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Einstein and the Nature of Blame, Guilt, Responsibility, and Respect

In our society, the idea of self-reliance is often viewed positively. And yet, it is our nature to benefit in numerous ways from others. As Albert Einstein beautifully articulated in a book titled, Living Philosophies: A Series of Intimate Credos: “From the standpoint of daily life…there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men–above all for those upon…

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Comics, Conflicts and the Desire to be Liked

Habitual ways of acting often can’t be overcome by a single discussion. Thus, it helps to bring before our conscience some ideas a few times over the course of several months.  With that in mind, let’s review some of the ideas we have discussed earlier on this blog about conflict and the desire to be liked.  By utilizing a fresh new batch of comics I…

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CAN A CONFLICT EVER BE TRULY RESOLVED?

“How’d things work out between Blondie and you?” you ask in a concerned voice upon running into your friend, Dagwood.  “Did you manage to resolve your conflict?” “Yeah, um…well, I’m kinda not sure,” he replies. When it comes to whether or not a conflict has been resolved, sometimes people feel confused, or they end up engaging in needless arguments about this. Today we spend some…

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CONFLICTS AND GUILT

A conflict exists whenever the following three conditions exist: Party A desires an act will occur. Party A perceives that another party is likely to act in a manner that interferes with the desire. Party A perceives that the other party would be guilty of doing something wrong if he or she carries out the interfering act. On this blog, when we think about describing…

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NELSON MANDELA AND THE ART OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

“Great anger and violence can never build a nation. We are striving to proceed in a manner and towards a result, which will ensure that all our people, both black and white, emerge as victors.” (From Nelson Mandela’s speech to European Parliament, 1990.) As I write this post, we are in the middle of South Africa’s 10-day mourning period for Nelson Mandela. Although I myself have…

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CONFESSION OF A FORMER BULLY

This past Wednesday, my wife and I went to Ithaca to see the emotionally charged play, “From White Plains.” The title is meant to suggest plain white kids from a suburb.  As the lights first brighten the stage, thirty-year old Dennis hears that he has won the Oscar for his film based on the bullying he and his friend faced in childhood.  When Dennis reveals…

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THE ABCs OF POWER: THE LETTER E

On this blog we have been discussing personal power.  We have noted that the reason why people use insults is to try to achieve their desires.  This strategy often backfires.  Therefore, we have been learning plans to increase our skill to achieve our desires without launching insults at others. Learning the sources of power greatly enhances our skills to achieve our desires.  And once we…

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THE ABCs OF POWER AND THE GUILT CONDITION

For the past few weeks I have been discussing personal power.  Power is the skill to achieve your desires.  To help people to come up with plans to achieve their desires, we have been constructing a list, in alphabetical order, of sources of power.  We are calling this list the ABCs of Power.  So far, the list looks like this: THE ABCs OF POWER A=Advancing…

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SOME EXAMPLES OF UTILIZING THE ABCs OF POWER

On this blog, for the past three weeks I have been discussing the nature of personal power. I’ve also been constructing a list, in alphabetical order, of the main sources of power.  So far, the list looks like this: THE ABCs OF POWER A=Advancing Skill (see The ABCs of Power: The letter “A”) B=Breaking Down a Conflict into its Three Conditions:  Desire, Interference and Guilt…

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DEALING WITH CRITICISM BY DIGGING DEEPER

“I’ve been reading your blog posts, Dr. Rubin,” Judy says sounding annoyed. “You are making everything sound way too complicated.” “I’m pleased that you’ve been checking it out,” I reply.  “I’d love to hear more about your reactions.” “Well, yesterday I went over to pick up my friend, Sue, to go to a party.  She was wearing an outfit that was almost identical to mine. So I…

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