close your eyes. Open your lips slightly, not like you are about to swallow her whole head, just a little bit, and don’t hold your breath. Breath through your nose. Press your partner’s lips gently. Move your lips in a slow circular motion. Be gentle but firm. And finally, and I can’t stress this enough, have a pocketful of mints. There is no underestimating the fact of good breath. Good luck and happy kissing. I hope it won’t be long till you hear your girl say, “baby let me kiss ya just one more time.”
That there is a pretty decent description of a decent kiss, but I would add one more suggestion for helping him. Why not encourage him to ask his girlfriend what she would like him to do differently when they kiss? For example, she might prefer to be held within his arms more firmly while they are kissing, or perhaps a little gentler approach would be more to her liking.
First Night Kisses
An issue sometimes comes up as to whether or not a guy will lose respect for a gal if she lets him kiss her on their first date. And what about a guy who tries to kiss a girl romantically on a first date? Would he be disrespectful to her for trying. To get into this topic, Bob plays us a recording of some guy taking the following position:
Jerry not only sees Margaret home, but opens the door for her, and then, well, they’ve been going steady for some time now, and there are some customs that are very enjoyable. But now Frank has a new problem, should he try on a first date to kiss his date. He sees her to her door, and thanks her for going out with him. No, he should not try to kiss her good night on a first date. But he does ask her for another date soon.
Bob doesn’t tell us who this guy is, but there is little doubt that there are people who agree with him that a kiss on the first date is a no no. There is also little doubt that people hold different positions on this topic. Take me, for example. I grew up in Brooklyn, and before I was married, and was dating back in the late 1960s and early 70s, when I asked a gal out, I did so because I had some romantic feelings for her. If, by the end of the evening, when we arrived back at her home, if I still felt romantic toward her, I would say I had a very pleasant time, and pause to see if she said something similar. If she did say something similar, I would very slowly and gently lean toward her, observing her reaction as I did so, and if I saw no sign of resistance, my eyes would close and our lips would join for a romantic kiss. If she seemed to get into it, I would feel a wonderful high sensation, not only during the kiss, but all the way home. I never had any sense of disrespect toward the gal for joining me in such a good night kiss.
I’m not saying my position is the correct one. I think it is a good idea to get a sense of the community standard before making a choice about how to respectfully act under such circumstances. Discuss the issue with friends and family members. I also believe that regardless of the community standard, using any force to get a good night kiss, or using any pressure is disrespectful and wrong.
Closing Words
Toward the close of the show, Bob gets back to the topic of the emotions that come from a romantic kiss by playing us a final song, and then reciting a poem. He introduces the song by inviting us to “listen to one of the old masters, the fountainhead from which all music flows, Louis Armstrong, and a song that was the centerpiece for his live performances in the later period of his life. This is a version that he recorded in 19 and 51, ‘A Kiss to Build a Dream on.'”
Here’s a few of that song’s wonderfully romantic lyrics:
Give me a kiss to build a dream on And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss Sweetheart, I ask no more than this A kiss to build a dream on Give me a kiss before you leave me And my imagination will feed my hungry heart Leave me one thing before we part A kiss to build a dream on And when I’m alone with my fancies, I’ll be with you Weaving romances, making believe they’re true Oh, give me your lips for just a moment And my imagination will make that moment live Give me what you alone can give A kiss to build a dream on
A kiss to build a dream on–can there be a better way to capture the essence of a romantic kiss?
After this song, Bob recites a Robert Burns poem. It’s called “To A Kiss”:
Robert Burns
Humid seal of soft affections,
Tend’rest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love’s first snow-drop, virgin kiss.
Speaking silence, dumb confession, Passion’s birth, and infants’ play, Dove-like fondness, chaste concession, Glowing dawn of brighter day.
Sorrowing joy, adieu’s last action, Ling’ring lips, — no more to join! What words can ever speak affection Thrilling and sincere as thine!
Pretty fine words for me to close today’s post. Here’s hoping you’ll join us once again right here at From Insults to Respect, and may all of your romantic kisses be thrilling and sincere.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, friends.
To enrich our sense of the value of friends and its connection to respect, it’s worthwhile to consider how Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan deals with this topic on his Theme Time Radio Hour episode, “Friends and Neighbors.” So, without further ado, here’s Bob’s take on friends.
Bob on Friends
Early in the show, Bob plays us a lively tune by Porter Wagoner and the Wagonmasters called “Howdie Neighbors.” Despite the title, it’s not just about greeting people who live next door or on your block. People from all over the community are invited to a grand party with music, dancing, and sharing a bite to eat. It sounds like a great way to meet some new friends and catch up a little with some old ones as well. Conjure up in your mind a lively fiddle, a frolicking banjo, and the following lyrics:
Howdy neighbor, howdy, get out and come right in We’ll make a bowl of gravy to sop your biscuits in So howdy neighbor howdy come in and sit right down Come on and tell us all the news how are things in town
We’re so glad to see you, Been a wonderin’ how you’ve been Everybody’s feelin’ fine,
So let the fun begin Get the banjo off the wall and tune it up in [the key of] A Play some good ole country tunes like grandpa used to play
As the song winds down, Bob greets us listeners with a hearty, “I want you all to be my friends.”
Nietzsche
And then he solemnly quotes Friedrich Nietzsche:
“Go up close to your friends, but do not go over to him. We should respect the enemy that is in our friends.”
Said another way, it is important to get close to good friends, but we should keep in mind that all have faults, including our friends. Therefore, we would be wise to find a way to remain close to our friends, but, at the same time, when we see our friend begin to do some unhealthy acts, we shouldn’t just go ahead and join along in these acts just to remain friends. If your friend takes out some heroin, perhaps you might want to politely refuse to partake.
Next, Bob tells us a little about Sister Rosetta Tharpe, the lead singer of the song he is about to play, “Don’t Take Everybody to Be Your Friend.”
“She’s a powerful force of nature, a guitar playin’, singin’ evangelist…Anything but ordinary and plain. She was a big, good lookin’ woman, and divine. Not to mention sublime and splendid, always dressed like she was on her way to church, with that electric guitar strung across her shoulder.”
Here’s a few of the lyrics from a mighty impressive performer:
Oooh don’t, don’t take everybody to be your friend. You just bear this in mind A true friend is hard to find. Please don’t take everybody to be your friend.
Some will cause you to weep, Some will cause you to moan, Some will gain your confidence, And cause you to lose your home. You just bear this in mind A true friend is hard to find. Please, don’t take everybody to be your friend.
Choose your friends wisely is obviously the central message here.
Moving right along, Bob tells us about Moon Mullican, a Texan. Bob surmises the guy must be a friendly fellow from the song he sings, “Make Friends.”
Make friends with the rich, Make friends with the poor, Make friends with the high, Make friends with the low.
Even a little child, You oughta greet him with a smile. While travelin’ through this world, try to make friends.
Wear a smile, not a frown, Don’t you put your neighbour down. While travelin’ through this world, try to make friends.
Sometimes you may be weak, Sometimes you may be strong. Sometimes talked about, sometimes treated wrong. But you just can’t miss,
If you’ll remember this, While travelin’ through this world, Try to make friends.
The delightful interplay between the piano and guitar on that one offers us a metaphor for what beauty can come from two different folks doing their things together.
Next, Bob tells us about one of the wisest guys he ever got to know, Muhammad Ali, who once said, “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything at all.”
As you can see, Bob likes to provide some relevant quotes throughout his show. Here’s one from Aristotle:
In poverty, and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a true refuge. To the young, they help to keep out of mischief, to the old, they are a comfort and aid, and those in the prime of life, they incite to noble deeds.
A little later in the show Bob tells us:
If you need a friend, here’s some things that makes a good friend: Good friends listen to each other. Good friends help each others solve problems. Friends are dependable. This one is very important, good friends never borrow money. Good friends never change the channel on your radio. Good friends will always tell you when you have food in your teeth. Good friends sometimes pay for dinner. And good friends sometimes let you have the last beer. And if you are doing all of those things, maybe you’ll have a friend, like Carol King sings about. Here’s Carol King. She’s going to brighten up even your darkest night.
From here, Bob launches into Carol’s classic song, “You got a Friend.” A few of the lyrics go:
When you’re down and troubled, And you need some love and care, And nothing, nothing is going right, Close your eyes and think of me, And soon I will be there To brighten up even your darkest night.
You just call out my name And you know wherever I am I’ll come running to see you again Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I’ll be there You’ve got a friend
If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds And that old north wind begins to blow Keep your head together and call my name out loud Soon you’ll hear me knocking at your door…
Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend When people can be so cold? They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you And take your soul if you let them, Oh, but don’t you let them.
You just call out my name And you know wherever I am I’ll come running, running, yeah, yeah, yeah, to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall All you have to do is call And I’ll be there, yes I will. You’ve got a friend.
Tapestry, the Carol King album this song appears on, was the most popular of the early 1970s era, remaining on the charts for over 6 years. So, on that series of notes, I think we’ll begin to fade out for this week. I hope you enjoyed our little meditation on friends, and I hope you’ll join us again right here at From Insults to Respect.
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional and social intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
As most of you know, controversy flared upon the announcement that Bob Dylan was awarded the 2016 Nobel Prize for Literature. Some heatedly argued there are others more worthy of the prize. In this vein, a guy named Rob Delany tweeted:
“Bob Dylan wins the Nobel Prize for Literature? What’s next, Derek Jeter wins a Tony for his rice pilaf???”
In contrast, Director Martin Scorsese put out a statement saying he was “overjoyed” that Dylan was awarded the prize. He went on from here to say:
“Dylan’s poetry, his musical genius, has meant so much to me personally and to generations of people around the world. His work has impacted and shaped culture, and he has never stopped exploring and growing as an artist. The Nobel Committee has given Dylan a form of recognition that befits his role in our culture — in world culture.”
No doubt the Pulitzer Prize Committee members agree with Scorsese, they having awarded Dylan the Pulitzer Prize in 2016 for his “profound impact on popular music and American culture, marked by lyrical compositions of extraordinary poetic power.”
Some felt Bob should refuse to accept the reward because of how Alfred Nobel earned his money. Thus, a Star Tribune article informs us that:
Alfred Nobel was the inventor of dynamite and was one of the original (to quote from one Dylan song) “Masters of war/You that build the big bombs” — i.e. he not only was a major producer of modern cannon, but also was one of the first modern armament producers. In addition, a premature obituary of Nobel, calling him a “merchant of death,” presumably inspired Nobel to turn philanthropist by creating the prizes.
Dylan’s song “Masters of War,” has a verse that goes:
Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good?
Will it buy you forgiveness?
Do you think that it could?
I think you will find
When death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul.
To be fair, dynamite has some very useful peacetime functions, such as blasting for the construction of tunnels. Moreover, most current day bombs no longer use dynamite. In any case, Bob did accept the award? Was he right to have done so. Would have you respected him more if he had refused it.
Bob’s Acceptance Speech
In thinking about your answer, it might help to take a look at Bob’s acceptance letter:
Good evening, everyone. I extend my warmest greetings to the members of the Swedish Academy and to all of the other distinguished guests in attendance tonight.
I’m sorry I can’t be with you in person, but please know that I am most definitely with you in spirit and honored to be receiving such a prestigious prize. Being awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature is something I never could have imagined or seen coming. From an early age, I’ve been familiar with and reading and absorbing the works of those who were deemed worthy of such a distinction: Kipling, Shaw, Thomas Mann, Pearl Buck, Albert Camus, Hemingway. These giants of literature whose works are taught in the schoolroom, housed in libraries around the world and spoken of in reverent tones have always made a deep impression. That I now join the names on such a list is truly beyond words.
I don’t know if these men and women ever thought of the Nobel honor for themselves, but I suppose that anyone writing a book, or a poem, or a play anywhere in the world might harbor that secret dream deep down inside. It’s probably buried so deep that they don’t even know it’s there.
If someone had ever told me that I had the slightest chance of winning the Nobel Prize, I would have to think that I’d have about the same odds as standing on the moon. In fact, during the year I was born and for a few years after, there wasn’t anyone in the world who was considered good enough to win this Nobel Prize. So, I recognize that I am in very rare company, to say the least.
I was out on the road when I received this surprising news, and it took me more than a few minutes to properly process it. I began to think about William Shakespeare, the great literary figure. I would reckon he thought of himself as a dramatist. The thought that he was writing literature couldn’t have entered his head. His words were written for the stage. Meant to be spoken not read. When he was writing Hamlet, I’m sure he was thinking about a lot of different things: “Who’re the right actors for these roles?” “How should this be staged?” “Do I really want to set this in Denmark?” His creative vision and ambitions were no doubt at the forefront of his mind, but there were also more mundane matters to consider and deal with. “Is the financing in place?” “Are there enough good seats for my patrons?” “Where am I going to get a human skull?” I would bet that the farthest thing from Shakespeare’s mind was the question “Is this literature?”
When I started writing songs as a teenager, and even as I started to achieve some renown for my abilities, my aspirations for these songs only went so far. I thought they could be heard in coffee houses or bars, maybe later in places like Carnegie Hall, the London Palladium. If I was really dreaming big, maybe I could imagine getting to make a record and then hearing my songs on the radio. That was really the big prize in my mind. Making records and hearing your songs on the radio meant that you were reaching a big audience and that you might get to keep doing what you had set out to do.
Well, I’ve been doing what I set out to do for a long time, now. I’ve made dozens of records and played thousands of concerts all around the world. But it’s my songs that are at the vital center of almost everything I do. They seemed to have found a place in the lives of many people throughout many different cultures and I’m grateful for that.
But there’s one thing I must say. As a performer I’ve played for 50,000 people and I’ve played for 50 people and I can tell you that it is harder to play for 50 people. 50,000 people have a singular persona, not so with 50. Each person has an individual, separate identity, a world unto themselves. They can perceive things more clearly. Your honesty and how it relates to the depth of your talent is tried. The fact that the Nobel committee is so small is not lost on me.
But, like Shakespeare, I too am often occupied with the pursuit of my creative endeavors and dealing with all aspects of life’s mundane matters. “Who are the best musicians for these songs?” “Am I recording in the right studio?” “Is this song in the right key?” Some things never change, even in 400 years.
Not once have I ever had the time to ask myself, “Are my songs literature?”
So, I do thank the Swedish Academy, both for taking the time to consider that very question, and, ultimately, for providing such a wonderful answer.
My best wishes to you all,
Bob Dylan
My Opinion
Well, first of all, Dylan should be free to choose to do whatever he wants. He’s been doing pretty well without my advice all these years and, anyway, I think it’s unlikely he would give a good hoot what my opinion is on this matter. Moreover, I don’t like it when someone tells me what I should do, so applying the golden rule, I’ll not “should” him. I will, however, express an opinion about what I, personally, think makes sense.
If Dylan and I were together, I’d first ask him if he would mind if I let him know what I would like him to do. If he said no, I would respect this. If he said yes, here’s what I would say.
“Well, Bob, it seems to me that you are kind of like a guy who has found himself somehow perched on top of a narrow fence, struggling to keep his balance. If he falls on one side, he’d end up in the mucky manure of folks who think he would be an awful sellout for accepting the award. If he ends up landing on the other side, he’d end up in the mucky manure of folks who think that he would be disrespectful of a bunch of fine folks, such as Martin Luther King, Jr. and Albert Einstein. Such folks were as passionate as anyone with regards to promoting peaceful ways to work out human problems and yet chose to accept a Nobel Prize.
“It seems to me, Bob, that I can spot a way down from that narrow fence; a way in which you can avoid much of the nasty muck. Climbing down off the side of the fence, with a little care and skill, I think I spy a small spot where the grass is still emerald green.
“What I have in mind, Bob, is taking advantage of this international stage moment to express why you are ambivalent about accepting the award. Next, mention that your song, “Masters of War,” helps to capture some of the feelings you personally feel. Then sing the song to the audience. A great gesture would be to donate the approximately $900,000 award to a worthy cause. You’d still be able to keep the 18-caret gold medal that also comes with the prize, or sell it. Two earlier Nobel winners have sold their metals, fetching $765,002 and $4.7 million in auctions.
Words of President Dwight D. Eisenhower
“I realize that the approach I’m suggesting would still result in many of those individuals that work for the military industrial complex spitting on your soul. And I also realize that most Americans with no direct connection to the military industrial complex genuinely believe, for many good reasons, that without a strong military, some warlike countries would be eager to take advantage of us. And I also realize that if you were to remain silent, there would be many who would cry out that you don’t have the courage of your convictions. So, yes, the road of an artist is always deeply challenging.”
Well, those are my thoughts. How do the rest of you feel about how Bob handled the situation?
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, addiction. When we see we have become addicted to something and find we are having difficulty breaking the habit, we may begin to lose some self respect. And sometimes our actions related to our addictions lead to others losing respect for us. So, it makes sense that we spend a little time giving this topic some thought.
Regular readers of this blog know that from time to time I like to enrich some ideas about a subject with some relevant thoughts that Bob Dylan has shared on his Theme Time Radio Hour show. His entertaining mixture of insightful observations with songs, humor, and poetry leaves us with a deeper sense of the topic at hand.
It just so happens that Bob has done three shows on themes related to today’s topic–“Smoking,” “Drinking,” and “Coffee.” Let’s begin with smoking.
Bob’s Show on the Theme of Smoking
Bob introduces his theme on smoking with the background music of “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” and the following words:
Today’s show is all about smoking. We’re not here to encourage it or to glorify it. You’re smart enough to look up all the facts. What we’re going to do over the next hour, is to give a looking and a listen to what happens when the tobacco plant collides with popular culture. As Oscar Wilde once said, “A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure; it is exquisite and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?” We’ll be examining tobacco in all of its forms, from plant, to ash, with stops at cigars, cigarette, snuff, and chewing tobacco. So sit back, smoke em if you got em, and enjoy the next 60 minutes as we blow a few musical smoke rings your way.
Then, Bob launches into a song by Tex Williams and His Western Caravan: Smoke! Smoke! Smoke! (That Cigarette):
Now I’m a fellow with a heart of gold
With the ways of a gentleman, I’ve been told
A kind of a fellow that wouldn’t even harm a flea
But if me and a certain character met
That guy that invented the cigarette
I’d murder that son of a gun in the first degree.
It ain’t that I don’t smoke myself
And I don’t reckon they’ll injure your health
I’ve smoked ’em all my life and I ain’t dead yet.
But nicotine slaves are all the same
At a pleasant party or a poker game
Everythin’s gotta stop
When they have that cigarette.
Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
Puff, puff, puff and if you smoke yourself to death
Tell St. Peter at the Golden Gate that you hate to make him wait
But you just gotta have another cigarette.
I get a pretty clear sense from that song that the singer is not exactly thrilled with his smoking habit.
Several of the songs that Bob plays on this show expresses a longing for the next cigarette. He tries to explain this longing as follows:
One of the problems when you smoke is when you’re not smoking, you can have one of those nicotine fits. Here’s how nicotine fits work. Nicotine is physically addictive; it alters your brain functions. Every nerve in your brain’s nervous system has these very tiny neurotransmitters. Nicotine works on some of them, tricking your body that it needs more of these receptors. When you started smoking, your body started responding to the nicotine, and started growing these extra receptors. Over the years, your body has gotten used to these extra receptors, and needs the nicotine to feed them. When you stop smoking, your body thinks your body’s transmitters have been shut off. Your body seeks equilibrium. That’s what the craving for nicotine comes from. When you have a craving for nicotine, the only thing that will help you, is another cigarette.
Bob’s description of the addiction process is somewhat simplified, and he may be a bit off when he says that in responding to the nicotine the body starts growing these extra receptors. The theory I have heard discussed in the scientific literature (see HERE) suggests that nicotine tricks your body so that it actually reduces the number of your receptors.
Your body does so, according to this theory, because at first the nicotine leads to your receptors firing more frequently than usual. This leads to feeling more alert, which some of us experience as rather pleasant. But your body recognizes that if you were to keep firing those receptors at the pace that occurs when you first started smoking, certain functions in your body will end up exhausted. Thus, your body starts to reduce the number of these receptors. In the scientific literature, this process is called “down regulation” or “tolerance.”
For smokers, we see evidence of tolerance in studies that indicate fewer responses than do non-smokers to the same amount of nicotine (Perkins et al. 2001b). More specifically, we see a reduction on measures of subjective stimulation that may be viewed as pleasurable, such as arousal, vigor, and a subjective experience often referred to as “head rush” or “buzz.”
Once the down regulation process is complete, you end up with enough receptors to function fairly well as long as you are smoking. However, shortly after you pause from smoking even for a few minutes, you end up not having enough of these receptors to do what they were originally designed to do. It is this shortage of receptors that occurs when there is not enough nicotine in your system to keep your receptors firing at a rate that would typically occur if you were not addicted to the drug that leads to the uncomfortable, sluggish, stressful feelings that lead to a craving for the next cigarette. When you light up, you feel relief because now the reduced amount of receptors are sufficient to carry out your major life functions in a less distressed manner.
The relief that smokers feel each time they give themselves another dose of nicotine creates the powerful illusion that cigarettes help them to deal with stress. Thus, in a study published in the American Psychologist, researchers found the following:
Smokers often report that cigarettes help relieve feelings of stress. However, the stress levels of adult smokers are slightly higher than those of nonsmokers, adolescent smokers report increasing levels of stress as they develop regular patterns of smoking, and smoking cessation leads to reduced stress. Far from acting as an aid for mood control, nicotine dependency seems to exacerbate stress. This is confirmed in the daily mood patterns described by smokers, with normal moods during smoking and worsening moods between cigarettes. Thus, the apparent relaxant effect of smoking only reflects the reversal of the tension and irritability that develop during nicotine depletion. Dependent smokers need nicotine to remain feeling normal. The message that tobacco use does not alleviate stress but actually increases it needs to be far more widely known.
Theoretically, this same process is largely the reason why people become addicted to other substances, such as alcohol, caffeine, illegal drugs, and even the drugs that psychiatrists prescribe, such as the so called antianxiety drugs (anxiolytics), antidepressants, and ADHD stimulants such as Ritalin. They all have the potential of creating for addicted people the illusion that they are functioning better than they did before they started consuming the addictive drug.
Another major part of the addiction process is that the addictive substance often is used as part of a ceremony creating a very pleasant experience. As an example of this, Bob has us listen to the actor John Cusack explaining his smoking habit:
John Cusack
To me, cigars are a much better situation than cigarettes. Cigarettes are compulsive and cigars are kinda, languid, luminous conversation. Like you’re gonna sit for a couple of hours and talk to somebody. If you gotta smoke, I would say, at least have a long conversation with someone you like, rather than just compulsively sucking down a cigarette. That’s how I’m gonna lie to myself so I can keep smoking cigars.
Although the cigarette habit is not John’s cup of tea, many people have fond associations of sharing a cigarette with others, and drinkers have associations of some very good times hanging out with their buddies. Of course, others have very negative associations with an addictive substance, as one of Bob’s song selections suggests. Here are a few of the lyrics from “Dim Lights, Thick Smoke, and Loud, Loud Music” by Joe Maphis and Rose Lee:
Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud loud music
Is the only kind of life you’ll ever understand
Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud loud music
You’ll never make a wife to a home lovin’ man
A home and little children mean nothing to you
A house filled with love and a husband that’s true
You’d rather have a drink with the first guy you’ll meet
And the only home you know is the club down the street
Dim lights, thick smoke…
Dim lights, thick smoke…
Well, that should give you a little feel for Bob’s show that focussed on the smoking theme. Now, let’s turn our attention, with Bob’s help, to another addictive substance.
Bob’s Show on the Theme of Drinking
Bob begins this show with the following words:
“Sit down and enjoy yourself as we discuss the world of liquid libation, booze, sauce, hooch, white lightning, fire water, hard stuff, pick me up, gin and juice, moonshine, canned heat. We’re going to start off with George Zimmerman and the Thrills doing “Ain’t Got No Money to Pay for this Drink.”
With a great rollicking sax backing up the lead singer, a few of the lyrics go like this:
I ain’t got no money to pay for this drink, But boy I need it bad,
My wine headed baby’s taken everything I had.
Here we see a basic theme of addiction; something very upsetting happens to the addicted (my baby’s taken everything I had) and they have come to believe that they have to turn to the addictive substance to deal with the resulting emotional experience. Moreover they will seek the substance even when they no longer have the money to attain it.
After the song, Bob plays us a little audio clip of Ray Milland’s Academy Award winning portrayal of Mr. Birnam, an alcoholic in the movie, “The Lost Weekend.”
“Just give me a drink,” says Mr. Birnam with exquisite anguish.
The bartender, in a disbelieving voice: “Mr. Birnam, this is the morning!”
“That’s when you need it most, in the morning,” Mr. Birnam replies with disgust. “Haven’t you learned that yet! At night, it’s a drink, in the morning, it’s medicine!”
During Bob’s show on drinking, several of the songs show us the dark side of this activity from the perspective of family members. My personal favorite is, “Don’t Come Home A-Drinkin'” by Loretta Lynn. Here’s a few of the lyrics:
Well you thought I’d be waitin’ up when you came home last night You’d been out with all the boys and you ended up half tight But liquor and love they just don’t mix Leave the bottle or me behind And don’t come home a drinkin’ with lovin’ on your mind.
Like smoking cigarettes, drinking is often associated with particularly good times, and that’s part of the addiction process. Bob makes this point when he introduces us to American TV host and comedian, Jimmy Kimmel, who tells us why he enjoys beer so much:
Beer is, it’s not just a drink to me, it represents something, it reminds me of being in college and high school, and discovering getting drunk, and having a sixteen pack in the trunk of my friend, Tommy’s car, drinking it hot out of the can in a parking lot in Las Vegas. Something about beer equals good times to me.
Bob goes on from here to play a couple of songs that bring home this notion that for some, the association of drinking with good times, going out and meeting people, dancing, and partying is all just plain fun. But the vast majority of the songs he plays throughout this show mixes the fun stuff with some pretty sad stuff as well.
Bob’s Show on the Theme of Coffee
Here’s Bob introducing his show on coffee:
Welcome to Theme Time Radio Hour, full of caffeinated dreams, schemes, and themes. Pour yourself a hot, steaming cup of joe, cause we’re going to be talking about the amber liquid of life. No matter what you call it, it’s a drink made from a shrub of a tree. I’m talking about coffee. They call it a man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person a feeling of luxury and nobility.
There’s no question here that Bob likes his cup of java as he launches into the Ink Spots doing Java Jives, which is basically a love song to coffee.
I love java, sweet and hot Shoot me the pot and I’ll pour me a shot
Oh, slip me a slug from that wonderful mug And I’ll cut a rug till I’m snug in a jug
As sweet as a cup of coffee is, for some it’s even better with a cigarette, as Jerry Irby tells us in his song, One Cup of Coffee and a Cigarette:
Now when I get up in the morning
And I’m feeling mighty low
There’s just one thing that will pep me up
And I want you all to know.
Well it happens every morning
No matter where I’m at
I just gotta have a cup of coffee And a cigarette
Coffee, coffee, And a Cigarette Is a habit That you can’t forget…
As most of you know, coffee has, for some of us, some negatives. As examples, it can be moderately costly, it is associated with headaches and sleeping problems, and since it is usually consumed very hot, it may, according to some recent epidemiological data, be slightly related to throat cancer. But most people who drink coffee live to a ripe old age and believe the positive pleasures are well worth dealing with the negatives.
Final Thoughts
Well, there you have it, a little Bob Dylan meditation on the nature of addiction. As I listened to his shows, it came vividly clear to me that many people reach a point at which they decide that they want to get off the merry-go-round of their addiction. When this occurs, what is the best way to go about doing this?
I’ll soon be writing a follow-up post to address this question. I can sure use some help with this, so if any of you have some favorite ideas on this subject, please don’t hesitate to send them along either by making a comment in the comment section below, or on the various social media groups that I participate in.
Hoping to hear from you,
My Best,
Jeff
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Some people will enjoy reading this blog by beginning with the first post and then moving forward to the next more recent one; then to the next one; and so on. This permits readers to catch up on some ideas that were presented earlier and to move through all of the ideas in a systematic fashion to develop their emotional intelligence. To begin at the very first post you can click HERE.
While working on this post, I happened to be listening to Bob Dylan’s song, “False Profit,” which appears on his new album, Rough and Rowdy Ways. A couple of its lines suddenly caught my attention:
Bob’s lyrics leave a lot to each listener’s imagination, which is true of many of his songs. Therefore, I don’t mean to suggest my interpretation of “False Prophet” is the only proper one. But I humbly invite you to join me to to see if my very personal reaction might be of value.
These lines returned me to when Bob began his musical career. Taken by his songs that so captured the pulse of events that were unfolding during the 1960s, some began to say he was a prophet. There are several definitions of a prophet, so let’s take a quick look at them:
When Bob was asked in a 1965 interview about those who were saying he was a prophet, he laughed and said humbly, “I’m just a song and dance man.” But this didn’t stop many who began to treat him as a kind of holy messenger, and some with this bent of mind began showing up at his home as if they were participating in a religious pilgrimage. Bob tried to disabuse people of such notions, but at the same time, he wanted to promote his career, and to express his emotions, feelings, and personal views in his musical art form. 
These lines delineate some of the values that Bob has railed against, and upon revealing them in his songs, it has led to his being attacked, and such attacks has led him to go to a very lonely place. It seems to me, in this verse, Bob doesn’t claim to have prophetic powers for the values that he holds, rather, he tells us, “I just know what I know.”
Here, Bob seems to be saying, “I’m not claiming to be better than anyone else, but I am claiming no one is inherently better than me. And people who do claim to be better than me, are greedy, and when they die and get buried, I prays for their souls.”
My interpretation of these lines is that for those claiming he is a false prophet, they are seeing something that really doesn’t exist. He then tries to cool their anger, and perhaps his own anger as well, with the calming imagery of a cool breeze and some pleasant experiences in a garden.
Give a listen to his tender song, “Girl From the North Country” as an example of Bob expressing feelings that are in utter contrast to the angry fellow we hear in “False Prophet.”I’m sorry I can’t be with you in person, but please know that I am most definitely with you in spirit and honored to be receiving such a prestigious prize. Being awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature is something I never could have imagined or seen coming. From an early age, I’ve been familiar with and reading and absorbing the works of those who were deemed worthy of such a distinction: Kipling, Shaw, Thomas Mann, Pearl Buck, Albert Camus, Hemingway. These giants of literature whose works are taught in the schoolroom, housed in libraries around the world and spoken of in reverent tones have always made a deep impression. That I now join the names on such a list is truly beyond words.
People engage in self-promotional behavior because they want others to hold favorable images of them. Self-promotion, however, entails a trade-off between conveying one’s positive attributes and being seen as bragging. We propose that people get this trade-off wrong because they erroneously project their own feelings onto their interaction partners. As a consequence, people overestimate the extent to which recipients of their self-promotion will feel proud of and happy for them, and underestimate the extent to which recipients will feel annoyed (Experiments 1 and 2). Because people tend to promote themselves excessively when trying to make a favorable impression on others, such efforts often backfire, causing targets of self-promotion to view self-promoters as less likeable and as braggarts (Experiment 3).
Because bragging is rarely viewed as a positive characteristic, in general, I recommend that anytime you are tempted to reveal some information about one of your fine accomplishments or attributes, pause for a few seconds. During the pause, ask yourself how your statement might be received.
There are people you will meet who claim everything they do is perfect, even better than perfect, just stupendously superb. This can get pretty tiresome, and if the person doing the bragging is someone you care about, it can be hurting her or his reputation.
I’d be a little nervous trying this one. I’m pretty sure some will see through the subterfuge and recognize I’ve tired of the person blowing her or his own horn.
As regular readers to this blog know, when I want to take a few minutes to enrich a topic, I often look to see if Nobel Laureate Bob Dylan explored this topic on one of his Theme Time Radio Hour shows. This has worked well, for his show is so much fun, and I receive a great deal of positive feedback whenever I do this.
Welcome back to Theme Time Radio Hour. Put the apples away for we’re not trying to keep the doctors away this week. A matter of fact we’re gonna invite them in, ‘cause for the next hour, we’re gonna discuss that noble occupation of the followers of Hippocrates. 
The first song Bob plays for us is “Dear Doctor,” by the Rolling Stones. It’s about a guy none too happy about getting married. Here’s some of the lyrics:
This connection between doctors and God comes about, I think, from the association of both apparently being capable of performing miracles. A “miracle” is a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency. But, is it wise to put doctors on the same level as God? Is that too much respect to put on anyone? Hmmmm.
The first doctors can be seen in ancient cave paintings, some of them thousands of years old. They show men in animal masks performing ritual dances. 
From Bob’s little history, we see that for many centuries, healing was often bound up with religious practices. Healers would seek to draw upon the favors of their God or Gods using a variety of rituals.
I swear by Apollo Healer, by Asclepius, by Hygieia, by Panacea, and by all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will carry out, according to my ability and judgment, this oath and this indenture.
If push comes to shove, and you find yourself wanting to find someone who could do what the doctor couldn’t, here’s “The Five Blind Boys From Mississippi” doing “You Done What the Doctor Couldn’t do.” 
Everyone will give you different medical advice. People tell you what to eat, what medicine to take, how to avoid illness, how to cure illness. But if you want to know the truth for me is that we’re all gonna go. All you can do is try to make it as interesting as possible.
Welcome to From Insults To Respect. Today, Fathers Day, with many of us gathering with family members, it seems an apt time to take a few minutes to think about what family means to us.
Welcome once again to Theme Time Radio Hour. I got nothing to sell, nothing to promote, just a good friend stopping by.
As Thomas Jefferson once said, “The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I rested at home in the bosom of my family.” Old TJ was a smart guy. 
Well, Melody, that’s an interesting question. Parents shouldn’t have favorites among their children, but sometimes they do. You should forget about trying to convince him that he is being unreasonable and instead pose a couple of questions. Do you think his son needs stricter rules than his daughter? Is he perhaps remembering what he did as a child? How is his strictness affecting the children? I think perhaps the best solution is to do more things as a complete family. Don’t break them up into small teams or units. The more things you do together, he will treat both children equally. I’m sure you guys will work it out. And stop giving my shows away. 
Other people have put that tag on him in some otherworldly sense. I say it as any kid who admired his dad and had a great relationship with him. He never missed a single Little League game I had. He’s collected every home-run ball I ever hit. And he’s still affectionate to me.” He paused and smiled. “Maybe he doesn’t want people to know that,” he said. “
But I’ll tell you, because it’s my interview.”…. “Look, he’s the best at what I do. I know that, and so do my heroes. I got to watch my heroes meet him and saw how they reacted, whether it was Joe Strummer or Tom Waits. It was peculiar. I’m so stoked to meet Tom Waits, and he’s so nervous to meet my dad. It’s a head spin.”
These days, many are performing their jobs from home and are missing the camaraderie of their workplace. Such drastic changes in their lives, and that of their families, give us reason to reflect on what work means to us.
Given the main focus of this blog, you might wonder what work has to do with respect. Well, many people achieve a great deal of respect from the work they do, while others are humbled by finding they have had little choice but to take a job far different from what they had aspired to in earlier days. Others, having lost their job and finding themselves falling deep into poverty, may be questioning their own self respect. So, without any further ado, here’s a little meditation on this topic insightfully aided by Bob Dylan’s “work” episode from his Theme Time Radio Hour series, which we can listen to 
Welcome back to Theme Time Radio Hour, and this week we’re talking about work. We’re talkin’ about golden parachutes, poison pills, golden handshakes. We’re talking about workin’ like a dog, work around the clock, workin’ 9 to 5; talking about all the workin’ stiffs who’re workin’ for a livin’, who live to work, labor intensive, doin’ odd jobs, married to their job, them employee of the month hard at work. So this week, no kidding around, no fooling, no goofing off, no hanging around the water cooler, because we’re going to get right down to it, putting in an honest day’s work, for an honest day’s pay, for our subject de jure is work and jobs. 
I hear America singing, the varied carols I hear,
The delicious singing of the mother, or of the young wife at work, or of the girl sewing or washing,
They call it stormy Monday, and, baby, Tuesday’s just as bad
I keep my nose on the grindstone, I work hard every day
Bob then tells us that if he had to have a boss, he would choose Bruce Springsteen.
You may be an ambassador to England or France
I got to get out and find a job
Just whistle while you work
You want to keep in mind that you are going on an interview, not a date. Don’t drown yourself with perfume or cologne. Speak up. Interviewers don’t want to drag words out of you. On the other hand, don’t talk too much, you don’t want to bore them. Stay focused, listen to what the question is and answer it; they don’t want to hear about what your dog did last week. Make eye contact, you don’t want to appear to be some kind of criminal. Poor language skills don’t help. Using “like” every third word or repeatedly saying “um” does not make you a likely candidate. Build trust. Don’t use a lot of little white lies, you’re going to get caught, and then how are they to believe anything you say. Wear a clean shirt, and present the best you possible. And once you get the job, you can do what everyone else does, figure out ways to get the day off. 
A classic illustration comes from Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol where we find the unforgettable Ebenezer Scrooge transformed by ghostly experiences from a disrespected miser to a lovable, generous employer. As we delve into our topic, we will draw upon a couple of episodes of Bob Dylan’s 
As Bob introduces the first of his two episodes on money, he tells us, with reggae music in the background,
The first song Bob plays for us is the bluesy “That’s What They Want.” Performed by Jerry McCain and His Upstarts, it tells about a guy grieving about the women he knows who are just interested in finding men who have a lot of money, and a Cadillac too.
Blue money, according to the Urban Dictionary, refers to 100 dollar bills, which got its name from a blue line that goes up and down the bill. But in some circles, it means money from making porn movies. Thus, according to this interpretation, the song is about the singer’s girlfriend making porn movies, which involves engaging in sexual activities for money.
When I was an undergraduate at Brooklyn College, I drove a taxi in Manhattan to cover my expenses. From time to time, as I was driving past the Port Authority, where buses and trains would bring loads of out-of-towners to the city, a few women dressed in very scanty, sexy outfits would jump in my taxi and tell me to drive around the block. As they peeked out the window, I could tell they had spotted some police officers, and they had me keep circling the block until the men in blue were gone.
Later, while a graduate student at the University of Minnesota, I worked at a Juvenile Correctional Facility, where I honed my counseling skills. Several of the female teenagers were in the facility because they had been engaged in prostitution. Here, I got to know what led these young ladies into this path to earn money. All came from extremely stressful financial situations. All were first lured into becoming hooked on drugs, which initially relieved their financially strapped stress. The leaders of the industry provided, at first, the drugs for free, along with other enticing gifts. In time, desperate to feed their addictions, these teenagers found turning tricks were the only way they knew how to survive. Somehow, during the counseling sessions, their humanity came to light, and a more kind and understanding attitude was fostered.
As Bob’s show continues, Bob plays for us, Nic Jones’s “Farewell to the Gold.” It provides a touching story of a man who, with a friend, spends his life hoping to strike it rich by prospecting for gold. In the end, his dream never comes true, and a flood leads to his friend drowning. The story is a metaphor for the real possibility that seeking gold doesn’t always work out well, and it’s important to be aware of this if we are to wisely choose our life’s pursuits.
As this episode winds down, Bob plays us, “You Can’t Take It With You” by Jessie Price. If you like piano, clarinet, and trumpet solos, this number is sure to put a smile on your face. And then, Bob concludes with the following words:
Bob begins part 2 by welcoming us back to the show. And then he says:
After some background remarks about the Drifters, Bob plays their song, “Money, Honey.” With the smooth voice of Clyde McPhatter, and some fine sax solos, the lyrics go,
We spent so much time talking about money, I want to leave you with someone who had an opposing opinion. He’s a smart guy about relativity, and he’s smart about this. We’re talking about Einstein, and he said, “I’m absolutely convinced that no wealth in the world can keep humanity from moving forward. Even in the hands of the most devoted worker the examples of great pure individuals is the only thing that can move us to noble thoughts and deeds. Money only appeals to selfishness and irresistibly invites abuse. Can anyone imagine Moses, Jesus, or Gandhi armed with the bags of money of Carnegie.” We’ll see you next week with all new themes, dreams, and schemes. 
“Blowin’ In The Wind.” “With God On Our Side.” “Masters Of War.” These are songs Bob Dylan has written and performed expressing deep emotions about the wisdom of going to war. As I began to reflect on these songs, to my mind came the pounding of war drums, the cries of vicious insults emanating from a deadly divide, images of fear, pride, disgrace, bombs exploding, and thousands screaming in horror.
And then I found myself pulling up on the internet Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour show, and clicking to hear his specific show on the theme of war. It’s available for free 
The show begins with a series of brief audio clips of the sounds of a country at war–bombs going off as Marine helicopters are approaching a battle field, a news reporter describing the scene of burning tanks, the voice of President Lyndon Johnson committing an additional 20,000 troops to Viet Nam as that war was escalating, etc. Then we hear Bob introducing the show’s theme:
Plato once said, “Only the dead has seen the end of war,” and sadly it is as true today as it was then. 
Today we are going to examine battles and beaches, skirmishes and embroglios, we are going to let loose the dogs of war, pay tribute to Mars in Aries, shed a tear for the widows and orphans. We’re mustering cadets, for Theme Time Radio Hour is going to war!
Why I crossed three thousand miles of rolling waves.
When I was a young man I carried me pack 
When the ship pulled away from the quay 
Some say war is a game that men play using boys as the tools. Truth to tell, you don’t see many men in battle, but you see a lot of boys. Wars used to be fought by men and I think that fairer. Men are the ones waging the war, they ought go out and fight it. 
I’m just a poor ex-soldier that’s broken down and blue,
One staple of songs about war is the letter. Sometimes it’s the letter that the guy writes from the battlefield. Other times it’s from home. But the worse kind of letter of all to receive was one written by a military chaplain. It usually had a line in it, something like, “You would be delighted to know that your son died a hero.” It’s a nice sentiment, but I doubt it was really any solace. 
I close my eyes every night
Is don’t they pray
Peace to the world
An American flag waving in the breeze along with stirring patriotic music; this can be a fitting end to a Hollywood movie, but before we go marching once again into war, there is far more to consider.
Concerned that your romantic partner’s respect for your kissing technique might not be all that you desire? Is it okay to offer a romantic kiss on a first date? Will your date think less of you if you accept a romantic kiss on the first date? A discussion of Bob Dylan’s Theme Time Radio Hour episode on kissing will enlighten us on these and other related topics.
Does she love me? I wanna know
How long do you think that I can wait
Moreover, if instead of lingering in your arms during the kiss, she or he ends it a little too quickly, well, that may be another signal that something is wrong. Given how popular the song was, spending 12 weeks on the country charts, clearly indicates it touched something pretty sensitive in the heart of many a listener.
Bob goes on from here to songs that bring up such topics as passionate kissing, kissing in the dark, french kissing, finding lipstick on your collar, catching your woman kissing your best friend, making up after an argument kissing, and the fact that you don’t have to be rich to enjoy a wonderful kiss. He eventually gets back to our “romantic kissing” topic, with the Everly Brothers song, “Till I Kissed You.” Here’s a few lines of its romantic lyrics:
Never felt like this until I kissed ya’
Well, Lawrence, kissing is an important part of a relationship. And it’s one of those things that you have to be relaxed to do. So the fact that you are getting anxious about it isn’t helping you one bit. However, I can give you a few tips. Armed with this knowledge you’ll feel a little more confident and be able to set things right. First of all, make sure your lips are moist. Run your tongue over your lips once before you kiss her. No one wants to kiss sandpaper. 
Stand close to your partner, you don’t want her to reach too far. Tilt your head slightly to one side. Close your eyes just before your lips meet. Just close them. Some people like to keep their eyes opened during a kiss, but until you understand your partner’s preference, better to play it safe and close your eyes. Open your lips slightly, not like you are about to swallow her whole head, just a little bit, and don’t hold your breath. Breath through your nose. Press your partner’s lips gently. Move your lips in a slow circular motion. Be gentle but firm. And finally, and I can’t stress this enough, have a pocketful of mints. There is no underestimating the fact of good breath. Good luck and happy kissing. I hope it won’t be long till you hear your girl say, “baby let me kiss ya just one more time.” 
That there is a pretty decent description of a decent kiss, but I would add one more suggestion for helping him. Why not encourage him to ask his girlfriend what she would like him to do differently when they kiss? For example, she might prefer to be held within his arms more firmly while they are kissing, or perhaps a little gentler approach would be more to her liking.
Jerry not only sees Margaret home, but opens the door for her, and then, well, they’ve been going steady for some time now, and there are some customs that are very enjoyable. But now Frank has a new problem, should he try on a first date to kiss his date. He sees her to her door, and thanks her for going out with him. No, he should not try to kiss her good night on a first date. But he does ask her for another date soon. 
I grew up in Brooklyn, and before I was married, and was dating back in the late 1960s and early 70s, when I asked a gal out, I did so because I had some romantic feelings for her. If, by the end of the evening, when we arrived back at her home, if I still felt romantic toward her, I would say I had a very pleasant time, and pause to see if she said something similar. If she did say something similar, I would very slowly and gently lean toward her, observing her reaction as I did so, and if I saw no sign of resistance, my eyes would close and our lips would join for a romantic kiss. If she seemed to get into it, I would feel a wonderful high sensation, not only during the kiss, but all the way home. I never had any sense of disrespect toward the gal for joining me in such a good night kiss.
He introduces the song by inviting us to “listen to one of the old masters, the fountainhead from which all music flows, Louis Armstrong, and a song that was the centerpiece for his live performances in the later period of his life. This is a version that he recorded in 19 and 51, ‘A Kiss to Build a Dream on.'”
Leave me one thing before we part
Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, friends.
Next, Bob tells us a little about Sister Rosetta Tharpe, the lead singer of the song he is about to play, “Don’t Take Everybody to Be Your Friend.”
Moving right along, Bob tells us about Moon Mullican, a Texan. Bob surmises the guy must be a friendly fellow from the song he sings, “Make Friends.”
Next, Bob tells us about one of the wisest guys he ever got to know, Muhammad Ali, who once said, “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything at all.”
If you need a friend, here’s some things that makes a good friend: Good friends listen to each other. Good friends help each others solve problems. Friends are dependable. This one is very important, good friends never borrow money. 
Good friends never change the channel on your radio. Good friends will always tell you when you have food in your teeth. Good friends sometimes pay for dinner. And good friends sometimes let you have the last beer. And if you are doing all of those things, maybe you’ll have a friend, like Carol King sings about. Here’s Carol King. She’s going to brighten up even your darkest night. 
When you’re down and troubled,
You just call out my name
If the sky above you grows dark and full of clouds
Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend
Tapestry, the Carol King album this song appears on, was the most popular of the early 1970s era, remaining on the charts for over 6 years. So, on that series of notes, I think we’ll begin to fade out for this week. I hope you enjoyed our little meditation on friends, and I hope you’ll join us again right here at From Insults to Respect.
In contrast, Director Martin Scorsese put out a statement saying he was “overjoyed” that Dylan was awarded the prize. He went on from here to say:
Alfred Nobel was the inventor of dynamite and was one of the original (to quote from one Dylan song) “Masters of war/You that build the big bombs” — i.e. he not only was a major producer of modern cannon, but also was one of the first modern armament producers. In addition, a premature obituary of Nobel, calling him a “merchant of death,” presumably inspired Nobel to turn philanthropist by creating the prizes.
If he ends up landing on the other side, he’d end up in the mucky manure of folks who think that he would be disrespectful of a bunch of fine folks, such as Martin Luther King, Jr. and Albert Einstein. Such folks were as passionate as anyone with regards to promoting peaceful ways to work out human problems and yet chose to accept a Nobel Prize.
Welcome to From Insults to Respect. Today’s topic, addiction. When we see we have become addicted to something and find we are having difficulty breaking the habit, we may begin to lose some self respect. And sometimes our actions related to our addictions lead to others losing respect for us. So, it makes sense that we spend a little time giving this topic some thought.
Regular readers of this blog know that from time to time I like to enrich some ideas about a subject with some relevant thoughts that Bob Dylan has shared on his 
Today’s show is all about smoking. We’re not here to encourage it or to glorify it. You’re smart enough to look up all the facts. What we’re going to do over the next hour, is to give a looking and a listen to what happens when the tobacco plant collides with popular culture. As Oscar Wilde once said, “A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure; it is exquisite and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?” We’ll be examining tobacco in all of its forms, from plant, to ash, with stops at cigars, cigarette, snuff, and chewing tobacco. So sit back, smoke em if you got em, and enjoy the next 60 minutes as we blow a few musical smoke rings your way.
Now I’m a fellow with a heart of gold
One of the problems when you smoke is when you’re not smoking, you can have one of those nicotine fits. Here’s how nicotine fits work. Nicotine is physically addictive; it alters your brain functions. Every nerve in your brain’s nervous system has these very tiny neurotransmitters. Nicotine works on some of them, tricking your body that it needs more of these receptors. When you started smoking, your body started responding to the nicotine, and started growing these extra receptors. Over the years, your body has gotten used to these extra receptors, and needs the nicotine to feed them. When you stop smoking, your body thinks your body’s transmitters have been shut off. Your body seeks equilibrium. That’s what the craving for nicotine comes from. When you have a craving for nicotine, the only thing that will help you, is another cigarette. 
Your body does so, according to this theory, because at first the nicotine leads to your receptors firing more frequently than usual. This leads to feeling more alert, which some of us experience as rather pleasant. But your body recognizes that if you were to keep firing those receptors at the pace that occurs when you first started smoking, certain functions in your body will end up exhausted. Thus, your body starts to reduce the number of these receptors. In the scientific literature, this process is called “down regulation” or “tolerance.”
However, shortly after you pause from smoking even for a few minutes, you end up not having enough of these receptors to do what they were originally designed to do. It is this shortage of receptors that occurs when there is not enough nicotine in your system to keep your receptors firing at a rate that would typically occur if you were not addicted to the drug that leads to the uncomfortable, sluggish, stressful feelings that lead to a craving for the next cigarette. When you light up, you feel relief because now the reduced amount of receptors are sufficient to carry out your major life functions in a less distressed manner.
Theoretically, this same process is largely the reason why people become addicted to other substances, such as alcohol, caffeine, illegal drugs, and even the drugs that psychiatrists prescribe, such as the so called antianxiety drugs (anxiolytics), antidepressants, and ADHD stimulants such as Ritalin. They all have the potential of creating for addicted people the illusion that they are functioning better than they did before they started consuming the addictive drug.
Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud loud music
We’re going to start off with George Zimmerman and the Thrills doing “Ain’t Got No Money to Pay for this Drink.”
“Just give me a drink,” says Mr. Birnam with exquisite anguish.
Well you thought I’d be waitin’ up when you came home last night
Beer is, it’s not just a drink to me, it represents something, it reminds me of being in college and high school, and discovering getting drunk, and having a sixteen pack in the trunk of my friend, Tommy’s car, drinking it hot out of the can in a parking lot in Las Vegas. Something about beer equals good times to me. 
I love java, sweet and hot
Now when I get up in the morning
Well, there you have it, a little Bob Dylan meditation on the nature of addiction. As I listened to his shows, it came vividly clear to me that many people reach a point at which they decide that they want to get off the merry-go-round of their addiction. When this occurs, what is the best way to go about doing this?